Gaby's Gossip!

[Gabrielle Kedavra]

Well hello my darlings, it has been a long time but I am back. It has been no secret that the school has been in dire need of attention for a long time. With Hells' disappearance, a straggle of students continued relentlessly although how they attended classes with no professors is another matter!

School of Lust

However, during this time, many shocking events were going on. I received a letter from an anonymous source, who was all too eager to inform me of what was really going no.

"Debauchery no less! Students were jumping from one to the other! There are two male students that seem to have an unquenchful lust. One of them, a Slytherin boy named Chase, actually waits before he's got a new girl lined up before he dumps the old one. As for the Gryffindor, Emilian, well, you just can't say no to him. Both of them are in a competition with each other I'm sure."

So it looks like we have a little battle here. It has been a while since we have had a Gryffindor/Slytherin power struggle, but these two students are now giving it to us. In fact in an alarming twist, many students are already chosing sides.

"Chase is just HAWT! I would die, DIE to spend just one night with that boy!" One student told me when I asked her about the students. Another said;

"Chase is just this brooding mass of testerone, you just look into those eyes of his and feel yourself falling. Every girl here would want his strong arms around her."

One student deemed it important to interrupt. "Emilian has my vote. His accent just sends thrills down my spine. And those icy blue eyes of his.. One minute they chill you, the next they just heat you up!"

Obviously the girls of Hogwarts are currently all a fluster with the two new popular males of the school. But I am afraid I have some sad news ladies. I have been informed that Chase is currently dating Druscilla Grace, the Ravenclaw and Owner of the Bloody Mary. Emilian has been seen countless times with Savannah Brookes and more recently Adara Snow. But if their history is anything to go by, I am sure they'll be on the look out for something new soon.

Is Hells Mad?

I had a letter from someone asking about Hells' disappearance. Although many of us are glad that Hells has finally returned, a lot of questions have been asked to why she went in the first place. No one can doubt her shock on her return to the school, seeing it in it's almost closed down state. But what we ask, is why she went? Many people agree with each other.

"I think she went wacko." said one, "She did have a bad time and a bad run of lovers. Anyone else would go mad with what she went through."

His friend agreed with him. "Yeah, I heard she was walking around Hogsmede in her dressing gown drunk on firewhiskey." He recalled. "Soon after that she went missing."

When I asked Headmistress Hells where exactly she was, she just replied that she was on a sabatical, trying to reassess her life and where she belonged in it. I'm afraid to say it, but I do believe the thoughts of the students. Is Hells well enough to teach at Hogwarts again? Will she be safe? Will our students be safe? We can only wait and see...

New Hufflepuff Heartthrob?

It has been bought to my attention that Derek's position as Hufflepuff heartthrob has been taken by our very own Sports Writer, Ryan Magby. I had one letter informing me of his new status in the House.

"It's like he suddenly turned into a man or something! One minute he was this geek hanging around with the twins and now all the girls are falling over each other to get to him. I was told he is currently seeing three girls. THREE! He charms them and convinces them that they're the only girl for him. They don't know about each other of course."

Well they will now. I have written about Ryan before, mainly after the disappearance of the Wagner twin. I warned you all then to keep an eye on this scallywag, and I tell you all again.. Be careful with your hearts ladies..

I am afraid that is all for this week my adoring fans. But I will be back next week. Don't forget to send me your gossip, I never reveal my sources. So for now, ta ta!

Gaby x

[Gabrielle Kedavra]

It has been a busy fortnight! My eyes and ears have been tingling with news of gossip! Although I must say I am so very, very disappointed that you are not sending it all into me! How can one find out all this juicy stuff if you do let me know?!

I will thank one person though (who wishes to remain anonymous) for sending me an essay of the goings on. If it wasn't for her, then there would not be any gossip again this week.

Emilian and Chase The Hogwarts Rogues.

Here is the lowdown on these two studmuffins of Hogwarts. It has been made clear to me of the extraodinary going ons of this pair, some of which has been SHOCKING!

Let's start with Chase, shall we? Chase, the slytherin prefect, currently up for Head Boy is well known in the school for his dashing looks and strong demeanor. We are all aware now of his relationship with the BM owner, Druscilla Grace, but Chase certainly had his fun before her. He has been linked to
Savannah Brooks, Storm Seyrou, Lafra Seyrou (nothing like keeping it in the family), and the ravenclaw Annabelle Hennessey (who from what my sources have revealed is seeing Emilian on the sly).

