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Post by Markise Sterling on May 28, 2009 21:45:55 GMT -5
Markise swept his hand through his hair, then lowered his head slightly, shaking it. "I said we'd go." He glanced back at Ariel, then quickly back to the grass in front of his shoes. "Not together, I mean... I could talk to Brin maybe and you could go with her. We'd have to like, stay at school til July first, but the castle's open." He didn't want to do it, didn't want to stay, didn't want to go to the damn ceremony, but they wouldn't just let him say no!
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Post by Ariel Logan Callahan on May 28, 2009 21:51:46 GMT -5
"Why do I have to go?" Ariel asked, raising an eyebrow. He didn't like Dare or Michael and he knew they didn't like him. Staying in the castle for an extra month was nothing, it just meant that he could start working out regularly again like he used to instead of just sporadically whenever he had the spare time. There would be a lot more free time, but he could manage.
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Post by Markise Sterling on May 28, 2009 21:57:54 GMT -5
Markise's brows drew together, and he didn't want to say that he was bringing Ariel to watch over him, to make sure he didn't run off to London. But it was that or the half of his reason he never would have admitted to DareandMichael, or even just Dare. He closed his eyes tightly and shook his head again. "I can't do it alone," he said softly. He couldn't expect Ariel to sit next to him, to hold his hand and say comforting things, but just having him close would would have to be enough.
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Post by Ariel Logan Callahan on May 28, 2009 22:06:15 GMT -5
Ariel eyed Markise and something tickled in the back of his mind. Hadn't Markise said he and Dare had dated for a little while? Had Markise never gotten over it? "I guess that means I have to dress up, doesn't it..." he said, wrinkling his nose. He didn't dress up. But he wouldn't argue about going when it seemed like Markise needed someone to be there. It wasn't like he had any other plans, anyway.
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Post by Markise Sterling on May 28, 2009 22:13:47 GMT -5
Markise ran his fingers under eyes that hadn't seen makeup in several weeks now, hoping Ariel wasn't watching him. "Thank you," he said softly, then, "I'll find you something, don't worry about it." He was the one dragging Ariel along, the least he could do was get him something to wear to it. If they showed up in street clothes, Dare would just be disappointed. He'd try his best to pretend he was happy about it all, but he couldn't pretend all the time. He was too stressed. He wanted so badly to escape to London and the clubs, to drink until he forgot everything.
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Post by Ariel Logan Callahan on May 28, 2009 22:20:26 GMT -5
"Yet something else I don't have the money to pay you back with," Ariel pointed out. He hated not having money, being right back where he was at the beginning of the school year. He had gotten very used to having whatever money he needed, and now he couldn't access his account. It was a shock, but he still had the idea in his head that he would find a way to pay Markise back for everything.
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Post by Markise Sterling on May 28, 2009 22:24:41 GMT -5
Markise caught that topic like a lifeline, dragging himself from thoughts of Dare. DareandMichael. "I'll figure out how to make you pay me back," he said halfheartedly. Maybe he would figure something out, but he couldn't do it now. "Maybe I'll make you an indentured servant or something." Ariel as his servant wasn't something he needed to think about, or sex, or DarandMichael, or any combination of those. Markise laid his forehead against his knees and tried to block out thought.
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Post by Ariel Logan Callahan on May 28, 2009 22:30:40 GMT -5
Ariel tilted his head slightly and pulled himself up, crossing his legs and watching Markise. "What is it?" he asked. He went to put his hand at Markise's back, but pulled it back before it even passed his lap to link tightly with his other hand. He could listen and help Markise just fine without touching him. Touching him would probably just make the whole situation worse.
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Post by Markise Sterling on May 28, 2009 22:37:28 GMT -5
Markise didn't know if he felt the loss of that touch because he'd actually felt it or because he'd seen motion from the corner of his eye beneath his arm. He closed his eyes to keep it from happening again. What is it? There were so many, many things. And no way to get the stress out. He squeezed his eyes tighter. "Just a little stressed," he said, the words soft, but tense. "And I'm not going to London either," he added, even softer. It didn't feel right to complain that he couldn't go out and party on Friday nights when Ariel was fighting addictions to everything.
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Post by Ariel Logan Callahan on May 28, 2009 22:46:16 GMT -5
"What is it?" Ariel repeated. "I'll help you if I can," he said, softer. "You've helped me so much lately." He wanted to help, but he couldn't do it if Markise wouldn't talk to him. Even if it was just listening, he would do whatever he could. He owed it to Markise. And he hated seeing Markise like this, though...at least this time he didn't think it was his fault.
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Post by Markise Sterling on May 28, 2009 22:53:57 GMT -5
Markise thought he had said, and it took him a moment to remember how directly he'd needed to state anything for Ariel to get it lately. But he didn't want to say again that he was horny, or that he still had a thing for Dare. He didn't want to complain about the amount of responsibility he had to take on in keeping track of Ariel, whether Ariel really needed it or not. It had worked so far and Ariel hadn't complained.
"I don't know what to say," he admitted, hoping Ariel wouldn't think it was a cop-out or a refusal to talk. "There's too much to think about and no way to get it out." No hours of mindless dancing and ego-stroking conversation, flirting and doing whatever the hell he wanted. No reason to dress up anymore.
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Post by Ariel Logan Callahan on May 28, 2009 23:04:37 GMT -5
Ariel looked down and fiddled with his hands, trying to keep himself from just taking Markise in his arms. "Isn't there anything I can do?" he asked softly. "Is there anything you can talk about?" He felt so useless not being able to do anything, felt so useless being watched and unable to do anything truly on his own. His life was ruled by Markise now, and he wanted to feel like he was actually doing something.
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Post by Markise Sterling on May 28, 2009 23:12:38 GMT -5
Markise took a deep breath, letting it out slowly as he forced himself to raise his head. "You're already helping," he said softly. He couldn't look up, couldn't look at Ariel, but he insisted, even to himself, that he was telling the truth. "I've been so lonely for so long." Lonely in so many ways, but even when he'd been visiting Mano, he'd felt the lack of anything more. He sniffled lightly and pushed ineffectually at his hair.
"Remember that night, I said... I said it wasn't enough and we were gonna... meet or something." He shook his head, unsure if he was making any sense. Not to mention he'd just brought up that night.
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Post by Ariel Logan Callahan on May 29, 2009 19:31:13 GMT -5
Ariel shifted a little and looked over at Markise. I've been so lonely. It was odd not to be lonely, Ariel had gotten very used to solitude over the years, and it didn't bother him the way it probably should have. "Yeah," he said, though he didn't know that he was really helping like Markise said he was. "Obviously I'm not helping enough," he pointed out.
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Post by Markise Sterling on May 29, 2009 20:47:55 GMT -5
Markise looked aside at Ariel from the corner of his eye. "There's more than that," he said, then dropped his gaze to the grass. "It helps more than you'd think." There was so much, and no matter how he thought about it, he didn't think he could put it all into words well enough. "There's some crap I've wanted to do too, and I haven't, but I've wanted to so badly. And... everything keeps getting worse and it's been harder not to. But I haven't," he added, glancing back at Ariel for only a moment. "And I can't now, and I'm just... confused. I want to go home!" His arms came up now, elbows resting against his knees as both hands moved into his hair. One tangled and stilled, and the other twisted.
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