|
|
Post by Druscilla Grace on Jul 22, 2008 22:45:56 GMT -5
Dru felt her eyes fill up and she started taking quick breaths to keep the confused tears away, she didn't want to cry in front of Chase, it always ended up with her just giving in to him. "I'm sorry," she whispered, and made herself pull away, sliding to the edge of the bed and running her fingers under her eyes to wipe away whatever escaped.
|
|
|
|
Post by Chase Firebrand on Jul 23, 2008 13:12:22 GMT -5
Chase's arms went with Dru as far as they could before he was forced to release her. "Where are you going?" he asked, his voice low, and bordering between an attempted warning and near-panic. She was crying. What had he said? He racked his brain, and the last words from his lips came back to him. I can't do anything more.
"No, Dru," Chase said, pushing to sit, and scooting toward her on the bed, "I'll try, just tell me what you want." A stupid thing to say, because he had a feeling he knew what she wanted. She wanted a relationship, she wanted to know he couldn't be with other girls, even if that promise wouldn't make her trust him. But the words were out, and it was too late to take them back.
|
|
|
|
Post by Druscilla Grace on Jul 23, 2008 21:39:11 GMT -5
"You can't give me what I want," Dru said, closing her eyes. "I want the doubt to go away. I want to know that I'm making the right choice." Which choice she was making, she still wasn't sure. She could decide to stay with Chase and pray everything worked out like she wanted, or she could pull completely away from him and try to move on with her life. She wrapped her arms around herself, strangely cold even with the warmth from the fire.
|
|
|
|
Post by Chase Firebrand on Jul 24, 2008 1:13:18 GMT -5
"What am I supposed to do?" Chase asked. "What can I do? Just tell me, Dru." Chase moved up next to Dru, trying to erase the distance by slipping his arms around her. He couldn't make her doubt go away, couldn't ease her mind, even if he'd been trying for months now. Hell, he'd tried since that one night so long ago that he regretted so much now. It hadn't been at all worth it to have Dru never trust him again.
|
|
|
|
Post by Druscilla Grace on Jul 24, 2008 11:32:07 GMT -5
Dru leaned into Chase, putting her head on his shoulder. "I'm trying to make it all go away," she said, "I'm trying to believe that this is right, I want it to be right." She took a shaky breath, "But it's so hard because I can't help but feel selfish that I just want a normal relationship and I don't think that's something we will ever have." She bit her lip, afraid now that she had said it. She wanted it, yes, but she wasn't brave enough to try to take it, whether it be from Chase or by leaving Chase and trying again.
|
|
|
|
Post by Chase Firebrand on Jul 24, 2008 13:02:59 GMT -5
Chase was silent a moment, just absorbing the relief that Dru hadn't left, that he'd been able to keep her with him for at least a little while longer. "I'm trying," he said at last, softly, afraid she wouldn't understand. He'd been pushing himself as hard as he could without driving himself crazy the way he had when they'd been officially together. He'd more or less given up sex, except for the few times in the last few months that he'd been with Dru. He'd been getting himself used to the discomfort of walking away from temptation, though admittedly, that was what he'd been having the most difficulty with. But he was getting better. And he couldn't tell Dru because she didn't want to hear those things, couldn't understand how he couldn't just make himself walk away.
|
|
|
|
Post by Druscilla Grace on Jul 24, 2008 15:48:51 GMT -5
Dru didn't speak. It was hard to imagine being with Chase and being happy, the only time she could really remember being with him and there being no fight was at the Masquerade. While they weren't exactly fighting, it felt like it, making her miserable and wish that she had the strength to just leave. Could they ever be happy together? Or would there always be doubt? If she stayed with him, would the time come that she wondered if life would have been better had she left? She sighed and stared blankly at the wall in front of her, trying to figure it out, though she had the feeling it wouldn't happen.
|
|
|
|
Post by Chase Firebrand on Jul 24, 2008 17:11:22 GMT -5
Chase was torn as to what to do. Part of him wanted to say something, knowing that if he left silence, she'd think herself in circles and they'd end up saying the same things again. But he didn't know what she was thinking, and for once, he wished he did, wished he knew what words to say to make her understand how hard he was working for her, even if he couldn't begin to tell himself why. He had no idea what to say, and so the rest of him, the part that knew he could distract her, wanted to part his lips against her neck and remind her why she put up with him. But he could see her pulling away because of it, and so he didn't act, but just held her against him.
|
|
|
|
Post by Druscilla Grace on Jul 24, 2008 17:45:24 GMT -5
Everything that came through Dru's mind to say had already been said over and over, there was no use saying any of it again. "What do you want?" she asked, eventually. They both knew what she wanted, but what about Chase? All she knew was that he didn't want her to leave, but didn't want to commit to a relationship, so what in the world did he want? If he didn't want a relationship, why would he be working so hard to make her stay?
|
|
|
|
Post by Chase Firebrand on Jul 24, 2008 18:06:50 GMT -5
Chase looked down at Dru, surprised by the question. At one time, it would have been easy; he could have told her he just wanted what they had, and nothing else. Did he want something else now? What else was there? He hadn't thought that far when he'd started pulling himself away from other girls, trying to teach himself some self control. "I want you," he said, those words the best explanation he could come up with.
|
|
|
|
Post by Druscilla Grace on Jul 24, 2008 20:27:36 GMT -5
There was a difference between wanting someone and wanting to be with someone, Dru knew, and she didn't know what to say to him. She searched her mind, wondering how to get an answer from him that she could do something with. "What do you want out of me, from me?" she asked, still staring at the wall in front of her.
|
|
|
|
Post by Chase Firebrand on Jul 24, 2008 20:42:06 GMT -5
"I want this," Chase said, knowing it wasn't enough, and searching his mind for the words to define it. He let out a heavy breath, then forced himself to speak, though the words were difficult in coming. "I want...to be able to talk with you, the way we've been doing. And I want to be with you, but Dru, I don't want to mess it up. I don't want you watching me all the time just waiting for me to screw up, it's like, if I'm expected to screw up, why shouldn't I? So I don't want to define it, and I don't want to give it up."
|
|
|
|
Post by Druscilla Grace on Jul 24, 2008 21:03:12 GMT -5
"So you want everything that goes with it, without letting me say I have a boyfriend?" Dru closed her eyes, sighing at it. She bit her lip, wishing she hadn't let that slip, because if they were together, would it even help? Somehow, Dru didn't think so, she felt like it would always be tense, that they would just fall apart again. "Do you think that this," she made sure to emphasize that she was talking about their current situation, "Will work?"
|
|
|
|
Post by Chase Firebrand on Jul 26, 2008 18:16:05 GMT -5
Chase shook his head, the motion a gesture of not knowing when combined with the slight shrug of his shoulders. "It's better than the alternative, isn't it?" he asked. But what was the alternative? It couldn't be monogamy, not yet, not when he still had trouble turning down a kiss. He knew he'd managed it last time, but he'd been resentful for it, and he didn't want to resent Dru the way he had then.
|
|
|
|
Post by Druscilla Grace on Jul 26, 2008 19:04:42 GMT -5
Dru sighed then sat up, pulling slightly away from Chase, trying to put distance so she could think. When it failed she closed her eyes, tucking her arms tighter to herself. "I need to go," she said, turning her head away from him, though she didn't pull completely away just yet. She might have been giving him a chance to keep her, but she was mostly trying to give herself time to build up the strength to leave.
|
|
