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Post by Markise Sterling on Mar 25, 2009 22:09:10 GMT -5
"Yes I want him, and I know he wants me, but it's just sex! He's a f~ing a~hole and a good f~, and if I'm gonna f~ someone it's not gonna be him!" Markise pushed to his feet, his gum long forgotten. "If you want to save him so damned much, f~ing do it yourself!" What the hell was wrong with Michael? Was he so desperate for some proof that Markise wasn't going to steal Dare away that he'd push him at the only other gay guy he knew of? As far as he knew, Michael didn't even know Ariel, but apparently he was either half in love with him or thought Markise was trash and deserved it.
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Post by Michael Blackwood-Hardt on Mar 25, 2009 22:13:27 GMT -5
Michael stood to face Markise. "Forgive me thinking that people deserve second chances!" he bit out, more out of frustration that apparently he was making as little sense to Markise as Markise was to him than anger. "I'm sorry that I want to try to help instead of leave people miserable! Maybe I should just stop trying to help?" he asked, something he had wondered many times before when he had tried with Dare.
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Post by Markise Sterling on Mar 25, 2009 22:21:15 GMT -5
"Not everyone's... Dare! Or you!" Markise said, managing the connection without really seeing it. They were just the two closest examples he could think of. "Ariel isn't a nice guy! At least Mano will pretend to like me!" Until the next morning, when it was time to leave. But Ariel had only ever been good to him when he was hurt, or when they were f~ing. And when he was hurt it led to f~ing often enough that it was easy to connect the two. "Neither of them cares, but at least one of them doesn't leave me feeling like crap!"
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Post by Michael Blackwood-Hardt on Mar 25, 2009 22:27:56 GMT -5
"No," Michael said, rolling his eyes. "Mano will just go and rave about you to his friends! One day you'll show up and he'll expect you to be with someone else just so he can watch!" How could Markise not understand what kind of person Mano was? "At least Ariel has time to change," he said, eyes staying level on Markise. He thought anyone could change, but Ariel had a much higher chance of it than Mano.
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Post by Markise Sterling on Mar 25, 2009 22:37:15 GMT -5
Markise's lips parted for a comment that stuck in his throat. Rave to his friends? Be with someone else so he could watch?! Neither of those scenarios had occurred to him, not in the least. "But... I don't have to be with someone else," he said weakly. He didn't even acknowledge what Michael had said about Ariel this time. Michael didn't know Ariel. Markise had said his piece; if Michael wanted to fix Ariel so badly, he could do it himself.
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Post by Michael Blackwood-Hardt on Mar 25, 2009 22:41:42 GMT -5
"Oh no, you don't have to, but he'll guilt you until you do!" Michael said, eyes hard. Then he dropped his eyes and shook his head. "But you know what, if you think Mano is what is best for you, then go right on ahead, ignore me. I didn't even come here to talk about him, I came to try to get you to be Dare's friend again, but I don't even know that he'd want someone that wanted to be with Mano as a friend." By the time he finished he was looking at Markise again. A twinge of regret pulled at him at his last few words, but there was no taking them back.
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Post by Markise Sterling on Mar 25, 2009 22:50:02 GMT -5
Why was Michael acting like Markise should know all this? He'd said Mano wasn't a good guy, as though that said anything really, then told him Mano didn't care. Now that he'd finally said something, he acted as though Markise had been ignoring him! And used Dare as a threat.
Markise was near tears at first, but at that mention of Dare, his eyes hardened, a near-transparent shield over hurt and confusion. "I'll stay away from Mano," he said, "but you can fix Ariel yourself if you think he's worth saving. And Dare can go to hell." He turned then, silently praying he'd make it safely away.
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Post by Michael Blackwood-Hardt on Mar 25, 2009 22:56:55 GMT -5
"Why in the world is it so hard for you two to get along now?" Michael asked, frustrated. "He feels horrible for what happened between you two! He misses you, and I have the feeling that you would be lying if you said you didn't miss him, too! Why can't you just get over the fact that I screwed up when it came to being friendly with you and just be friends again?" That was what had started the entire conversation anyway.