Now for Emilian, who is a dark creature. If you should meet him, you would think he was a Slytherin also, but no, he's a Gryffindor! Yes! A Gryffindor!! It seems that Emilian doesn't just limit his attraction to girls! My source revealed that he had an intimate moment with a male student at the school - who knew?! Most recently he's been associated with Adara Snow, whom, if she knew what Emilian was really like she would run for the safety of the hills. My source has told me that Emilian is currently under investigation by Hells for a very serious allegation concerning one of our female students at Hogwarts. It is so serious, that Hells has been interviewing certain students to find out what is going on. No one will confirm to me what these allegations are (although I am sure we can hazard a guess) but what I can say, is to be careful around this Gryffindor. He is evil and not to be trusted.

There is a rumour that Emilian and Chase are currently laid up in the hospital wing for a duel that went out of control. We can only assume that this fight was because of the allegations that have been made and we can only wait and see what happens. Many say that Emilian will be expelled from the school, but of course my darlings, we will have to wait on Hells decision. It may all be a mistake and something small taken out of control and the grapevine has turned it into something huge! It also may be true.

My advice? Stay away from Emilian if you know what's good for you, and Adara, pull yourself together girl, you can't save this one.

Hufflepuff Heartthrob

I saw Ryan's recent denials at the rumours which currently float around the school. Of course Ryan, it's not true. I have been told, quite strongly, that Ryan is only with Gabby Brocklehurst, a gryffindor in the school. However he has been seen comforting Savannah Brooks over the last couple of days and many have seen them cuddling. Is this why the young Gryffindor is constantly fighting with Savannah and another Slytherin know to us as Storm? It is of no secret that they had a public fight on the Quidditch pitch. Is there some sort of love triangle going on that we don't know about? Is Ryan a cheating gigolo or just a poor boy caught up in all of this? I am sure he is enjoying having the girls fighting over him like this..

That is all for now, but before I put my quill down and send this to the printers, I would like to say a good luck to the prefects who are all up for Head boy and Head Girl.

I have heard that bets are going round the school (as of yet I have not found out who is running it, so I can place a bet of my own) but top runners are Chase Firebrand at 5/1 and Adara Snow at 6/1. I am glad to say that Kira Kingston is at a 150/1 of getting the position. The last thing we need is that big-headed Hufflepuff getting it.

I, myself, will stick to my house and vote. I don't think we need a womaniser as Head Boy. Who knows what he will do with his new found status?

That is all for now my adoring fans. Thank you for your wonderful comments last time and I hope to see them again soon!

Gaby x

[Gabrielle Kedavra]

Hello my adoring fans! My desk has just been covered with the latest goings on from around the school, mainly to do with those two gigolos that you all love and adore!

Head Boy and Head Girl Announced!

I shouldn't be surprised! Headmistress Hells has made some strange decisions in her time, but making Chase Firebrand Head Boy at Hogwarts? Surely she's been sipping on one too many Firewhiskeys! We all know how irresponsible he is, yet we know how much charm he exudes. One can only presume, my darlings, that this boy exuded some charm of his own on the other students and that's how he got the position. I have it on good authority that the prefects are currently cooped up in their little room planning something. I have yet to find out what it is they are working on, those prefects are tighter then a duck's backside, but I am sure I can squeeze it out of one of them given time.

As for the Head Girl, I am sure we will all be pleasantly surprised that it was not Kira Kingston, the annoying stuck up Hufflepuff, but my fellow Ravenclaw Adara Snow. She's a quiet little mouse that has been linked to that Emilian Sota (more news of him later my friends!) but she has finally been given a chance to shine! Make sure you congratulate her when you next see her!

Hospital maladies

As some of you are aware from my last issue, our two Hogwart Rogues ended up in hospital after a particularly nasty duel. However, there "time Out" didn't seem to stop them seducing the young ladies of Hogwarts. I have been given some interesting news from a first year that was in a bed near to Chase's after suffering a disastrous nosebleed when he was hit with a quaffle. Here's what he had to tell me

Some girl came to visit Chase. I think he called her Storm. They were all over each other, then from out of no where, Chase leapt out of bed and tried to strangle Emilian! It was very scary and Chase stopped just in time!!

I had a quick chat with the nurse in the hospital wing who seemed quite positively over the moon the two were now out of her wing.

Terrible! Terrible! I have never seen anything like it. Using my ward as a go between. That Chase boy, tut tut. Girls coming to see him in the middle of the night. If I catch that Savannah in my wing with my patients again, I will make sure her zap-a-zit potion is delayed for a week!

So our Chase is a hot headed lad that cannot control his temper? Is this the sort of person who we want in charge of our prefects?! I was also told by other witnesses that Pandora D'winter, a simple girl, was also chasing after Chase's affections, whilst he was laid up.Of course, one would wonder what Dru, Chase's current girlfriend, would think of all this, but I have been told that she has finally had enough of his daliances with the females of the school and given him the old heave-ho, after a bust up with one of his bits on the side! So ladies, you heard it here first, Chase Firebrand is SINGLE! Just be careful ladies, he's a heartbreaker if ever I saw one!

