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Post by Markise Sterling on Mar 24, 2009 15:18:00 GMT -5
"I know," Markise sighed. If Dare hadn't told him that he and Michael weren't having sex, the word told to be used loosely, this conversation surely would have been enough. Even Anna caught on to things faster than Michael had.
Markise chewed his gum again as he looked out at the water. He didn't have anyone to talk about all this with. Well, there was Mano, but Mano certainly wasn't looking for a relationship, just amazing sex with the occasional conversation, as needed. Markise sighed again.
"How do you do it? Or... not do it?" he wondered absently, then, catching himself, blinked guiltily. "Just thinking out loud," he said, waiving any expectation of a reply. How, though?
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Post by Michael Blackwood-Hardt on Mar 24, 2009 15:27:14 GMT -5
Michael shook his head again, a little rougher. He knew how, it was easy not to. The hard part was doing things. But how could he tell Markise that? His hands clenched tighter in front of him as his mind raced. It brought back the fact that Dare wanted more, that he wanted things Michael still couldn't give him. "I would tell you if I could," he said finally.
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Post by Markise Sterling on Mar 24, 2009 15:37:20 GMT -5
Markise's nose wrinkled slightly. If I could. Apparently he could though, if he'd been with Dare so long. If Markise had another chance, he'd have Dare in... He mentally shook his head. It was no good thinking like that. It was no good thinking about what he would have done, because there were so many ifs and not a single time-turner. Markise blew a slow bubble, then popped it and started another as he thought himself in circles again.
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Post by Michael Blackwood-Hardt on Mar 24, 2009 15:40:21 GMT -5
Michael stared stiffly down at his hands. He was extremely uncomfortable, though part of that was because of his own thoughts and not things Markise had said, even though his thoughts had been triggered by Markise's words. He had found himself thinking about it over the weekend more than he had in months, it being what he had gone to Kane to get fixed. He still couldn't do it, though.
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Post by Markise Sterling on Mar 24, 2009 15:47:51 GMT -5
Markise decided not to try talking again. His attempts to get Michael to know him had failed miserably, and part of him hoped that Michael would just excuse himself and leave, and forget to mention Dare again. Markise was in no mood to attempt to talk to Dare. His mind was centered almost wholly on the coming Friday and what exactly he wanted to do about it. He wasn't at all sure yet what he wanted out of Ariel... Well, no, he knew what he wanted, just not how much to allow himself. He'd think about Robbie too, and the possibilities there, then Mano, then wonder if he really wanted to wait that long, if he wanted to risk getting attached to him. Then he was back to Ariel again.
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Post by Michael Blackwood-Hardt on Mar 24, 2009 15:51:39 GMT -5
Michael sighed heavily and ran tense fingers through his hair. "I wish I could help," then his eyes widened and he looked up at Markise. "Maybe you could talk to Dare, he could help." He had the hope that maybe he could turn this into something useful. It was awkward for him, but maybe it would help get Markise and Dare to talk. Dare could help, Michael knew he could, if they would just talk.
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Post by Markise Sterling on Mar 24, 2009 16:05:09 GMT -5
Markise's eyes widened, and he looked aside at Michael like he'd gone insane. Had he? "No, there's no way," he said, his New York accent showing as he went on. "First off, he's a virgin, second, he'd go all... Gryffindor on me, or for me, and third, no, just... no. We don't talk about crap like that because... we just don't." Markise had never wanted to hear about Dare's exploits with girls, and he certainly didn't want to hear about why he still wasn't getting it with Michael. It was enough knowing that he wasn't. And he was sure Dare would rather think he was a virgin forever, or at least pretend he thought so. "I'm not telling him what I've been doing just so he can tell me to stop." Like he'd tried to do when he found out Markise was clubbing alone.
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Post by Michael Blackwood-Hardt on Mar 24, 2009 18:58:18 GMT -5
Michael looked down. It was hard to imagine that they didn't talk about those kinds of things. Emilian had always talked about it, as had most of the others that Michael had grown up with. It just made sense that they would, if they were as close friends as he thought. "He would only tell you to stop because he cares," he said, more to give himself more time to think than anything else.
