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Post by Markise Sterling on Jun 14, 2009 19:06:59 GMT -5
Markise's thoughts were broken at that, and he looked aside at Ariel, brows drawing lightly together. "I don't," he said softly, almost apologetically. He wished he could tell Ariel that it wouldn't be long, but it was something he could admit he knew little about. He let his hand slide up Ariel's back to rest on his nearest shoulder, a pose that felt comfortable somehow, but that he knew from experience would be safe if someone walked by. "I'm here whenever you need me."
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Post by Ariel Logan Callahan on Jun 14, 2009 19:19:33 GMT -5
Ariel nodded, "I know." That didn't stop him from wondering and hoping that it would stop soon. "Sometimes it feels like it's getting worse," he said, laying his head on his arms and looking over at Markise. He didn't want to go back. Did he? The only reason he was stopping was because he hadn't had money, wasn't it? He closed his eyes and fought those thoughts away. He didn't need to think about anything like that right now.
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Post by Markise Sterling on Jun 14, 2009 19:40:38 GMT -5
Markise could see the struggle in Ariel's eyes, and the defeat in that strange posture. "I wish I knew what to do," he said, the honesty behind the words evident in his voice. He wished he could take away all Ariel's pain, all his addictions and fears, but the best he could manage was staying close enough to catch him if he started to fall. Or to hover and try to keep Ariel from falling at all.
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Post by Ariel Logan Callahan on Jun 14, 2009 19:51:11 GMT -5
Ariel could have said so much more, but he couldn't bring himself to. This wasn't him. He was self-confident and sure, he knew what he wanted and he knew how to get it. He knew what to do to survive and succeed well enough in life to keep out of trouble. He was not weak or someone that needed to ask for help, he was not this weird addicted curled up figure. He closed his eyes tighter and turned his head away from Markise, facing the opposite direction with his hair falling over his face.
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Post by Markise Sterling on Jun 14, 2009 22:18:59 GMT -5
It hurt to be so closed off when they'd been so close at times, but Markise didn't feel like he had the right to push much more than he already did on a daily basis. Ariel was stubborn and prideful, and he knew how lucky he was to have gotten as much cooperation as he had. "Do you want lunch?" he asked at last. He wasn't at all sure if lunch would still be out, since there was no way he'd go into direct sunlight just to see where the sun was at and guess, but it was something besides sitting there with this horrible silence between them.
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Post by Ariel Logan Callahan on Jun 14, 2009 22:43:05 GMT -5
Ariel shook his head. He wasn't hungry, or maybe he just didn't want to be around people right now. Maybe he wanted to wallow in self pity for a little while. He hadn't done that in a while. "I'm okay," he mumbled, then wrapped his arms further down around his legs. No, he wasn't okay, but he could think of at least five things he would rather have than lunch right now, and Markise wouldn't agree to any of them.
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Post by Markise Sterling on Jun 14, 2009 22:53:19 GMT -5
Markise's eyebrows drew together again, and he told himself lunch could wait. It wasn't like he'd never gone without before. He decided it was easier not to argue, so he brought his hand back and scooted up next to Ariel so that the sides of their bodies touched. Then he mirrored Ariel's pose, though rather than looking away, he looked toward Ariel for a short time before closing his eyes.
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Post by Ariel Logan Callahan on Jun 14, 2009 23:03:06 GMT -5
Ariel didn't know how long it was before he looked over at Markise again after feeling the loss of that hand so quickly followed by the touch of Markise's body. It had brought a wave through him and for a moment he couldn't help but want to lay with Markise in his arms. When he saw Markise there with his eyes closed he watched for a few long moments before he reached out to brush Markise's hair away from his face. Even if he couldn't see his eyes other than to know they were closed, he wanted to see as much as he could of Markise's face.
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Post by Markise Sterling on Jun 14, 2009 23:11:36 GMT -5
Markise had just begun to doze when he felt the soft brush of Ariel's fingers. His eyes fluttered open to find Ariel watching him. He hoped his sunglasses were enough to hide his eyes, though they were so close he wasn't sure it would work. He didn't say anything, didn't pull away, but watched Ariel back, debating closing his eyes again and pretending he was asleep just so the moment would continue.
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Post by Ariel Logan Callahan on Jun 14, 2009 23:25:26 GMT -5
Ariel wasn't focused on Markise's eyes, but even if he was he might have just ignored it anyway. He smoothed his hand over Markise's hair and then moved his fingers through it. He missed it, he could at least admit that much to himself. But keeping himself from being with Markise was part of his own personal trial. If he let himself slip that one little bit, how could he know that he wouldn't do anything else?
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Post by Markise Sterling on Jun 14, 2009 23:31:57 GMT -5
Markise had such a weakness for the feel of fingers sifting through his hair. He let out a soft sigh as his eyes closed, then he relaxed a bit against Ariel. This felt so nice, and he started thinking about how nice it would feel to just hold each other and touch, and he reminded himself how easy it had been to throw caution aside to be together just that once. Ariel was right, they shouldn't, so he let himself enjoy the moment.
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Post by Ariel Logan Callahan on Jun 14, 2009 23:37:42 GMT -5
Ariel looked over Markise's face, taking in every little dip and curve and recommitting it to memory. He let his hands move through Markise's hair over and over, over each little part that he could find, letting no part go untouched. It was a strange intimacy and a relief to let himself do it, something little that didn't have to lead to anything else. It could just be what it was.
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Post by Markise Sterling on Jun 15, 2009 8:34:04 GMT -5
Markise didn't want to understand this, he only wanted to soak it up for as long as Ariel was willing to go on. This was so much infinitely different than having Anna stroke his hair, different than anyone if he was honest with himself. It soothed more than his body and mind, and though his chest had tightened, he was more content than he'd been in quite some time. He wanted to give something back to Ariel, but he couldn't think of anything that wouldn't be too much, and he wasn't sure he really could have moved anyway.
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Post by Ariel Logan Callahan on Jun 15, 2009 11:39:08 GMT -5
Ariel didn't know if he wanted Markise to respond to it more than he already was. He just knew that it felt good and that he didn't want to stop just yet. Eventually, though, he did stop and he brought his arm back to join the other around his legs and look at Markise. "Thank you for helping me," he said softly, tightening his arms.
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Post by Markise Sterling on Jun 15, 2009 11:51:06 GMT -5
"Mmhm," Markise hummed softly. He couldn't have opened his eyes if he'd wanted to, so he let himself keep floating for a while. He'd needed that feeling of closeness as much as he'd needed last night, and now he felt satisfied.
"Thank you for being my friend," Markise said, the words barely more than a breath and only just audible over the rustle of leaves in the breeze. "I always knew it was there." Ariel's strength had never been in question, and though Markise had given up countless times, somehow Ariel had always managed to remind him why he couldn't really give up.
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