Searching for a Book (open)

[Zilnafa]

"Oh yeah. Totally. I'm so going to pick on you since you're the first person to talk nice to me at Hogwarts. I'm so planning to use this against you." Zilnafa heard the sarcasm in her own voice and winced. This was hard enough without her attitude.

"I'm sorry." She said in a small voice. "I'm mean. Tell me please. I promise not to pick on you. I won't say anything after you tell me. I swear."

[Jory Addison]

Jory shifted in his seat before resting on his heels and his teeth found his lip for a few brief moments. He kept his eyes low as he spoke softly, hoping that no one else would hear. "I tried to come out." And he had just been picked on and made fun of. So he had hidden away his shirts and tried to take it back. They still commented, but it wasn't as bad as it could have been. He tried to stay away from them.

[Zilnafa]

Zilnafa blinked. She'd heard the words and understood what Jory meant. She tilted her head and rethought it. Jory was still slightly taller then her, his brown hair was still slightly mussed and his eyes were still violent blue. He didn't change and he didn't look dirty.

She'd known people who were gay. A few people at the orphanage had admitted to it. They hadn't been wizards of course so maybe it was different but it seemed that it wouldn't make such a large deal.

"Okay." Zilnafa nodded. "That's fine." And she smiled at him deciding that it was fine.

[Jory Addison]

Jory looked at Zilly for a few moments, suspicion washing over him that he would never have felt a couple of months before. Then his eyes brightened and his lips spread in a smile. "You don't think it's....weird or anything?" he asked. A moment of panic soon overran the relief. "But I'm not out, like...technically, so..." Please don't tell anyone. Even if the whole school already secretly knew, he didn't want it to come up again.

[Zilnafa]

"Weird?" Zilnafa thought over what to say carefully. "I don't think it is. I know some people who would. I'm not going to lie to you and say that there aren't people who would. But I don't think so." She paused and smiled. "I won't tell anyone. I swear. It's not my secret to tell."

[Jory Addison]

Jory smiled again. "Thanks. I like it when people know, it's nice...well...as long as they're not mean to me about it. I mean...I never even thought it was wrong or anything, I didn't know that boys were only supposed to like girls until I was a second year." And it had been a shock. It had taken him a long time to get used to the fact that other people didn't think he was normal.

[Zilnafa]

Zilnafa laughed. And then she couldn't stop laughing.

"I'm not laughing about you." Burst of laughter. "Seriously." Laughter. "No, I was just." Peals of laughter. "Laughing at what your face." Uncontrollable laughter. "Must have looked like when you." Zilnafa couldn't control herself. "When you...when you...figured it out." She dissolved again bending over and holding her sides. "Please don't be angry or upset." A giggle escaped her lips. "I'm sorry."

[Jory Addison]

Jory wrapped his arms around himself and looked away from Zilly. "Well, how would you react if someone told you it was wrong to like who you like?" he asked. He could realize that she wasn't meaning any offense, but he couldn't bring himself to smile and say it was okay, either. One arm unwrapped from around himself and dropped to his lap as his fingers started playing with his thumb ring.

[Zilnafa]

Zilnafa sobered instantly. Whoops. This was a delicate matter and she was laughing about it. She disgusted herself.

"I'm sorry. I know that was rude. I really apologize." Zilnafa looked at her shoes again. "I can't say I can relate to you in anyway because I know nothing I've been through can ever be like what you went through so I'm sorry."

Suddenly frusterated Zilnafa through her hands up in the air. "It was so much easier when I was back in Africa and nobody cared what I thought." Feeling the anger rush out of her body she turned her attention back to Jory.

"I'm sorry Jory." She whispered. "I really truly am. It was wrong to laugh, so very wrong and there is nothing that I could ever do to make it up to you. And I understand if you never want to speak to me again. But I really really am sorry."

She frowned at her shoes.

[Jory Addison]

Jory didn't know what to do. He hated the idea of holding a grudge, but he also hated the idea of being around someone that could slip up so easily. After a few moments he looked up, his eyes tracing Zilly's face as he thought. "It's okay," he finally said softly. He could be such a pushover, like when he had been unable to stay angry with Lyric that first time.

[Zilnafa]

"It's why they put me in Slytherin." Zilnafa murmured still not looking at Jory, thinking that he might not want to offend her in case she outed him. She would never do that. "I have no self control. There is no filter from my brain to my mouth."

She knew she'd make a horrible friend. It wasn't good to keep her around not when she couldn't keep her mouth shut. And it would hurt if Jory didn't want to be her friend, but she would accept it. She would not push herself on to someone who didn't trust her.

"You don't have to say okay." She raised her face and stared at his eyes. "Not if you aren't completely sure that it's okay."

[Jory Addison]

Jory watched Zilly for another few moments before he dropped his eye and shrugged. "Everyone makes mistakes," he said finally. He didn't want to think about it anymore, he wanted to push on away from it. "So...what do you like to do?" It seemed like it would be safest to take the conversation away from him, to focus it somewhere else.

[Zilnafa]

"I like to run. And read." Zilnafa answered but kept her eyes narrowed. "Don't change the subject. It has to be okay."

She could feel her stubborn streak kick in and she knew she was digging in. She did not deserve to be Jory's friend if he would worry she would out him at any time. She would not let him be scared into being her friend. She wouldn't allow it.

[Jory Addison]

"I said it was okay," Jory said, looking up at Zilly. "What to you want me to say?" He didn't know what else he could say. Staying on the subject would just make it worse. The more he thought about it the more it would bug him. It was better to just forgive and forget, at least that was what Jory thought about it all.

[Zilnafa]

Zilnafa could feel tears of anger fill her eyes. This wasn't going to end well and she knew it. She'd couldn't say anything to salavage this and she was more angry at herself then she'd been in years. She could feel her face get hot with repressed anger, and she had to get out of there before she blew up. She needed to run.

"Sorry, Jory." She mumbled letting her eyes drop from him and watched her feet. "But I have to go before things get worse. Maybe I'll see you later?"

And she turned and trotted as fast as she could before Jory could see her cry.