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Post by Ariel Logan Callahan on May 25, 2009 12:05:07 GMT -5
Ariel was determined to start again, to keep up the record he had now of being clean. His withdrawal symptoms were mostly gone, though he noticed that his hands shook whenever he was stressed or concentrating hard on something. He hoped that it would go away with time and he wouldn't be like the man he had once met that could barely spoon soup for himself because of his shaking hands.
Right now, it was almost too much to resist, with the little boxes in his pocket. That was why he was staying inside. He wouldn't let himself smoke inside. So he had told Markise to meet him here, in front of the faded painting of a castle. He was so close to just walking outside and giving up. He closed his eyes and walked over to a window to rest his head against the edge of the frame.
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Post by Markise Sterling on May 25, 2009 12:20:06 GMT -5
Markise hadn't wasted any time moving through the corridors to find Ariel. Even with as often as they saw each other now, he was always worried that something could go wrong, that something could send Ariel back to London and Markise wouldn't be able to get to him in time. It didn't matter what Ariel needed to see him for, even if it was just to see him it was important. Not that he could imagine Ariel wanting to just see him.
He turned a corner to see Ariel by a window, and his heart beat faster. Ariel looked as tense as he was depressed, and Markise was glad he'd come right away. He glanced both ways down the corridor to be sure no one was in sight, then picked up his footsteps, concern etched on his face.
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Post by Ariel Logan Callahan on May 25, 2009 12:25:18 GMT -5
Ariel looked up when he heard the footsteps and gave a low sigh of relief at seeing Markise. He turned and lean back against the windowsill and reached into his pocket. "Hey," he said. It was good to see Markise, and he let himself enjoy just feeling what he felt at seeing Markise come, and at recognizing the concern on Markise's face. "I need to give you something," he said finally, pulling his hand out of his pocket with the two boxes and the matches wrapped in his fingers.
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Post by Markise Sterling on May 25, 2009 12:38:27 GMT -5
That look of relief on Ariel's face had sent one over his own as well. Whatever it was, he wasn't too late. He stopped in front of Ariel, taking what he was given without even registering what it was. He looked down, and it took him a moment, after which he recognized the faint scent of the contents. His nose wrinkled slightly, but it was in discomfort at suddenly having cigarettes in his possession, not at Ariel. He glanced up at Ariel, then opened his book bag and stuffed all three boxes deep into the bottom. He'd take pleasure in destroying them later. When his bag was firmly closed again, Markise looked back up at Ariel. He paused in indecision, then shifted closer, closing his eyes. He only smelled Ariel. "Thank you," he said softly.
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Post by Ariel Logan Callahan on May 25, 2009 12:42:24 GMT -5
Ariel nodded and looked down, shoving his hands in his pockets. "I thought about keeping them," he said. He had thought about it a lot, actually, not to smoke, just...he didn't know why. Maybe he had wanted to prove to himself that he was strong enough to resist temptation. But he knew that wasn't true, and by the time he had decided to give them to Markise the desire to sneak one had been almost too strong.
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Post by Markise Sterling on May 25, 2009 12:51:43 GMT -5
"I'm glad you didn't," Markise said, opening his eyes to look at Ariel again. Somehow it didn't feel right backing up, taking back that bit of space he'd closed to be sure Ariel hadn't given in. So he stayed close, silently debating whether it would be a bad idea to give Ariel something to reassure he'd done the right thing. Then he remembered for the thousandth time that they were going to be living together this summer. It wouldn't do much good to hold back something so little. "You don't need to torture yourself," he said softly. "Good job." It was cheesy to say, but he was thinking so much about the kiss that he leaned to press against the corner of Ariel's lips that he couldn't think of anything better to say.
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Post by Ariel Logan Callahan on May 25, 2009 12:58:16 GMT -5
Ariel's eyes closed briefly at the soft contact and only opened them when he thought it safe again. "Thank you," he said softly. He searched out Markise's eyes and searched them from behind his hair. "It's hard. I want something so bad." His eyes dropped at the confession. He couldn't help but want something, especially when everything hit him. And it was exam week! He hadn't thought he would be stressed about it, but without anything to calm him down it was horrible.