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Post by Markise Sterling on Mar 25, 2009 23:05:33 GMT -5
"It's too hard!" Markise said, turning partway back. He shook his head, then lowered it slightly, one hand moving up into his hair as the other arm curved almost protectively over his abdomen. He didn't know how to explain it better than that. It was hard enough forcing distance into their friendship that they'd never had, bad enough that Dare had nothing to talk about but Michael. It was hard enough wanting Dare, and now... Now Markise's outlets were off-limits. He couldn't trust himself to go to the club without stopping by the cafe on the way back. He wasn't that strong. Hadn't he already answered that question? It was so confusing!
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Post by Michael Blackwood-Hardt on Mar 25, 2009 23:08:29 GMT -5
"A lot of things are hard, Markise, but that doesn't mean you don't do them," Michael said, eyebrows coming together over his eyes. "There's a lot of things that are worth putting yourself through, even if it's hell to do it, and a friendship is one of them. Be glad for the friends you have, and when you lose one, try your hardest to get them back." He hadn't had friends before coming to Hogwarts, and now most of them had left, and he would go through pretty much anything to have them back. He couldn't understand why Markise wouldn't do the same thing.
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Post by Markise Sterling on Mar 25, 2009 23:20:38 GMT -5
Markise's hands rose to his face, covering it for a moment, then falling away. "Fine," he said, his voice cracking, "I'm wrong, I'm always wrong! Every f~ing thing I did with Ariel was wrong! Every f~ing thing I did with Dare was wrong! I can't do anything right and it's no f~ing surprise no one can stand to talk to me! I give up, I f~ing give up.
"I tried to fix things with Dare, I tried for months and I'm sick of being kicked down! It's not just him, it's f~ing everything! I'm sick of it! Just leave me the hell alone!" One hand rose to wipe at his eyes without a thought to smearing his mascara. He was going to hunt down Anna and say goodbye. He was sick of this place. He turned to walk away.
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Post by Michael Blackwood-Hardt on Mar 26, 2009 8:43:57 GMT -5
"Everyone makes mistakes, Markise! And you know that you just lied to yourself! If you never did anything right, then Dare wouldn't even miss you," Michael said, "Please, will you try one more time?" He couldn't help the nagging feeling that things would get a lot better for everyone, Dare, Markise, even him, if the two of them could just make up. Markise would have someone to unload on, Dare would have someone else to talk to about things, and he...he wouldn't feel like he had messed everything up so very badly.
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Post by Markise Sterling on Mar 26, 2009 13:09:49 GMT -5
"He's fine without me!" Markise barked, making a beeline for the castle. He was too upset to think or listen, and all he wanted was to go destroy something. Scream at the top of his lungs. Disappear from existence. Dammit, he was crying, and there was no way he could walk into the castle like this. He silently cursed everything as he stopped and swiped at his eyes again, refusing to believe that Dare missed him. This probably had something to do with the same reasonless press Michael had tried to get him to beg friendship with Ariel.
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Post by Michael Blackwood-Hardt on Mar 26, 2009 14:21:28 GMT -5
"If he was fine without you I wouldn't have found him staring at old drawings and pictures of you!" Michael bit out after Markise. Why wouldn't Markise just listen? It was driving Michael insane, even Dare had listened better over the past long weeks than Markise was just then. "You haven't seen him talk about you!" He balled his fists at his sides.
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Post by Markise Sterling on Mar 26, 2009 14:26:06 GMT -5
Markise's heart felt like it was being pulled apart, pain shooting through as it tore. He didn't want to believe that Dare would do that, that Dare missed him that much. It was impossible. Why would he have spent a year pushing him away if there was anything left? There had been nothing there to begin with, Markise had found that out since he'd been here, so why, after so long? His shoulders shuddered, but he couldn't speak.
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