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Post by Ariel Logan Callahan on Jun 13, 2009 23:10:00 GMT -5
Ariel nodded, "Good." But he kept his eyes away from Markise, safely on finishing his belt and then bending to add his shirt. Once that was done he ruffled his hair to where it lay comfortably over his eyes and ears again, free from its holder. He didn't put on his shoes just yet but sat down beside Markise. "So why couldn't you sleep?" he asked.
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Post by Markise Sterling on Jun 13, 2009 23:15:43 GMT -5
Dammit. Markise was too groggy to think of a good lie, but his sunglasses gave him enough distance to attempt one anyway. His mind was racing with flashes of sound and sensation—the truth—and the best he could think of was, "The guys were being noisy." Apparently all night, nonstop, and to such a volume that Markise couldn't ignore them. He shrugged off the details. It was still better than telling Ariel what had really happened.
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Post by Ariel Logan Callahan on Jun 13, 2009 23:30:20 GMT -5
Ariel raised an eyebrow at that answer, "All night?" he asked. He knew his own group of guys in the dorm could be loud, but they usually calmed down by at least two, if not earlier. Of course, that didn't bother him very much, considering how little sleep he could run on. He ran his hands through his hair one more time and then settled them on his knees again.
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Post by Markise Sterling on Jun 13, 2009 23:39:52 GMT -5
Markise nearly groaned at Ariel's unacceptance, whether that was a word or not. "I just couldn't," he said, and shifted uncomfortably before pushing into a sitting position. "I'll be fine tomorrow." Though he was wondering when he could get out again. That message from Robbie hadn't done anything to discourage him from sneaking out. All he had was that feeling of hypocritical guilt.
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Post by Ariel Logan Callahan on Jun 13, 2009 23:45:13 GMT -5
Ariel's eyebrows came together, but he refused to push. So he looked away and out over the water. He brought his legs up closer and wrapped his arms around his knees, resting his chin on his arms. It was a pose that was fairly new to him, he had never been one to physically close off as much as he had since coming to Hogwarts, and it was even more common now, after his trip to St. Mungo's.
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Post by Markise Sterling on Jun 14, 2009 12:28:07 GMT -5
Markise didn't like seeing Ariel like that, so he went back over what he'd said. He hadn't said anything harsh, so why was Ariel pulling away? I'll help you if I can. You've helped me so much lately. But Ariel couldn't help with this! Ariel couldn't give him the stress relief he needed. "You're helping me, Ariel," he said softly, looking down at the grass. "But I need to do this alone. Just this."
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Post by Ariel Logan Callahan on Jun 14, 2009 12:35:41 GMT -5
Ariel shook his head and shrugged. It didn't matter. "It's not a big deal." But still, he wanted to know what Markise had done, though he was starting to get an idea. It was only helped along by what Markise had just said. It was going to be painful staying in the same apartment, if it was like this when they were only seeing each other a couple times a day.
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Post by Markise Sterling on Jun 14, 2009 13:07:03 GMT -5
Markise sighed softly, not at all relieved at Ariel's assurance. He knew a blow-off when he heard one. This wasn't helping. The tension between them was too thick, his only consolation that he wasn't desperate for physical contact as well. It had helped him so much yesterday, if only for a short time. He looked aside at Ariel, debating, but he'd never tried to hold Ariel before. Would he get pushed away? He decided to take the chance. Ariel had given him so much, and it was so little a thing to settle a hand at Ariel's back.
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Post by Ariel Logan Callahan on Jun 14, 2009 13:29:11 GMT -5
Ariel picked his head up to look over at Markise, confused by the hand at his back. Still, he looked away again, out over the lake. He couldn't pull away from that small touch. He still wasn't used to touching and being touched, at least not by someone he cared about. "I said it wasn't a big deal," he said again. He felt the tension, but he didn't want to acknowledge it right now.
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Post by Markise Sterling on Jun 14, 2009 13:48:19 GMT -5
That look Ariel had given him affected Markise, though he couldn't be sure what it had meant. But Ariel hadn't pulled away. "I didn't argue," Markise said softly. Not with words, anyway. They knew each other well enough not to need words, as strange as it felt to admit something like that to himself. Markise looked away from Ariel back to the grass in front of them, unsure how else he could make this any better.
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Post by Ariel Logan Callahan on Jun 14, 2009 14:13:33 GMT -5
How had it ended up like this? Ariel would never have guessed he would end up like this, in this situation. He had always assumed he would end up like his brother. "It's been good to get in the water again," he said, bringing the subject away from it all. In the water, he could momentarily forget all his troubles, and the urge to do other things wasn't nearly as bad.
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Post by Markise Sterling on Jun 14, 2009 14:40:57 GMT -5
Markise nodded, glad that Ariel had that back. "Does it help much?" he asked, looking aside at Ariel. He thought it would, since Ariel had taken to it again so quickly, but it was something they could talk about that would be safe. They'd only been swimming together twice so it wasn't something that was just theirs. His gaze dropped again. He couldn't help thinking of that one day with Larten, and wondering how that had fallen apart so quickly. And yet, he had a hard time wishing for it back.
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Post by Ariel Logan Callahan on Jun 14, 2009 14:53:47 GMT -5
Ariel nodded and propped his chin on his arms again. "It helps a lot." Even when he did think about some of those things, it wasn't overwhelming, it was calming. He could think things through and they wouldn't bother him. It was even more relaxing than when he was in his bed alone in the dorm. "It's always kept me level before."
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Post by Markise Sterling on Jun 14, 2009 15:53:39 GMT -5
Markise nodded, unsure what to say about that. He would have said that everyone needed something to keep them level, but he didn't want to get that close to things he didn't want to talk about. Ariel would be better off not knowing, and he'd be better off not having to talk about his weakness. He tried to think of something else, but commenting that he'd survived winter wouldn't do any good, either. He'd only just barely survived it, and was still recovering.
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Post by Ariel Logan Callahan on Jun 14, 2009 18:40:32 GMT -5
Ariel shifted slightly, but kept his gaze firmly on the water. "Do you have any idea how long it'll take before I don't want it anymore?" he asked after a little bit. He didn't know how long he could take it. It wasn't as painful as it was to begin with, but he was also aware that his thoughts were on those things more often now. What if it never went away unless he let himself do it again?
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