Skin Deep (Anna/Chase)

[Chase Firebrand]

Chase's teeth gritted at Anna's question, as innocent as it was. Why? "Because it's nobody's business but mine," he said simply. He bit his tongue a moment, but he was tired, worn, and he couldn't seem to stop himself from going on. "I should be strong enough to deal with it myself." That was a major issue for Chase. He'd been raised in a house of power, raised to believe that weakness wasn't something to accept. You dealt with your personal issues in private, or you weren't worth the breaths you took.

[Annabelle Hennessy]

"Whoever told you that has no idea what humanity is all about." Anna knew deep down that she was insulting his family and the way he was raised, but she didn't care. She couldn't believe that someone could grow up feeling they had to keep everything to themselves and solve all their own issues. The only word that would pop in her head to describe what that must be like is lonely. She had always been taught to seek help from other, to enjoy friendships, and sharing secrets, and wanted to slap some sense into some of the wizarding families that taught the opposite. "Even the strongest muggles that rule whole countries have advisers and hold council."

[Chase Firebrand]

Chase wrinkled his nose at Anna's analogy, but it was easy enough to relate it into wizarding terms. "Those advisors tell them about countries and situations they might not know much about. They don't tell them why a girl would take a year of her life making a guy chase her then walk away for someone she'd just met, and they don't tell them why nothing they used to do is fun anymore. And they don't go to shrinks!" Chase's hand tensed again, but again he didn't pull it away, not yet.

[Annabelle Hennessy]

Anna had focused on his mention of Dru again, and almost missed the rest of what he'd spoken. She flinched as his words about speaking to shrinks hit home. She closed her eyes and took a moment to tell herself that he didn't mean anything personal against people that spoke to councilors. After a few deep breaths she still couldn't let it go; so opening her eyes and staring at a spot on the floor, she confessed. "Kane. That's the name of the Hogwarts councilor. He's pretty nice actually. He has a way with connecting to people and making them feel not so confused." She assumed he'd make the easy connection that she'd been to see Kane, and was embarrassed about it, but not as much as she thought she'd be.

[Chase Firebrand]

Chase's eyes narrowed. He managed not to make the connection, since he was still feeling highly defensive, and only glared at Anna. "I'm not going to a counselor," he said. "I'm not crazy." And his dad would kill him if he found out, but that was none of Anna's business. Chase turned his glare away from Anna then, back to the wall, trying and failing to properly distance himself from her. He could still feel her hands against his, and he still couldn't seem to pull away.

[Annabelle Hennessy]

"I'm not crazy either, but I sure felt it for a while. He helped me sort things out and stop blaming myself for Michael." Anna rubbed her thumb against the back of his hand, needing the comfort from the contact for herself at the moment. "I'm not saying that you needed to go to Kane, just that help isn't always such a bad thing." Anna hoped Chase would understand, and not view her as some sort of freak for having gone to a professional.

[Chase Firebrand]

"I don't need help" Chase said through lightly clenched teeth. "I don't care if you go talk to some sensitive jackass about your problems, but I'm not doing it." Chase's hand tensed between Anna's, preparing to pull away, but not doing so just yet. "I don't want help," he finished. Help was for people not strong enough to do things themselves, for people who didn't need to keep up a front of unbending pride. Chase wasn't just anyone, he was a Firebrand, and though he didn't think any less of Anna for her status, he knew how much his future depended on his own. It was why he'd always toed the line but never quiet stepped over.

[Annabelle Hennessy]

Anna sighed, forcing herself to be patient, and speak calmly, not condescendingly. "That's fine. Don't get help if you don't need it." She felt as if they were running circles around each other and wanted desperately to break the cycle. She released him with her top hand, moving it to brush a strand of hair away from his face. She let her fingers trail against him, moving down along the side of his neck until she rested her hand just above where his shirt started at his shoulder. "I'm not trying to make you do anything you don't want, I wouldn't dream of trying to force you into anything."

[Chase Firebrand]

Chase felt condescended to anyway, but he couldn't pull away from the feel of Anna's hand. He closed his eyes instead, trying to gather strength, even if he didn't know what it was for. He couldn't push her away no matter how hard he tried, and he couldn't be angry with her either. He didn't even want to be anymore. Part of him wondered if he prolonged the fights to keep her longer. No, the rest of him said. There's no reason to want this. Except that he was sick of being alone. "You're too good to me, Anna," Chase said, the words low, and almost afraid to be heard.

[Annabelle Hennessy]

Anna smiled at the words she'd barely heard, the first nice thing he'd said since they'd started arguing. "Not too good, just good." Annabelle replied so he could hear, hoping to lighten things a little and maybe even get something resembling a grin out of Chase. She didn't think she was too good to him, and didn't think that he really thought that either. He had been pushing her away because he didn't want a relationship with her, not because he thought she was too good.

[Chase Firebrand]

Chase didn't want to argue this time. He was tired of it. It didn't go anywhere, didn't accomplish anything. Anna didn't leave, and he couldn't seem to convince her that he wasn't worth the effort. There was nothing to do now but try to understand. "Why?" he asked. She'd given him reasons before, he knew it, but he couldn't remember them. He'd never really listened because he was so busy hating himself. He still did, but he was so tired of fighting.

[Annabelle Hennessy]

Why It was such a simple word, yet it was so complicated a question. Hadn't she just uttered those very words to Chase? She ran her thumb against his jawline as she searched for the words, her mind replaying scenes they'd spent together. "You're a good person Chase, you really are. You treat me as a human being, You've shown me you respect me, you comforted me, you've been my friend and more when I needed someone. You're fun to be around, well most the time."

All the things she said were true, until recently, when he'd been so busy trying to push her away. But that wasn't the Chase she was describing. She was talking about when he'd made her laugh in her bookstore when she'd wanted to hide away from the world, they way that he'd never pushed her to the point that she had regrets, the verbal wit he'd shown when they'd first met over a year ago. It was all who he was, much more than the brooding mean person he'd been lately.

[Chase Firebrand]

Chase let out a long breath at Anna's words. He wasn't any of those things, but had he been once? He didn't know. The first weeks at Hogwarts had been, if not fun, then at least entertaining. He'd played the game and been successful enough to relieve his boredom. Then Dru and the loss of any freedom. Then Storm and the loss of any respect. Emilian and the loss of reason. The loss of Dru and any reason to care. "I can't be who I was anymore," Chase said. He didn't want to be that guy anymore.

[Annabelle Hennessy]

"Who can't you be?" Anna wasn't sure if he was talking about the person he'd been recently, or the one who'd come to Hogwarts. Either way, she could tell he didn't believe the things she'd described him as, so she decided to give him examples of things in his life that weren't all bad. "The guy who reads muggle books? The one who defends girls in corridors? The Chase that taught me to stop hiding from life? Or the one who throws desks and tries to push me away?"

[Chase Firebrand]

Chase had looked aside at Anna, but at the end of her words he looked down, at the edge of the room where wall met floor. Neither, he wanted to say. He hardly remembered throwing the desk, but the rest he could find no argument for. He'd told Anna countless times to get out and live, and she was practicing her confrontation on him. The irony didn't escape him.