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Post by Michael Blackwood-Hardt on Mar 24, 2009 22:51:49 GMT -5
Michael wasn't sure what to think about that. It was so strange hearing things like that from such a different perspective. "Do you mean...when you have sex?" he asked, just keeping his voice from catching on the word. He rarely even said that with Dare, much less anyone else. He couldn't imagine feeling wanted with just that, not when he thought of how amazing it felt to be with Dare even when nothing physical was happening.
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Post by Markise Sterling on Mar 24, 2009 23:37:15 GMT -5
Markise flicked a glance aside at Michael, unsure why he wasn't as surprised at the question as he would have thought. Maybe he was relieved that it was coming out, even a little bit. "Sometimes," he said, then corrected himself as he looked forward and down into the grass. "Usually. Well, I guess it depends on who it is. I mean... yes," he said at last. He'd even felt wanted with Kwami, even if it hadn't been the best experience.
"Knowing he can't control himself, that he wants me that much, that there's nothing else in the world but..." pleasure. How much he needs me. He stopped himself, almost breathless just thinking about it. One of his hands rose to run through his hair. "Just... yes," he said. He dismissed Kwami from his mind. Kwami hadn't known what he was doing enough to count. Obviously, considering Ariel, Larten, and Mano. If he was a little enthusiastic with his response, he blamed it on the fact that it had been long enough for him to be a little desperate with wanting it again.
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Post by Michael Blackwood-Hardt on Mar 25, 2009 19:21:44 GMT -5
It was a different concept for Michael to try to understand, difficult to grasp when his own feeling of being wanted and needed was fed by other things. His eyebrows came together as he tried to think it through. It was as though it was on the very edge of his mind, just out of his reach. He could almost understand, but loss of control was something he was almost afraid of, he hated losing control, and that carried over to the physical aspects of his and Dare's relationship. "But...that's so temporary," he said, his words coming slowly and carefully, like he was thinking about each one in turn.
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Post by Markise Sterling on Mar 25, 2009 19:46:14 GMT -5
Markise let out a low sigh. "That's all I've got," he said softly. "That and the club are what keep me going." It sounded so pathetic when he said it like that, but it was true. He'd go out, dance, flirt, absorb the attention, and if he was desperate enough maybe he'd visit Mano again, despite the warnings. What else could he do? "All week I'm who everyone expects me to be, I do what I'm supposed to. I need something or I'm going to..." He shook his head. "I just need something."
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Post by Michael Blackwood-Hardt on Mar 25, 2009 20:13:54 GMT -5
"But it's just sex, it doesn't mean anything," Michael said. He wasn't sure what to say anymore. "Surely there's something you can do other than that. There has to be something." He just couldn't think of it. He propped his chin on his hand. It felt like a personal test to see if he could help even Markise, someone he couldn't imagine ever being close to.
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Post by Markise Sterling on Mar 25, 2009 20:32:44 GMT -5
"I... I know it is," Markise said, shaking his head as he looked down at the shredded piece of grass between his fingers. "I want it to mean something, but the only choices I have are waiting or taking what I can get, and doing it myself doesn't last." He let out a sharp breath, completely frustrated with himself. "I don't know what I want to do and I don't know what I want to hear. Used to piss Ariel off all the time not being able to make up my mind."
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Post by Michael Blackwood-Hardt on Mar 25, 2009 20:47:09 GMT -5
Michael didn't like where his mind was going, because it went against everything he had thought before. "Maybe..." he shook his head and changed what he was saying. "Maybe you're supposed to wait." He shouldn't be thinking that Markise should try being with Ariel again. But it was hard not to, especially when he thought of how he had been before, and if it hadn't been for Dru he probably would have stayed like that.
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Post by Markise Sterling on Mar 25, 2009 20:54:59 GMT -5
Markise shot a look aside at Michael that said quite clearly how he felt about that suggestion; it wouldn't work. "I tried that," he said, then looked away again. "It took me about a month to break down." Both times. Once he'd sworn off men entirely, and in one drunken night he'd ruined it. He'd held out for a boyfriend who'd disappeared for another month, and it had been a few weeks since then. He shook his head again. "I'll figure it out," he said, though he didn't sound at all convinced. He felt even more pathetically desperate now than he had before, and his thoughts of Ariel were coming back. His no's were getting weaker every time.
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Post by Michael Blackwood-Hardt on Mar 25, 2009 21:00:35 GMT -5
Michael sighed and ran his hands through his hair. He didn't want to say it, not when everything screamed that Ariel wasn't good for anything. Maybe it needed said, though. "Maybe...you're supposed to give Ariel another chance," he said, refusing to look at Markise. "He's not good, no, but maybe he needs someone to help him out."
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Post by Markise Sterling on Mar 25, 2009 21:33:18 GMT -5
Markise's heart stopped at that, the idea that had been working its way through the back of his mind for weeks now. He'd been so close to giving in too, but hearing it gave it a feel of reality. "Why in hell would I give him another chance if he's no good?" he asked. "The only time we got along was when we were f~ing, that's not what I want. I can't save him, I don't want to, and he doesn't want to. He likes what he's doing." He shook his head adamantly.
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Post by Michael Blackwood-Hardt on Mar 25, 2009 21:36:46 GMT -5
"I didn't say it would be easy or quick," Michael said. "And if you say you want to let him have a second chance, he might even push you away, but maybe it would be good for both of you in the end." It had taken something big for his own change, and he had hated what he was doing, he could only imagine what it would take for someone that liked what they were doing to change. His mind jumped to Emilian.
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Post by Markise Sterling on Mar 25, 2009 21:44:23 GMT -5
Markise's brows knitted in confusion. That didn't make any sense to him whatsoever. "First of all, I'm not going to throw myself at him, and there's no way I'd do it just so he could reject me. I'm not getting rejected by a prostitute! I don't want to fix him, and I don't know why you think me following around a whore who doesn't even like me would help either of us. He doesn't like me! I don't like him! Just... no!"
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Post by Michael Blackwood-Hardt on Mar 25, 2009 21:49:25 GMT -5
Michael looked away and stopped to regroup his thoughts. "I'm sorry, just...let me think..." Think about what, though? None of it was making any sense, however hard he tried. "I....sometimes people get stuck in ruts, and it takes a lot to get them pulled out, especially when they think that's the only way." He spoke from experience, though he felt like he and Markise were missing each other somewhere along the road.
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Post by Markise Sterling on Mar 25, 2009 21:54:40 GMT -5
Markise gave Michael a harsh look that probably wouldn't count for anything. "He was an ass before he started whoring himself out, too. I don't want to save him. He wouldn't listen to me because he doesn't like me. I wouldn't bother because I don't like him. He's not my f~ing soulmate, he's a guy I met on the train and couldn't say no to!" Markise wasn't making any comparisons to Michael and his Death Eater thing. They were completely different. Michael had decided to change, and apparently he'd been nice, if a complete wuss, underneath it all. All that was under Ariel's pissiness was more pissiness. "I should probably get going, I have a lot of homework," Markise said. Maybe he'd visit Mano tonight.
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Post by Michael Blackwood-Hardt on Mar 25, 2009 21:58:29 GMT -5
Michael shook his head and looked at Markise again. "You're lying to yourself, because if you didn't like him, want him, whatever, you wouldn't still be thinking about him," he pointed out. "And if he's still coming after you he obviously likes you." Even with how his friendship with Emilian had turned out, Michael couldn't quite believe that people were born bad, so he couldn't just let it go.
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