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Post by Ariel Logan Callahan on May 29, 2009 20:55:02 GMT -5
Ariel glanced around and, after being sure no one was around, put one arm lightly around Markise's waist. He didn't plan on letting himself go further, but he couldn't let himself just sit there with Markise like that. "Is there anything you need to get out?" he asked, "I"ll listen, even if I can't help." He wanted to feel useful for once!
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Post by Markise Sterling on May 29, 2009 21:11:45 GMT -5
Markise closed his eyes, unable to speak with even that light contact. His mind flashed back to that afternoon in the corridor and the night that had followed, when he'd felt so comforted for once in longer than he could remember. But they were outside now, where anyone could see them! Markise's eyes closed tighter, but he couldn't push away how good it had felt. He could keep himself from more this time. He shifted, then leaned into Ariel, resting his head against the crook of Ariel's shoulder. "This is what I need to get out," he said softly. He wanted to feel connected to someone again.
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Post by Ariel Logan Callahan on May 29, 2009 21:20:30 GMT -5
Ariel's arm slipped further around Markise and he stared out over the lake. If it was what Markise needed, he would do it, though he didn't want to go further. He wanted to wait until it wasn't possible to wait anymore. He didn't ask if there was anything else, he didn't say that he would do whatever Markise needed, though he would do as much as he felt comfortable doing right now.
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Post by Markise Sterling on May 29, 2009 21:40:02 GMT -5
It felt so good having Ariel's arm around him, being taken care of if only for a short time. Markise rested there, absorbing everything he could, taking that feeling to try and repair some of what he'd tried so hard to give. And not just to Ariel, though there was no denying that Ariel was a large part of it. He was giving a full month to Dare to make him happy. "Should I have said no?" he asked softly. "To Dare and Michael?"
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Post by Ariel Logan Callahan on May 29, 2009 21:44:38 GMT -5
Ariel paused, but after a few moments he shook his head. "No," he said. "He's your friend, isn't he?" He thought that if he had had a friend for that long, he would go to something as important as a fake wedding. He also didn't know how much it hurt for Markise to think about it. "I think...that you should be there for your friends."
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Post by Markise Sterling on May 29, 2009 22:24:09 GMT -5
Markise made a low sound of displeasure, but didn't argue. That was what he'd decided on his own, wasn't it? Sort of. He'd been pushed, but he could have just flat-out refused. No, no he couldn't have. He'd tried that. He didn't want to think about it. He squeezed his eyes tighter. "Are we friends?" he asked softly. It was stupid, especially when he knew, but hearing it helped.
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Post by Ariel Logan Callahan on May 29, 2009 22:32:23 GMT -5
Ariel looked down at Markise and nodded, "Yeah, at least...I like to think we are." He had no idea what he had considered Markise and his relationship before, but now...it had to be friendship, didn't it? They couldn't not be, not with how Markise had helped him and how they had stayed together the past couple of weeks. They were going to be living together, he hoped they were friends.
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Post by Markise Sterling on May 29, 2009 22:42:58 GMT -5
Markise nodded lightly from his place tucked against Ariel. "I just needed to hear it," he said softly. There was no misinterpreting the simple answers that Ariel gave him, not anymore. He used to all the time, but either Ariel had learned to think about what he said or Markise wasn't as touchy as he used to be. Maybe both.
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Post by Ariel Logan Callahan on May 29, 2009 22:50:58 GMT -5
Ariel nodded and tightened his arm briefly. He mentally compared Markise to the group he had been annual friends with during the short time during the summer back home. It was a strange comparison, he had had fun with those guys, but somehow he didn't miss them, not now. Perhaps it was because he wasn't doing anything anymore, he was trying to stop doing all the things that he knew that group would do for fun. It was odd to think, but it felt like Markise was the best friend he had had. The revelation was either very, very sad, or incredible, and he wasn't quite sure which one it was.
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Post by Markise Sterling on May 29, 2009 23:21:06 GMT -5
It took time for Markise to begin to relax, but eventually he began to. His mind still felt tight, filled with thoughts he didn't want to deal with, but he no longer felt like he'd explode at any given moment. Still, he didn't pull away. He tried to let himself think instead, but physical relaxation didn't make his thoughts less morbid, only less frightening. "Do you believe in anything?" he asked at last, his voice soft as it broke the silence. He wasn't sure himself. Everything had gone wrong for so long that it was hard to believe in anything anymore.
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Post by Ariel Logan Callahan on May 29, 2009 23:27:01 GMT -5
Ariel raised an eyebrow and glanced down at Markise. "Like what?" But he had a feeling that he knew what Markise meant. He shrugged. "If there is something, it doesn't care about me." There was no reason for him to believe or care about anything. It was obvious that nothing cared about him; if it did, then his life wouldn't have been nearly as hard as it had been. Practically from the day he was born it seemed like everything was out to get him. "Why?"
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Post by Markise Sterling on May 29, 2009 23:44:07 GMT -5
"I haven't in a long time," Markise answered. "Everything feels pointless. Most of the time," he added, only for propriety. He'd meant life in general, but the way Ariel said it made Markise think about religion, and the popular view of a benevolent god. Who hated him. "If there's anything, I'm going to hell for it anyway, so I don't even know why I care." Why didn't he have casual sex? Why didn't he go to Mano and let him watch something? Why didn't he drop out in February like he'd wanted to?
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Post by Ariel Logan Callahan on May 29, 2009 23:51:22 GMT -5
Ariel shook his head slowly. "As far as I can tell, I'm just supposed to be miserable 'til I die," he said, then shrugged again. He didn't want to be miserable until he died, which was part of the reason he wanted to finish school. He wanted to feel worth something, and he hoped that graduating would give him at least some feeling of self-worth. All he could do was hope that it got better. Eventually.
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Post by Markise Sterling on May 30, 2009 11:36:20 GMT -5
"I don't believe anything's supposed to happen," Markise said. He opened his eyes at last, though he didn't focus on anything. "There's no reason to try if we're supposed to get kicked around." There was no reason not to just do whatever the hell he wanted and screw the consequences if he was going to be miserable anyway. Some part of Markise realized he was in dangerous territory talking like this, especially with Ariel and all he'd been through and was going through, but he was too tired to keep it all bottled in when there was someone who wanted to talk to him.
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Post by Ariel Logan Callahan on May 30, 2009 12:02:07 GMT -5
Ariel didn't respond. He had never thought about any of it before. He had never had any reason to, other than to curse whatever had given him such a crappy hand to live off of. His life hadn't started out great, hadn't been great at all, ever, the only highlights had been when he had been with Markise. And that had happened few enough times not to count.
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