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Post by Chase Firebrand on Jul 22, 2008 19:42:49 GMT -5
The room was so silent, only the crackle of the fire and the sound of their breath, that Dru's words, soft as they were, were loud as thunder to his ears. Chase shifted, pulling Dru closer into his arms, trying to comfort her and knowing that, as usual, he was comforting her from something he'd done, or rather, something he hadn't said. His tongue swept across suddenly dry lips, and then he closed his eyes and whispered, "I'm lost, too." The confession felt naked and raw, and yet, somehow, he didn't think she'd understand. She always underestimated him, and he always let her.
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Post by Druscilla Grace on Jul 22, 2008 19:53:54 GMT -5
Dru felt the backs of her eyes burn, and she squeezed her eyelids together, trying and failing to find comfort in the feel of him around her. "What if this wasn't supposed to happen?" she asked softly, what if they were chasing an unachievable dream? She didn't want to think that, but then, perhaps... She didn't try to push away thoughts of Silver, what if meeting him was fate's way of telling them that it wasn't Chase who she was supposed to be with? But being with Chase felt so right. Wouldn't anything that she had done for so long feel right, through?
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Post by Chase Firebrand on Jul 22, 2008 20:03:49 GMT -5
Chase's jaw tightened, and he buried his face against her hair for one long moment, just breathing her in, before he replied. "It is happening," he said. He didn't believe in the fates, and so he couldn't tell her that things would work out the way they were meant to, but it felt right to him, too, and that was what he couldn't get over. He'd wanted a place to take her, and he'd found his room, and she somehow felt right there.
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Post by Druscilla Grace on Jul 22, 2008 20:14:25 GMT -5
"Why is it taking so long?" Dru asked, like a child wondering why it took so long to get to their destination. She was running out of patience and willpower, right when Chase was gathering his, it seemed. The question, she realized, was immature, some things didn't happen instantly, some things took time. But she didn't want to wait, it had been nearly a year since she had met Chase, and she was tired of waiting.
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Post by Chase Firebrand on Jul 22, 2008 20:22:15 GMT -5
"I don't know," Chase said, though in a way he did. It was him, or something about him, everything about him resisting change, and attachment, and all the intimacies that Dru wanted that he'd never had and didn't know if he could handle. He didn't even know how they'd gotten to this point. When had good conversation become deep? When had he stopped walking away when it got too hard?
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Post by Druscilla Grace on Jul 22, 2008 20:30:47 GMT -5
Dru took a breath that shook coming in and again when it left her lips. "Do you want it to happen?" she asked, not really knowing what the it that they were talking about was exactly. But she felt like they knew, or some part of them knew, they knew well enough to know that they were heading towards it, slowly but surely. Perhaps it was as simple as becoming a couple, not in the way they had the first time, but a true couple that shared a connection so strong that Dru found it nearly impossible to break away.
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Post by Chase Firebrand on Jul 22, 2008 20:40:35 GMT -5
Chase was silent for some time, thinking, trying to make himself find the answer that Dru needed. Part of him wanted to ask what it was, but he knew, even without knowing. It had something to do with the connection between them, something to do with what Dru wanted, with what he refused to admit he was afraid of. "Part of me does," he said at last, opening his eyes to stare unseeing into the room. "The rest of me..." He let out a heavy breath. "I don't know if I'm strong enough." He didn't want to bend, as much as he already felt that he had. He didn't want to break, and he felt like this could break him if he let it.
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Post by Druscilla Grace on Jul 22, 2008 20:48:27 GMT -5
Dru ran her hand over surprisingly still dry eyes, just needing the motion. After a few moments of silence, she spoke quietly. "If you don't want it, please tell me." So that I can move on, she added silently. It wasn't fair of her to ask him to make a decision, not when he had just had so much trouble giving her that split answer. But Dru was ready, to move on or to stay, she didn't know.
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Post by Chase Firebrand on Jul 22, 2008 20:56:36 GMT -5
"I don't want to let you go again," Chase said. That much was the unadulterated truth. Chase let out a sharp breath before going on. "I've been trying," he said, knowing how weak it sounded. When she wasn't around, he'd been trying. Trying to look at it differently than he had last time, because he knew he wasn't trapped, and that made all the difference. He knew this time that it was his choice to be with her or someone else, and he'd given himself just enough leeway that he didn't feel stifled. And so he'd had his kiss with Anna, but he'd been able to keep himself from any more, and he hadn't regretted it.
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Post by Druscilla Grace on Jul 22, 2008 21:07:23 GMT -5
"I can't live with a maybe anymore, Chase," Dru said, "I've already pushed myself past everything I thought I could let myself do or be with someone." Part of her wanted to keep waiting, to let it work itself out on its own, but then another part said that she had the right to have an answer and to be sure about things. She deserved to be able to be with a guy, to really be with him, not the strange relationship she shared with Chase.
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Post by Chase Firebrand on Jul 22, 2008 21:16:44 GMT -5
"So have I," Chase said, frustration ringing in his voice. He didn't loosen his arms from her, afraid that if he did, she'd leave, and somehow hoping that if he could keep her here, she'd actually listen. "You're the closest thing I've ever had to a friend, Dru, and I'm trying. I'm trying to change who I am for you, and it's hard, but I'm doing everything I know how to do!"
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Post by Druscilla Grace on Jul 22, 2008 21:28:29 GMT -5
Dru opened her eyes and looked up at him, afraid to leave but afraid that she wasn't strong enough to stay. "I don't want to leave, I don't want to give up," she said, turning her eyes away again. "But I'm running out of strength." She was afraid of his reaction, and wondering if she had just gone insane from their strange relationship. She felt so helpless, like nothing she could do would make it better.
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Post by Chase Firebrand on Jul 22, 2008 21:37:54 GMT -5
Chase felt like he'd gone insane, too. He'd given her a piece of his soul he hadn't even known he had, told her that he was changing for her, and she told him she was running out of strength. He was doing everything he could to keep her without losing himself completely. He realized then that Dru already had the power, that she could break him without even knowing she had it. "I can't do anything more, Dru," he said. He'd focused everything he could on Dru.
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Post by Druscilla Grace on Jul 22, 2008 21:51:21 GMT -5
Dru pulled her hand from underneath her chin and wrapped her arm around Chase, tucking her hand between him and the bed and pulling herself tight to him. It would be worth it, right? If she stayed and it worked out? Her eyelids were glued together and her lip was between her teeth as she fought with herself, trying to work everything out, forgetting to speak in the process.
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Post by Chase Firebrand on Jul 22, 2008 22:37:17 GMT -5
Chase couldn't begin to imagine what Dru's silence meant, but she hadn't pulled away, and to him, that was a declaration, or at least enough of one that he felt a spark of something akin to hope. He didn't want to have worked so hard to open up for her only to have her walk away. It would only be a forcible reminder of every cynical thing he'd ever told her.
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