Encyclopaedia Dramatica
My Immortal
My Immortal is the most famous, notoriously bad fan fiction ever written. Based very loosely in the Harry Potter universe and featuring the blatant Mary-Sue protagonist Ebony (or often times "Enoby"), it reads like a detailed list of everything a fanfic author could ever possibly do wrong, only taken to exaggerated, horrifying extremes. Written by super-tard Tara Gilesbie, My Immortal was originally posted to fanfiction.net sometime in 2006, but was subsequently deleted by the ff.net staff after causing a severe drop in the site's collective IQ. In fact, the fanfic is so unbelievably bad that many refuse to accept that it's real, insisting that Tara was only trolling and that the story is really a parody. Regardless of the author's intent, My Immortal remains one of the most cringeworthy, unintentionally hilarious, so-bad-it's-good pieces of literature the internets have ever shat out.
UPDATE: Tara Gilesbie`s account has been hacked. If you have any informtion on this matter, send it to Tara`s Email address, gofikchick@hotmail.com. Tara IS planning to continue my Immortal, but cant at the moment as she doesnt have an account to post it on anymore. Fangz, Flynn37.
*table of contents, yawn*
Life, Death, and Rebirth of My ImmortalWhen My Immortal originally appeared on fanfiction.net, it was wildly popular, becoming one of the most read and reviewed works the site had ever seen. The 44-chapter epic saga was posted periodically from 2006 and 2007 under the account XXXbloodyrists666XXX. During this time, the story became a hot topic for debate amongst the fanfic community, and its popularity/infamy grew to insane levels (though most of its fans weren't so much fans as they were angry critics). Every time Tara added a new chapter, she would preface it with an author's note to tell the prepz to stop flaming her work, and also often refused to release a new chapter unless she received a given amount of positive reviews. For instance, the beginning author's note to chapter five reads:
AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr! Da only reson Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws!On November 21st, Tara's account was hijacked by another fanfic author, who proceeded to write her own ending to the trainwreck of a story. The ending was surprisingly good, and it actually tied up many loose ends, but sadly was not canon and therefore doesn't count. This event occurred around the release of Chapter 39 of the fanfic, and the girl who jacked Gilesbie's account was kind enough to post the real Chapter 39 for all to lol at. Sometime later, Tara regained control of her account, and continued to post updates to MI until the fic was 44 chapters long. Her last update to the story came on July 5th, 2007. The story ended on a bit of a cliffhanger, but it never made any sense anyway so it doesn't really matter.
Tara then reportedly left to go vacation in England, and never released any further updates to the story. Then sometime in late 2008, fanfiction.net had the audacity to delete the story, partially because they were having an improvement drive to keep their standards up, but mostly because they're preps and haters. The actual reasoning was something along the lines of,
Main reason for removal: "Disregard for proper language: grammar, spelling, punctuation, and etc." The above story has been removed because it violated the guideline detailed on the upload page.Millions of netizens were shocked and appalled that The Man had taken away such a great source of lulz, so many e-heroes promptly reuploaded the story to ff.net. It was again deleted several more times until it was finally hosted on a stable external site to ensure that the world could still follow its #1 pastime of laughing at retards. Feel free to resubmit that copy to fanfiction several hundred more times in protest.
My Immortal has since become a sort of "internet pilgrimage," a journey taken willingly by those wishing to become more at one with the lulz. It's a harsh journey, and many have fallen along the path. But if you persevere and manage to read the story the whole way through, you'll be a stronger person because of it.
OMG SO GOFFIK!!1My Immortal 2: Wake Me Up InsideIn late 2008, someone posing as Tara titled created a sequel called My Immortal 2: Wake Me Up Inside. Confusion spread as to whether the sequel was the real deal, but the user later came forward and admitted to being an imposter. This fanfic was also deleted from ff.net for its atrocious spelling, but it has been re-uploaded and is viewable here [LINKED DATA EXPUNGED].