Out, out, OUT!

Emilian Sota has been expelled! It appeared that the serious allegations of, I am sorry to alarm you, rape, were true. I tried to warn you all in my last issue that Emilian was a dark bad lad who used his charm to lure the girls of Hogwarts to him, but it seems that it has only made him more attractive to you all! How can you be interested in a repulsive monster like him? I have it on good authority that whilst he has been dating Miss Snow, our new Head Girl, he has been seeing Eloise Thomson, a scrawny little Slytherin Prefect, who has been known to throw herself at most of the male students in Hogwarts. I believe last time it was Ryan Magby, who is still puking up undying love to his Gabby.

What is to become of Emilian, now the Headmistress has finally made a right decision in kicking his arse out of school? Upon sitting in the Hogsmede last night, I overheard a couple of wizards talking to the barkeeper about a new owner at the Jewellers. I took it upon myself to check who this new owner was this morning and to my surprise, found it to be Mr Sota himself. So please, please, ladies, take care when it comes to Mr Bad. Why Adara is still dating that loser, one can only wonder, but hopefully she'll come to her senses and find someone kinder and truer to himself and her.

Storm Vs Gabby.

I have never understood the goings on of these two. One minute they are at each others throats, cursing each other into the next millenium, then the next minute they are sitting by each other's hospital beds laughing and giggling. I have been told that Storm is taking Anger Management classes and that Gabby is being her mentor throughout this hard time. It hasn't stopped her from visiting the stud known as Chase and one wonders if he's the underlying cause of all her pent up aggression. We can only wish Storm the best of luck in getting well. Although I don't see her running though fields of flowers, singing at the top of her voice anytime soon (And if she does, I'd cart her off to St Mungo's if I was you)

That is all for this week darlings. Thank you for listening to my grumble last week and I am so very proud of you for sending so many owls to me, my desk has been groaning under the weight of them all!

See you all next time!

Gaby x

[Gabrielle Kedavra]

Hello my darling fans! I must apologise for my absence. Your's truely has been undercover, unearthing the shocking rumours that have been circulating around our school. I am sure you are all intrigued about what is currently doing the rounds on the vines, so I won't keep you any longer!

Making up for lost time
It appears to us, that our Slytherin Heartthrob, Chase Firebrand, has certainly been making up for time lost whilst he was dating Ravenclaw Dru. I have been inundated with owls from yourselves telling me that Chase has been seen on many, many occasions with several different girls over the course of the last few weeks. It's no surprise that he has been linked to Storm Seyrrou once again, but it maybe more of a surprise that he has been seen making advances towards our very own Gabby Brocklehurst, Gryffindor and Agony Aunt. Seeing that Gabby is newly engaged, (Yes you heard right, ENGAGED!) to Ryan Magby, the Hufflepuff stud. It was bought to my attention that Gabby and Ryan are planning on waiting before any wedding plans, but it seems this pair are making the most of the waiting and getting on with their last flings. As I mentioned before, Gabby and Chase were spotted frolicking near the lake and one can only imagine why they were there. However, Ryan hasn't been a good boy either. It is rumoured that he is seeing Adara Snow on the side. He's playing a dangerous game, seeing that Adara is dating Emilian. Does Ryan know what he's letting himself in for with this?!
So back to Chase. Many owls I have received have suggested that Chase is seeing all these girls to make Dru jealous and take him back. Maybe so. I am also sure that Cassie, Storm, Marisol, Brooke and Vannah are enjoying the attention they are getting from the school's bit of hot stuff.

Extra Curriculum Activities?!

I have a shocker for you all. I have had owls sent to me advising me of a certain professor giving one of his students some extra lessons after schools out. Upon hearing this news, I had to research further, interviewing members of Hogsmede and students alike. What I heard shocked even me! What I am about to tell you will make you reach for the nearest bucket and vomit your last day's food that is for sure people!

Cassie Jones, a Ravenclaw student who has been linked with Chase Firebrand in the past, had been recently seen with another Ravenclaw, Jacob Cullen. It appears though that Cassie used this young fellow to keep hidden her secret relationship, one that should everyone find out about, would be repulsed and shocked. Cassie Jones has been seeing past death eater and now Professor at Hogwarts, Julius Saturn. For those of you who are not aware of Saturn's past, Julius betrayed the school and the Headmistress by revolting against them and helping to destroy and kill many innocents. Why Headmistress Hells ever allowed him back into the school, is beyond me, however once she hears of this, she will, I am sure, regret her decision. Hells' wrath has been seen by only a few, Julius being one of those, and he should now be shaking in his boots about what she will do once she finds out. Cassie being a minor and a student at the school is as serious as they come. Is Julius a little loco? Has his past made him stir crazy?