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Post by Markise Sterling on May 25, 2009 13:03:40 GMT -5
Markise's brows drew together, but he didn't have an answer to that. There wasn't anything Ariel could take to get over an addiction. Multiple addictions. "I wish I knew how to help." He didn't, though. Of all the addictions Markise knew about, there was only one he could personally help with, and he couldn't bring himself to offer. He was afraid of what might happen, that it might kill the fragile peace between them. And yet he knew he wouldn't be able to say no if it came to that.
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Post by Ariel Logan Callahan on May 25, 2009 13:33:37 GMT -5
Ariel sighed and nodded, "It's okay. It's not your problem to fix." But Markise was trying his hardest, wasn't he? Of course, if it was all his own decision, he probably never would have tried. "I'll make it, it's just hard." It was going to be a long road, and he wasn't sure that he would ever truly get over it all. He didn't think that he would ever be able to do anything casually again.
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Post by Markise Sterling on May 25, 2009 13:53:25 GMT -5
"I'm not leaving, so you don't have to do it alone," Markise insisted. His eyes searched Ariel's, and he wished he could make him understand that accepting help when you needed it wasn't a weakness. He wished he could make him understand that he couldn't walk away. He wasn't sure how much he was helping, or if he was just being an annoyance. He wasn't sure if he could help Ariel get over this, or if he was just postponing the inevitable, but he had to try.
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Post by Ariel Logan Callahan on May 25, 2009 13:58:03 GMT -5
"I know," Ariel said, "But...I have to fight it myself, you know?" He didn't want to be completely reliant on Markise. He would take Markise's help and what comfort he could, but the actual act of keeping himself from searching anything out was something he had to do himself. "I'm glad you're helping, though." He looked up at Markise for a moment before dropping his eyes again.
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Post by Markise Sterling on May 25, 2009 14:09:40 GMT -5
Markise nodded. He could understand when Ariel put it like that. He could only protect Ariel so much, couldn't he? Sooner or later there would be a time when they couldn't meet so often. Sooner or later Markise was going to have a job and Ariel would be on his own. He couldn't fool himself into thinking that there was no way Ariel could find the same things in New York, though it might take him a while. It might not. He swept his fingers lightly through his hair, then caught a strand hanging down by his neck to toy with. "I'm glad there's something I can do," he said softly.
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Post by Ariel Logan Callahan on May 25, 2009 14:13:02 GMT -5
"Did you get a letter from your mom?" Ariel asked, drawing the subject away from direct conversation about his problem. Conversation about living in New York weren't much better on being comfortable with Markise again, but at least it was a change and Ariel wasn't constantly thinking about everything he wasn't allowed to do anymore.
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Post by Markise Sterling on May 25, 2009 14:31:18 GMT -5
Markise nodded, glad for the change of subject. "She said she'd start looking as soon as she could." She'd said other things as well, and asked quite a few questions, but he wasn't sure how much Ariel would want to know. Still, it brought up something he'd been thinking about, considering in the back of his mind. He twisted that lock of hair around his finger for some moments before bringing his gaze back from the window to Ariel.
"I was thinking," he said, "and you can say no and I'll be fine, but... my family knows, and I never told my friends, but they know, too." Anyone who'd still been wondering would have figured it out that night he'd gone with Valentino. Markise mentally shook that thought away, dropping his eyes. "If you wanted to try being out for the summer..." He paused and looked up again, unsure how to end that suggestion.
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Post by Ariel Logan Callahan on May 25, 2009 14:34:28 GMT -5
Ariel's immediate thought was a definite no. He did not want to chance it. But was there really any way to hide it living with Markise for that long? He chewed roughly on his lip and looked absently at the wall across from him. "I don't know..." he said after a few moments. It was different in the clubs, where it was expected, but being open about it in regular company...
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