Then, a few months later, yet another My Immortal sequel appeared with the same title, but a different story. The user who posted this story, XXXmidnitegoffXXX, also claimed to be Tara. This sequel quickly became very popular, until eventually, a jealous fanfic author also hijacked this account. The person who hacked the account left this typo-ridden flame/ransom note:
NONE OF YOU AT ALL EVER LEARNS FROM YOUR MISTAKES. I HAVE HACKED RIGHT BACK INTO HER ACCOUNT, AND I WILL DELETE HER ACCOUNT IF YOU DON'T REVIEW MY STORY. DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT. REVIEW MY STORY OR THIS STORY WILL BE DELETED. I WILL NOT GIVE YOU ANY SECOND CHANCES THIS TIME. EVEN IF TARA CREATES ANOTHER ACCOUNT, I WILL HACK INTO IT AND DO THE SAME THING TO IT.
THIS STORY IS AN INSULT TO US WHO CAN WRITE. SHE HAS ALREADY GOTTEN 13,000 HITS FOR THIS STORY AND HAS REACHED TO 3400 ALREADY ON HER FIRST STORY, WITH ONLY 2 DAYS, WHAT THE fork IS GOING ON? WHY DO THE GOOD WRITERS DON'T HAVE ANY ATTENTION AND THE CRAP ONES GET fork ALL? WHY? WHY DOES SHE GET AT LEAST 2,500 HITS A DAY WE GET fork ALL?
AND THE REASON WHY I POSTED ON HER FORUM ABOUT THE INTERVIEW WAS BECAUSE I GOT MIXED UP WITH MY OTHER ACCOUNT. YES, I AM ON THE FORUMS, AND I COULD BE ANYONE OF YOU. BUT YOU WILL NOT FIND WHO I AM CAUSE I FIND MY TRAIL VERY WELL. SO THAT IS A WARMING, TO GARETH WHAT EVER THE fork HIS NAME WAS, DO NOT ATTEMPT TO HACK BACK INTO THIS ACCOUNT EVER AGAIN, OR YOU WILL forkING SUFFER.
I WANT 10,000 REVIEWS ON MY STORY BEFORE THE END OF NOVEMBER OR THIS ACCOUNT GETS DELETED, IS THAT FINAL?
—Troll-TasticWhat a whiny f*g**t. XXXmidnitegoffXXX later regained control of the account and the hacker's story was also deleted.
In early 2009, midnitegoff stepped forward and admitted that he/she was only trying to cash in on the success of My Immortal, like many had done before, and that he/she was not actually Tara Gilesbie. This version of the sequel, as well as the original story, is still viewable here. Get it before it's gone.
Most experts agree that My Immortal 2, in any of its versions, is in no way connected to Tara Gilesbie and is not an official part of the My Immortal canon.
OMFG REPORTED!My Immortal 2: Fangz 4 De VenomOMFG, it's da sekwel again!Oneonenineeleven!!1
In late 2008, "Tara" (most likely another poser) reposted the original trainwreck of a fanfic, and began working on another version of MI2. This time around, the Tara writing the new version enlisted the aid of a previously unknown entity known only as "Xanthan Gum" (aka, XG), who besides being Tara's new beta, is also her latest BF, and like Tara, created an OC so bad that it makes you want to bash somebody over the head with a mallet. Tara described Xanthan Gum as follows: "Ur so awsum, its liek raven came bak an now has a kok!" Speculation has risen over the authenticity of the newest version of what will from here on out be known as TARABOT 3.0. However, the new sequel continues the tradition of the original lulz factory, so it's all good.