To be honest, I'll be wanting front row tickets when Hells gets her hands on him.

That is it for now my lovelies! Don't forget to send me all gossip you hear, I will embrace is lovingly!

Also I have been asked to inform you that Gabby Brocklehurst and Dahlia Alexander are going head to head for the Agony Aunt position. If any of you need advice (Julius, maybe you should get some.) send your owls to both Dahlia and Gabby. Whoever gives the best advice will become the permanent Agony Aunt. The decision will be down to you, our readers, and a poll will go up for you all to vote on. Best of Luck to both of them!

Gaby x

[Gabrielle Kedavra]

Hello again my adorable fans,

From your comments I have seen how you have missed me so and thinking up some imaginative gossip of your own! Giving birth to a Grindylow indeed! Leaving Emilian Sota everything in my will? Ridiculous!!

But yet, here I am. Back at my desk after sitting on a beach being served by a gorgeous wizard all day. Such is life! But I ramble on. You don't want to hear about my vacation, you want to hear the gossip! And my, oh, my! There is indeed some gossip that will just curl your toes!!Let's begin at the ball shall we?

Now let's start with the costumes. There were sure some beauties walking around. It's amazing what bubotuber pus can do for the skin and a mask. We had Pirates - one even went as far to transfigure his hand into a hook. The blue lady, whom he spent most of the evening with, didn't appear to mind. So much so that when I first spotted them she had a lovely grass stain upon her dress. Of course I had to get closer to this pair and listen in on their conversation and to my shock, the pair were not students as first thought, but professors! Those that were supposed to be keeping an eye on everyone, were off to shocking behaviour themselves! Unfortunately their identities I couldn't grasp, although I am sure the male would be easy enough to work out if one thought hard enough.

We also had Princesses and Belles of the Balls, An egyption couple, Angels, some muggle characters from muggle movies. One of which seemed to think that just a pair of glasses would stop us from realising who he was! He went by the name Neo. Yet those of us that have some intellect were able to work out that this devilish figure was in fact Chase. The pure testosterone that oozed out of him was a sure sign of his identity. Plus that chiselled jaw line, the swagger. Did he want to be known at the ball? The way he strode around the room was awe-inspiring indeed. The girls wanted to be with him, the guys wanted to be him. However Chase knew what he wanted. I have no idea where this girl got her ideas from, but on first looks, one would have thought she came from the nearest brothal. Dressed in an outfit any dominatrix witch would have been proud off, this girl was dressed from head to toe in revealing black, calling herself Mistress of Death. Any man would have wanted her, but Chase claimed her first. Having never witnessed Chase at work before, I was keen to see his powers of seduction. His body remained close to hers as he whispered in her ear, his hands roamed her body and that was that. The girl crumbled beneath him and before you know it, they're snogging. I left them to it. I walked around for a bit, trying to gain information from others, sussing out who everyone was, when lo and behold! Here was Chase again, a mere twenty minutes since I saw him last! This time he was on the dance floor with some odd looking girl dressed as a medieval princess, his charm not letting him down as they were indeed kissing as well! Do they know who they were kissing? How does he do it? A potion maybe? Bewitching the mind so they fall for his charming words and promises? I lost him after that. I had heard suspicions that Emilian Sota was in attendence, but everyone I spoke to could not confirm. He was well disguised and my keen eye for details could not pick him out of the crowd. Before the night was up, the Ball seemed to be a success. The professors that were meant to be on duty, could not be identified
from the students in their attire. Other then the Blue Lady who still remains a mystery to me and most probably to her date also. Not many appeared to reveal themselves at the end of the night. Some prefered to slip away in the night, taking their trueselves
with them. I saw one girl walking back to her dorms sadly, her mask held loosely in her hand. The look on her face told me it was due to one of two things. Either the man she had been with hadn't revealed himself, or, if he had, then she would have discovered it to be Ryan Magby.

On the subject of Magby, I had an interesting Owl whilst on vacation, telling me how many of the female students are giving him a wide berth. I was told that, upon over-hearing a conversation two girls were having, one said to the other to stay away from Ryan Magby if you can help it. He's with this girl named Vannah, but he can't seem to keep it in his pants with the other girls either At first readings, I thought that they must have got the names wrong. Ryan Magby.. With Savannah?
Wasn't he engaged to the Gryffindor, Brocklehurst? As I have warned you all along, Ryan indeed is a dark horse. From what I have been told, he can not settle with just the one girlfriend, but feels a need to have mistresses as well! I looked into his past. Born to muggle parents, he is an only child. And obviously a spoilt one. He takes what he wants, leaving behind heartbroken girls as he moves onto the next one. One can only wonder that the fame he has got from writing for the Daily Prophet has gone to his head. He even calls himself the Heartbreak Kid or (to his close friends) HBK. So ladies. Please stay away from this serial womaniser. He's not worth it.

