I Don't Believe You (Rowan/Keith)

[Keith Evans]

Keith didn't want to do this. But Dare had made good points and he had been thinking and sure it was probably the best to just go and talk. He sighed heavily for about the hundredth time since starting on the walk to Rowan's office. The door loomed in front of him, taunting and daring him to knock, but every time he raised his hand he came an inch short. Really, though, could meals at the head table get any more awkward? Could he really do anything to mess it up more? Probably not. After another minute of debate, he took a deep breath and raised his hand to knock on the door.

[Rowan Trace]

Rowan lifted his wand from the desk and gave it a lazy flick toward the door, then set it back down beside the large, heavy book he was poring over, pausing just long ennough to push it exactly parallel. "Come in," he called, without looking up. He'd found something that might make a good lesson and didn't want to lose his place if it was just another student come to argue his summer reading assignment. It was fifteen pages. For the effort of arguing, they could have read it twice.

[Keith Evans]

Keith took yet another deep breath and pushed the door open. "Hey," he said as he shut the door behind him. "Can we talk? I don't want to interrupt or anything but..." This was a mistake, he should have just kept his head down and ignored Dare's advice. But hadn't he always wanted to just prove to Rowan that having a friend could be worth it? Trying to work things out would help that point, wouldn't it?

[Rowan Trace]

Rowan's eyes widened slightly at the familiar voice, and it took him just long enough to compose himself that he was distressed even further. "I didn't realize we had anything to talk about," he said coolly. "But if you must, shut the door behind you." He didn't want to talk, so why hadn't he just told Keith to leave? He wasn't sure, and he didn't like the combination of feelings swimming around in him. Some weird relief or satisfaction or eagerness, he wasn't sure which, conflicted with a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach, like dread or guilt. He didn't like it, and so he refused to acknowledge it.

Rowan closed his book and pushed it aside, then tilted the edge so that it still faced him properly. He gave Keith an expectant look, but one which didn't last long. His gaze skittered away to the pile of pillows against one wall. He'd intended to go through them and make sure they were all in good shape, and he tried diverting some of his thoughts that way.

[Keith Evans]

Everything Keith had talked about with Dare flew from his mind as his eyes found Rowan's for a split second. "How have you been?" he asked. He didn't sit, unsure if he was welcome to. "It was all kind of sudden." Unfinished. The tension he felt in his every muscle proved to him that it was certainly unfinished, if there had been any doubt in his mind before now.

[Rowan Trace]

"Nothing was sudden, and I don't know why you're surprised," Rowan said, the words quick and deliberate. He pushed to his feet, suddenly too filled with nervous energy to sit. "I've been fine, I've been busy getting ready for the start of term and I'm perfectly happy." He paused, having paced as far as the windows. "You don't owe me anything, you don't have to be here."

[Keith Evans]

Keith decided not to argue about whether it was sudden or not. Everything had been fine and then a day later Rowan had left. He considered that pretty sudden. "I just wanted to come check on you, we haven't talked since. I'm not begging for you back or anything, just wanted to maybe talk about it." Maybe at least there could be some closure.

[Rowan Trace]

"There's nothing left to talk about," Rowan said firmly. He crossed his arms over his chest and stared out the window at the students running around in their last week of freedom. "We're not compatible, and it would be better just to pretend nothing happened. It's been weeks, surely you've moved on." Rowan refused to let himself think about it, but Keith had already been looking for someone else to dance with when they'd been out. That whole trip had been a waste of time.

[Keith Evans]

"Taking someone home isn't moving on," Keith said. "Pretending nothing happened won't do either of us any good. We're at least a little compatible, or we would never have been friends." Lying to themselves wouldn't do them any good, either. Why wouldn't Rowan look at him? It was unnerving, but it screamed that something was going on that Rowan wasn't acknowledging.

[Rowan Trace]

"It's in the past, it doesn't matter anymore!" Rowan said adamantly. He didn't like Keith's distinction between moving on and taking someone home, and he didn't like the reminder that whatever friendship or arrangement they'd had was less important than being able to writhe around naked or being openly emotional. That was a load of hippogriff dung. "We already tried friends, coworkers, and dating. I'm not leaving Hogwarts, so you can deal with my presence and let it go."

[Keith Evans]

Keith refused to let himself go overboard this time. He could be rational and calm, it just took work. "After the beginning, why did you keep being with me?" he asked. "I overreacted, I know it was an experiment at first. But if it wasn't successful, if we didn't work, why keep going? You weren't interested, but you didn't push me away." It made no sense, and not knowing was probably part of why it had ended.

[Rowan Trace]

"I wasn't interested physically, and I'm not explaining asexuality again." He turned from the window now, obviously upset as his steely gaze found Keith. "You said you weren't here to beg for me, so why are you here? To hear things I've already explained? Use your memory and a bit of logic and you can answer your own damned questions."

He didn't owe Keith closure, didn't have any responsibility to make him feel better about anything that had happened. He had given full warning of what he was capable of before anything had happened, and he'd done everything he'd promised and anything Keith asked him to. And Keith had gotten repeatedly pissed off because he wouldn't talk about his past and his feelings.

"I wanted someone I could have intelligent conversation with, and it wasn't you. So I ended it. Take your heart-on-sleeve attitude and go cry to someone else. I'm finished giving you anything."

[Keith Evans]

"I just want to understand why someone that's asexual, which I'm not against all, by the way, would be willing to do what you did," Keith said. "I don't go around kissing girls when I'm drunk, so why is it that you made out with me? You were angry with me because of how I can be, because I wanted to know you, I'm sorry I pushed too hard." He wanted to get it, so then he could either move on or figure out a way to fix it. "There's nothing logical about what we did." They had been an asexual and a fetishist attempting something one of them hadn't even wanted.

[Rowan Trace]

"I don't know!" Rowan exclaimed, throwing his hands out to his sides. "I don't know, but it made you happy and so I did it. I told you I would when I woke up at your place that I'd try and I didn't mind, and I tried, and it wasn't enough for you. There, use that against me! Take it and leave me alone so I can get my life back!"

[Keith Evans]

"Why would I use it against you, Rowan? I wanted it to work, and it did work. An argument or two is normal, it doesn't mean I suddenly don't want to be with you or whatever," Keith said, then tilted his head, puzzled. "But why did it matter if it made me happy? I didn't think you particularly cared." He knew Rowan liked hanging out with him, but that didn't normally extend to doing things that went against his asexuality to make him happen.