PlotTo say that My Immortal has a "plot" might be something of an overstatement. It's more like a loose collection of bad ideas and misspelled words centered around overly long passages about the author's fashion sense and favorite bands. The story is set in some weird, dystopian version of the Harry Potter universe where the struggle between good and evil has been replaced with an eternal struggle between "goths" and "preps," and every main character is either gothic, emo, bisexual, a weeaboo, a satanist, a vampire, or any combination of these. The story follows the protagonist Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way, a 7th year student at Hogwarts who wanders around having random sex with HP emo clones and then describes her outfit for several paragraphs. That's seriously about it. Many other things happen in the story, but none of it follows any logical progression, so recounting it here would be a pointless endeavor. The story is written in randomly shifting third to first person in Ebony's perspective, since Gilesbie couldn't even bother to pretend that she wasn't writing her own personal self-insertion fantasy Mary-Sue bullnuts.
The plot of My Immortal has an astounding number of problems, the least of these being that normal, Muggle bands are allowed to have frequent concerts in an all-wizard village, that the story doesn't attempt to follow any laws of physics, or that multiple passages in the story are repeated verbatim. Here's a short checklist of mistakes fanfiction authors often make when writing. Let's see if My Immortal commits any of them.
- Spelling/Grammar/Usage Errors: Fun fact: My Immortal actually has fewer correctly spelled words than it has chapters after Raven stops editing.
- Canon Rape: Are you forking kidding? My Immortal rewrote the book on canon rape. You wouldn't even know this was a Harry Potter fanfic if somebody didn't tell you beforehand. Tara Gilesbie has been reported to have seventeen different types of canon STD's.
- OOC Characters: Stands for "Out of Character." A few quick examples - Harry is now a bisexual goth vampire with a pentagram scar, Hermione's name is now B'loody Mary Smith, and Hedwig is no longer a pet owl, but Voldemort's bisexual ex-lover.
- Unnecessary/Poorly Written Sex Scenes: "Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time." Even most fanfiction idiots could write a better lemon than that.
- Overabundant Pop-Culture References: Whereas most fanfic authors work their stupid pop-culture references in subtly, Tara takes the opposite approach and actually centers her story around her favorite bands and fashion, and occasionally throws in something about the Harry Potter series.
- Unnecessary Series Crossovers: Surprisingly, My Immortal does a fairly good job of avoiding this problem. That is, until Morty Mcfli shows up with his blak tim machine to save the day. Yes, Marty Motherforking McFly from Back to the Future. Apparently, he's also now a goth and gave his Delorean a new black paint job to match the goffik nature of the story. There's also sort of a brief cameo by Tom Bombadil, of Lord of the Rings fame, except he is now just one of Voldemort's many alternate identities.
- Illogical Problem-Solving: “WE SEEM TO HAVE SOME EXTRA GOFFICK W8! WE NEED TO ALL GO ON GOFFIK ANOREXIA DIETS OR WE WILL SURELY LAND-CRASH!1”
But it's really impossible to capture all of the insanity of My Immortal through words. You have to read it for yourself. So, without further ado, here is the worst/best fanfiction ever written.
Viower Excretion Advisd:*edits that out*
It goes on to list the following, but I've copy/pasted enough. Tell me if there's anything you want me to torment you with knowing.
Contents 1 Life, Death, and Rebirth of My Immortal
1.1 My Immortal 2: Wake Me Up Inside
1.2 My Immortal 2: Fangz 4 De Venom
2 Plot
3 Characters
3.1 Ebony "Enoby" Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way
3.2 Draco Malfoy
3.3 Harry "Vampire" Potter
3.4 B'loody Mary Smith/Hermione
3.5 Ron "Diabolo" Weasley
3.6 Dumbledore
3.7 Snape/Snap/Snip/Snoop/Snop
3.8 Voldamort/Voldemint/Volfemort/Vlodemort/Volxemort/[sic]
3.9 Snaketail
3.10 Hargrid/Hargid/Hagird/HAHRID
4 Memorable Quotes
5 About the Author
5.1 Trollin?
6 Raven
7 IT'S OVER 10,000!!
8 The Movie
9 The Novel
10 Legacy
10.1 Imposters
10.2 Tara-esque Authors
10.3 Tara-esque Stories
11 External Links
11.1 My Immortal Fan Clubs
There, that entertained me for a bit...
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