You should have seen my delight when I had some owls about the new brothers at the school. I had only tidbits of information about Silver. There were several owls telling me he was now off the market. Sorry girls. But it appears that he has become lovestruck over a fellow Ravenclaw. And would you Adam and Eve it! Druscilla Grace! One wonders if Silver know's what he is letting himself in for. Although Chase feels fine to date other girls, he seems to have an attachment to Druscilla herself. Anyone that has come close to her, has seen Chase's fists up close. Can everyone remember Chase and Michael Hardt? Regardless of the fact Michael was there before Chase, He
still felt that Dru was his property. However, I wish Silver all the best of luck and to watch his back.

Whilst on the subject of Michael, it has come to my attention that the ex DE has made a firm friendship with Silver's brother Dare. Some have said that they have grown closer since the Masquerade Ball and are forever in each others company. There has been some alarm that the Slytherin may be trying to corrupt the Gryffindor, for not many can forget that fateful Boat Party. Although he has seemed to have left his old ways behind him, there are still some who cannot forgive or forget. He himself
betrayed Dru, the supposed love of his life, in the worst way possible that night. He may have got away with punishment from Hells, but I am sure there are those in the school just itching to
spend some one on one time with him.

We are drawing to an end, however on my return to my office, I had several important Owls awaiting my arrival.
Now, whilst I was away, I had received some about Emilian and Adara, that their relationship is still going strong, despite the capabilities of the man. No longer allowed in the school, Emilian is seen often inside his Jewellery shop. Usually with Adara. However the unlucky couple have come up against another obstacle. Adara's Father. Unbeknownst to many, Herr Snow, a domineering and powerful figure back in Germany arrived in Hogsmede taking over the Quill shop. Upon hearing rumours and speculation that his daughter was dating a Rapist, Herr Snow sent his minions out to do his dirty work. I have plenty of owls informing me how they've been stopped in the street asking for information on Emilian. Apparantly the "assistants" didn't have the grace or expertise that yours truely here had and couldn't find much out.

On my return to Hogwarts, I was shocked to learn that Jewellers had been set alight. Fingers are off course pointed in the direction of Herr Snow. It was said he was with the Headmistress at the time, but he has so many working for him, it wouldn't take much to work out what happened. Nice alibi Herr Snow!

But what concerns us is this. Was Emilian inside? He has not been seen since the accident. Nor has Adara. Rumours are abound that Adara sought Headmistress Hells for help. Has she whisked them away to keep them safe? Has Adara and Emilian eloped? Is Emilian dead? Herr Snow has still been seen around so surely he hasn't got them. He would have whisked Adara away by now. Just be careful everyone. Let's not have any more disappearances.

Before I leave you, I have had an owl sent to me to inform you all of the death of one of the professors.

Julius Saturn, the pedopheliac Professor is dead. May he remain in limbo.

Now don't forget to send me all your juicy gossip for my perusal and investigations.

Chat soon darlings!!!

Gaby x

[Gabrielle Kedavra]

My apologies to all of you waiting for my next article. I had sent it off to the printers but for some reason (I have yet to find out but I believe it was down to a couple of gremlins) it had not printed. Hopefully this article will be. So let's get on with the juicy news!!

Is it a boggart in the closet?

Normally, when you see a closet shaking, you expect to find a boggart in there, ready to jump out and turn into your most horrid fear to scare the life out of you. However, if you should come across a shaking closet in Hogwarts, you won't find a Boggart in there. No my lovelies. Instead you will find Michael Hardt and Dare Blackwood. It was thought that this pair were just close friends, often hanging out together and getting up to mischief, so you can imagine my surprise when someone who wishes to remain unknown sent me this little gem..

You do realise that Michael and Dare are closer then you think!!! For sure, close friends hold hands - when they're GIRLS! Michael and Dare are lovers!!! I've even seen them kissing! They don't care who knows anymore. They sneek off to the room of requirement or down to the forbidden forest. They think no one knows what is going on but we're not silly!! It's a shame. I really fancied Dare. He is HAWT! But he's hotter now that he's batting for the other side!

So there you go. Dare and Michael are now a couple in every sense of the word! Boys, don't be shy! There is nothing wrong with being how you are. Be brave and come out of that closet. We promise we won't scream!

Hogwarts Love Pyramid?

I have come to the conclusion my dears, that Hogwarts doesn't have a love triangle, more of a love pyramid. And who tops that little pyramid? Slytherin Head Boy Chase himself. Whenever I get the juicy little titbits come in, I have to say I am never surprised when I hear that Chase is included in it somewhere. A first-year who wishes to remain anonymous, was hidden behind a case of armour (I presume hiding from the bigger kids) where upon he witnessed an arguement between Chase and Dru. Chase was pleading (yes girls you read that right - PLEADING!) for Dru to return to him, she refused and after snogging in the middle of the corridor a full blown row began with name calling, the lot. According to the witness Chase declared how he had been with no one, Dru told him that she was seeing Silver Blackwood (brother to Dare and probably shocked to find out his girlfriend was kissing Chase behind his back) and things were over between them. Chase called her a few choice names and left.

