Never Before, Never Again (Emilian/Adara)

[Emilian Sota]

"I've seen people have happiness that aren't in fairy tales," Emilian said. "You just have to find it, right?" Yes, he knew her father, but he also knew that her father could be undermined. They had done it, and she was still doing it by remaining at Hogwarts instead of going home to deal with whatever the man wanted to put her through.

[Adara Snow]

Adara nearly looked at Emilian then. It was an effort to keep her gaze low, not to snap at him, though she'd had no fits of temper in many months. She'd thought she'd found her fairy tale once, thought she'd found her happiness, and it had been ripped away by someone thoughtless whom she'd believed loved her. Never again.

"I'll be marrying either Herr Warin or Brandis in the springtime," she said, the sting purposeful, though it hurt her, too. "Father is unwilling to let the former go, but Brandis has been... convincing." Could he understand now? There was no seeking happiness. She would be assigned a lot, and she would deal with it.

[Emilian Sota]

Emilian's eyes narrowed and a old sense of protectiveness washed over him. Brandis wasn't horrible, but the other... "You could always run," he said. "You are so smart...you could do anything." Like her father would simply let her go without hunting her down. He knew she could, though, she could be whatever she wanted.

[Adara Snow]

Adara didn't give a sign she'd heard Emilian. If she moved, she might sob. If she looked up, she might laugh, or cry, or both. There was no running. Where would she be on her own, with nothing and no one? "I'll be marrying either Herr Warin or Brandis in the springtime," she repeated.

[Emilian Sota]

"And you'll be miserable," Emilia said. "Do you really want to sped the next hundred years empty?" And did he really have any right to say things things to her? No, he really didn't. He pushed away from the counter and started rubbing at his gloved had.

[Adara Snow]

"It will be little change," Adara said. She clasped her hands lightly around the scroll between them and kept her gaze lowered. Who said she'd live that long, anyway? Once she'd performed her duties and brought an heir or two into the world, what use would she be? She'd had more life than she'd ever expected in a brief matter of two years.

"If all you have is criticisms of my choices, then I ask you permission to leave." A few words from a broken man would never stand up against her father. She refused to admit to herself that that wasn't the entire truth.

[Emilian Sota]

"I hate the thought of you living like that," Emilian said. He wasn't sure what he had thought her life was like or would be like. Perhaps he had thought she would find some young man that would treat her well. "They aren't your choices, anyway," he continued, turning to look at her, his voice a little sharper than he intended. "They're your father's." He stopped himself and took a step back. "I'm sorry," he said softly.

[Adara Snow]

The words didn't hurt. "My will is obedience," she said. "My will is duty. My choices are his." If there was bitterness in what she said, she did her best not to acknowledge it. She had willingly given herself back to what she'd been before Emilian, and though the lack of dreams and hopes left an empty space, it was really no less than she'd ever expected for herself.

[Emilian Sota]

"Where's the woman I fell in love with?" slipped before Emilian could close his mouth again. Count, close your eyes, focus. He had worked too hard to let his emotions get the better of him now. But she hadn't been like this. She had in a way, of course, but she had had her own personality and goals, she hadn't let him walk all over her.

[Adara Snow]

Adara's eyes closed briefly, and her brows drew together a moment before she tried forcing herself into at least the appearance of serenity. "I might ask the same of you," she replied. What had happened to the man she'd fallen in love with? How had he simply disappeared, become uncaring, become violent and vile? It was unforgivable saying such things, but perhaps he'd brought out the worst in her.

[Emilian Sota]

"I don't know who you fell in love with," Emilian said. "When I met you I was a horrible man. I don't know how you stayed with me, all I know is that the times I had with you were the best times of my life." Sure, he had had fun doing other things, as well, during and since, but when he needed to calm himself to go to bed at night he thought of a red-lipped smile framed by pale skin and dark hair.

[Adara Snow]

Adara didn't know how to respond to that. She knew quite well why she'd loved him, but had convinced herself that it had all been a lie. She'd been naive, like everyone had said, and he'd gotten what he'd wanted from her, then tossed her aside. She didn't know how to defend him from himself. "What do you want of me?" she asked softly.

[Emilian Sota]

"I want you to stand up for yourself!" Emilian said, looking at her again. "You've stood up to me before but you can't stand up to your damn father? I want to know that I did something good in your life." He wanted to know he had been a positive influence in someone's life, that he had done good things. He clenched his jaw and tried to count again, closing his eyes as he did so.

[Adara Snow]

"You abandoned me!" Adara cried. She kept her gaze steadily down, as though she wasn't breaking all over again. "Whatever good you might have done, you took it back from me. No," she corrected herself. "You taught me that dreams are only that. You taught me not to be stupid and blindly trusting. You woke me from childish dreams, my Teacher."

[Emilian Sota]

"Dreams aren't just dreams, we have to have something to aim for," Emilian argued, opening his eyes. He had his own now and though they seemed so far away, he kept reaching. "I should have talked to you. You thought I was strong and I was far from it. You always had my heart, you likely always will. The rest of me wasn't as steadfast."