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Post by Markise Sterling on Mar 24, 2009 19:09:51 GMT -5
"Well I'm not stopping, so he's better off not hearing about it," Markise said. "There's reasons he doesn't already know the details." Most of the time he'd been with Kwami, Dare had been panting after Amber, and that had suited him just fine. Now he was... he didn't even know, but he was distracted by Michael, if not panting after him. There was something he didn't need to think about.
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Post by Michael Blackwood-Hardt on Mar 24, 2009 19:18:58 GMT -5
Michael sighed, feeling defeated. Everything he said was put down, and he hated the feeling that he was useless. "Markise, I'm trying to help, but if everything just gets shot down, then how am I supposed to do that?" He glanced up and shook his head slightly. "And maybe if you talked to him about it, he would understand that you were okay, but he won't if you just refuse to tell him."
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Post by Markise Sterling on Mar 24, 2009 19:52:05 GMT -5
Markise's lips turned down slightly at Michael's logic. This was why he needed someone to talk to, and not Dare. He was talking himself in circles, and apparently Michael, too. He couldn't tell Michael everything either, though. There was no one he could tell the whole problem to that would understand! The guys he knew that didn't have issues with sex had their own agendas, and he could just imagine how well it would go telling Mano he needed to get laid more often, or even worse, telling Ariel half the things he'd been thinking about him lately.
"I'm sorry," he said softly to Michael. "I'm not... trying to argue or anything, it's just, I can't tell you everything and I know half the story isn't good enough, but I really can't tell Dare either. He's just too..." Markise paused, trying to think of a way to say it. "He's too conservative." He paused again before taking a breath and a risk. "Will you tell me what's wrong with Mano?" he asked, his voice even softer now.
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Post by Michael Blackwood-Hardt on Mar 24, 2009 20:04:25 GMT -5
Michael blinked at the unexpected question. "Mano was one of the guys from the group I was a part of before...before I came to Hogwarts. He was like...the leader, and Emilian, one of the other guys, was the second in command, I guess you could say." Why even bring Emilian into this? It wasn't like Markise knew all about Emilian anyway. "All they thought about was sex and how to get it, no matter who it was from. Emilian, at least he never pretended to care, he wanted it and when he got it that was usually it."
"Mano always made friends, but I don't really think he ever cared about them. He just..." Michael shook his head and looked at his hands again. "He's not a good man, he never was a good man. I think...I think that even Emilian could have been decent had he not been around Mano so much."
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Post by Markise Sterling on Mar 24, 2009 20:14:58 GMT -5
Markise's brows drew together as he listened. He was able to put together more than Michael probably would have expected. That one time he'd met Emilian at that horrible excuse for a party, he'd known that Emilian knew about him, and he'd felt... Well, he'd thought about it later, anyway.
He wasn't entirely sure about the before I came to Hogwarts part, though. He knew about the Death Eater thing, but he also knew for a fact that Mano wasn't, unless he knew a really good spell for hiding the Dark Mark. He did know that useful little protective spell, though.
Mano always made friends, but I don't really think he ever cared about them. There was something Markise could have guessed, but really didn't like to hear. It was confirming a suspicion he'd had from the beginning. He'd felt it even that day they'd walked through Diagon Alley together, but he'd wanted the companionship too much to question it.
"Is it really so bad to pretend?" Markise asked softly. It was something he'd wrestled with every time he'd seen Mano, and his answer had changed with his mood too often to count.
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Post by Michael Blackwood-Hardt on Mar 24, 2009 22:29:56 GMT -5
Michael didn't look at Markise. He had never pretended, but he had seen what happened when people did. "Why would you want to?" he asked instead, then looked up. He still didn't look at Markise, but up at the sky. "Why would you want to pretend when you could find someone and..." He paused, unsure what to say, because it somehow didn't feel right to mention it with Markise. "It isn't the best way to live like they do."
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Post by Markise Sterling on Mar 24, 2009 22:44:46 GMT -5
"I'm not patient enough to wait," Markise admitted. "There are things... there are things friends can't do, and things you only feel when you're really with someone, and that's what I want. I feel pathetic, but it makes me feel... worth something. Alive and really wanted." He shook his head, hating how it sounded, no matter how true it might be.
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