HOWEVER, after reading that, the next owl I opened was telling me how Chase was now seeing Anna Hennessey - the ex girlfriend of Michael! (See how this pyramid is forming now my lovelies?). All that spiel he gave to Dru was in fact a pile of unicorn dung. According to my sources, they first got together at the masquerade ball and have been trying to meet up in secret ever since. And when he's not seeing Anna, he's having fiery discussions with Lucretia Seyrrou. Apparantly you can feel the sexual tension crackling between their fighting words a mile off.

Is there anyone that Chase hasn't been linked with in anyway? Will Dru keep resisting Chase's charm and will Chase continue with Anna whilst he see's Dru? What about Silver? He is after all the victim of this sordid scandel. What will he do?!

Only time will tell my lovelies and you can guarantee I will be around to tell you all about it!

Before I part, I have been asked to wish Emilian Sota, a safe and prosperous journey. He is going away for "Business" and is likely to not return to Hogsmede for several months. Whilst you are away Emilian, Subscribe to my paper and I promise to keep you updated with the goings on of your beloved Adara. While the cat's away and all that..

That is all for now my adoring fans. Remember, any rumour you hear, any titbits you can gather - Send them my way. Who knows what kettle of fish you may open!!

Gaby x

[Gabrielle Kedavra]

Ring-A-Ding-Dong

The hottest Hogwart's couple of the year, Dare Blackwood and Michael Hardt, have not only moved in together, they've also got engaged! My good sources have indulged that the pair have been spotted wearing rings and that Michael was invited to the Blackwood Residence to meet Dare's father. Let's just hope that his father is a keen reader of my column, otherwise he'll be in for a festive shock I'm sure! The two lovebirds, when they return, will take up abode in the abandoned Pet Shop down Diagon Alley. Michael, now no longer a student at Hogwarts, has opted to take a career in selling creatures. I'm sure his Death Eater past caught up with him somewhat, detering any future employers from taking him on. Which should be a lesson to all you students out there I'm sure. If you're going to be bad - don't get caught!! But of course, I am not condoning the actions of this bright young man. He has indeed learnt his lesson and got himself on the straight and somewhat narrow. Besides, Michael Hardt has filled my pages nicely of his actions, whether they be in front or behind closed doors.. But I digress. Good Luck to the happy couple. although I'm sure it won't be the last we'll hear of those two..


Welcome Home!

Usually we wouldn't welcome home convicted sex offenders, however it is with great delight I announce the return of Emilian Sota. Since his leave of absence, it has come to most of our attention of Adara's visitations. Understandably lonely, the poor girl has sought comfort from those around her. Mostly male companions, but that of course does not mean anything now does it? To be seen hugging attractive ex-boyfriends or becoming close friends with the new Hogwarts Hotty (Yes Arial, we mean you.) does not insinuate any sort of wrong doings. Of course not. I mean, a pretty little thing like Miss Snow with such a warm heart will not betray her beloved, even if he has betrayed her so many times in the past. Yet, you, my darling readers, have told me that Miss Snow is currently residing in Hogwarts, thrown out by Emilian who heard of Adara's canoodling behind his back. Whilst she resides in her school dorm's, Emilian has refused to allow her near his Jewellery shop, furious of her treachery. Has Adara come to her senses and decided that Sota is not the man for her? We can only wait and see. What we do know is that there will be plenty of guys lined up to replace him in her heart.


Lions and Tigers and Pyscho's. Oh My!

Hogwarts is not unknown to Pyschopaths. It has had it's own in the past. The likes of Tom Riddle, Julius Saturn and the Wagner twins, just to name a few, have crossed our paths. However, with the forced closure of 'Magic International for the Downright Crazies' by the Ministry, some of it's delinquents have transfered to our beloved Hogwarts. Already, the school has seen Irukandji Jellyfish, a sociopathic murdering teenager and a paranoid, schizophrenic freak. Why the Headmistress has allowed these dangerous beings into this school, we can only guess. Then again the same woman allowed Saturn to return to the school many a time, even though he was a raging lunatic. Plus I think we all know what happened to Riddle. So what's in store for these deranged pupils? Will there be bloodshed in the corridors? Moronic escapades in the grounds? I received an owl from one amused reader, who pointed out that they were so mad, they even attempted to duel with Michael Hardt. Are they suicidal as well as stir crazy?!. Had they done their homework, they would have known Hardt to be an ex Death Eater whom, had he not redeemed his wicked ways, would have probably crucio'd their butt in an instant. Next time, point them in the direction of Emilian Sota - now there's something I paid to see.

That is all for now, my devoted darlings! Please keep your gossip coming in, especially if it involves our newcomers. We can only wonder at what they'll get up to..
Gaby x

[Dahlia Alexander]

Hello, darlings! If I had known you were slavering for gossip so badly, perhaps I would have done this sooner. Irony of ironies, I've been sitting on a note from our illustrious editor giving me temporary charge over her column for some time now, and lo and behold, I walk into my office to find stacks of owls waiting for me. (What a mess!)

Nothing ill has befallen our dear Gaby (I can hear the groans now). Gaby is on holiday in Antigua or something. Like it really matters. Rabid little beasties that you are, I know what you want; the Gossip. It's truly worth the Capital G.

Twisted Hearts

Let's begin with updates on the gayest little couple at Hogwarts. (Gay meaning happy, you animals!) Dare Blackwood and Michael Hardt are still living together, and still engaged, beating Ryan Magby and Gabby Brocklesomething's record by a year or two. (Honestly, does it matter?) A birdie at the Leaky Cauldron says that their time is nearly up. So I'm told, Dare has turned violently dangerous, drinking addictive potions like pumpkin juice and screaming in corridors! What does Michael think of this, you may ask? Apparently he's taken refuge in his shop! Sources say he keeps the connecting door to their apartment locked at all times. How frightening must Dare's behavior be to warrant such precautions from a former Death Eater? Their relationship has become so twisted now that the only time they're actually seen together is slipping out into Muggle London and the seedy underbelly of alternative-style nightclubs, if you get my drift. Maybe our "happy couple," as Gaby put it, should seek counseling.

Turnabout is Fair Play

Speaking of engagements, have I got one for you! Chase Firebrand, brooding male and erstwhile Hogwarts Hottie, is betrothed. It might as well be an engagement, though. As soon as it's announced (Whoops! Was that me?) we should see a ring on the finger of new-to-the-area Pureblood heiress Carolynn Singh. And here's some more irony for you. While Chase is rumored to have given up girls, save for his fiancée (an older woman, did I say?), Carolynn is living with a man she says is her cousin. Strangely, the Wizarding Genealogy doesn't say a thing about the Singh family being related to the Berwyns.

What's Good for the Goose...

That brings us to the string of broken hearts Chase left behind. What happened to all of them? Sources say that half of them transferred from Hogwarts after their names made the Daily Prophet. I've also been told that Savannah Brooks killed herself over him, though it was more likely that heartless Emilian Sota. Or perhaps it was over Ryan Magby, but let's hope not. He's not that big a deal. Well, at least something interesting would have happened in her life. But I digress. The biggest development in Chase's wake is between Lucretia "Storm" Seyrrou and mousy Annabelle Hennessy. The two jilted lovers met recently, the latter slipping into a closed Three Broomsticks for a tryst. We could have guessed about Lucretia, but Annabelle? Recall; she was also jilted by Michael Hardt, who cheated on her with another boy! Perhaps Annabelle is using him as a model for her mode of revenge. She and Lucretia are still deeply in the closet so don't expect any public declarations, but I suppose they've decided that what's good for the gander is good for the goose!

Boys, Boys, Boys!

Just when we think the excitement has piled up, the Hogwarts Express adds itself to the mix. Not the train, of course, but the massive influx of students it has released into this madhouse! Brothers Zane and Vincent Mezzanotte seem determined to pick up Chase's slack. Then we have another pair of rejects from Magic International who appear to be expecting friends. Didn't those loonies just leave? A lusty French boy, Aimé Célestin, has also been spotted looking down his nose at the girls, who can't seem to get enough of his exotic accent and sharp wit. Then, of course, there are new female students as well, but I'm sure we'll hear about them in future issues, attached to one name or another.

Nice Guys Finish Last

We've all heard it said; nice guys finish last. Silver Blackwood has been single ever since Druscilla Grace cheated on him, so how did he make it into the Daily Prophet now? Simple; not only is he dating again, but it appears to be serious. A pair of fourth years told me the following:

"We had just gotten away from Mrs. Norris the other night when I saw him carrying her through the halls! It was so romantic! She was even wearing his coat!"

Her friend just had to take it from there. "I don't know why they were sneaking into the hospital wing so late, but I imagine it was for something we weren't supposed to see! With the way Hogwarts has been, I'd almost say... birth control!"

Scandalous! Of course, we all knew that Silver was the smarter of the Blackwood boys. Oh, and one last detail: the mysterious swooning lady was none other than Lucretia's cousin, Lafra.

In closing, I'd like to wish Emilian Sota and Adara Snow an eventful holiday to Germany. Adara, darling; if you're not wearing a ring when you get back, just give up like you should have done a year ago.

Don't forget to send your owls to me, readers! I intend to write the gossip column until Gaby gets back. And I might do an interview if you beg, but again, who cares?

Au revior!

Dahlia Alexander

[Dahlia Alexander]

Has it been a month since I last wrote? I'm sure you've all been waiting with bated breath, now that interest in the last column is fading. We can't have that! Lucky for you, Gaby left such a pile of owls, not to mention the new ones I've been receiving, that there's no lack of gratuitous gossip for your greedy little eyes. Let's begin with some simple updates.

Trouble in Paradise?

It seems that Dare Blackwood's violent tendencies were on everyone's lips for all of a week after the last Daily Prophet. Then, lo and behold, almost immediately following that issue, the potion-maddened young man had a change of heart and of attitude. Witnesses say that Dare and his fiancé, ex-Death Eater Michael Hardt, have been spotted acting so sickeningly sweet that all who are unfortunate enough to see them are instantly riddled with cavities. All you ladies who were hoping to snag one of these hunky bi-boys are out of luck again. Or are you?

A 6th year who wishes to remain anonymous overheard one of Dare's final screaming fits whilst hiding in a broom cupboard to escape a group of bored Slytherins. The conversation, for lack of a better word, was allegedly between Dare and a Hufflepuff our source didn't recognize. An excerpt from the argument (as alleged by our source) follows:

"Dare was saying that he didn't have any friends because Michael wouldn't let him. They both said something about a man who was no good, probably Michael because he said the man was dangerous and used an Unforgivable Curse. Then the Hufflepuff said things I've never even heard a Slytherin say! I had to use a full dose of calming potion just to heal the scars from hearing it!"

But that's not all. Our source went on with more information that suggests that, as lovey as those lads appear, Paradise may be an illusion.

"The Hufflepuff said to go... do things with Michael. Like, you know, things, and Dare said he was going to... die a virgin!"

Our source refused to say more, but one must wonder if Dare's potion addiction has caused physical problems as well.

Playing it Straight

I'm sure you all recall Annabelle Hennessy's method of coping with the loss of Chase Firebrand. Conveniently for her, after the last column, Lucretia Seyrrou went into hiding, obviously in an attempt to shield herself from her parents' rage at discovering their daughter is playing for the other team. But what of Anna? you may ask.

Our rebel Ravenclaw has gone a step further than even her latent lover. Perhaps in an attempt to prove that she plays it straight, she has begun seeing a heretofore unknown Hufflepuff by the name of Markise Sterling. The two have been spotted everywhere together, from the Ravenclaw table in the Great Hall to her book store, after hours. They've even been spotted near the lake, a popular spot for courting kids. A 4th year had the following to say:

"They're always down by the lake together. He'll put his head in her lap and she'll run her fingers through his shining blond hair. It would be so romantic if I didn't know about Lucretia! How can Annabelle do that to that boy?!"

Apparently with no conscience. Perhaps Chase Firebrand had more of an effect on her than we thought.

When Hells Freezes Over

My desk has been besieged with owls asking where Headmistress Hells has been. After her official return last spring, she seemed to be everywhere, including, dare I say, the masquerade gardens. So where is she now? Yours truly was unable to find even a trace of her, and one is left to wonder if she's gone mad all over again. As yet, there have been no sightings of her walking around Hogsmede in her dressing gown drunk on firewhiskey, but I'd keep an eye out, if I were you.

The Heartbroken Kid

Ryan Magby has been at Hogwarts long enough to be an institution here. He's had more than his fair share of drama with Gabby Brocklesomething, Savannah Brooks, and Lucretia Seyrrou. He gave no reactions (or so I'm told) to Gabby's transfer to another school, nor to Lucretia's disappearance, but at the news of Savannah's grisly demise, he was seen sobbing on the Quidditch Pitch. Imagine my surprise at that news. Apparently Savannah was right about him still loving her! Isn't my face red?

It seems that everyone has been hiding things these days, but is any of it worth the effort? And aren't there some things that should be kept to yourself? Dare, if you can't perform, you don't need to tell the student body. Michael, if you're going to be that controlling, you may as well get him a leash, it's no wonder he turned to potions. Anna, stop pretending you're an innocent and come out of the closet. In fact, bring Lucretia with you. Ryan... well, it's too late for you, but better luck next time.

Ciao, darlings!

Dahlia Alexander

[Dahlia Alexander]

There's so much to write about this month, darlings! One would think we'd have a slow month now and then, but really, this is Hogwarts School of Courtship and Fornication we're talking about. Speaking of which...

Calling it Quits?

What is Michael Hardt doing in the company of Social Elite and old friend Eros d'Avonderre? We all know the difficulties he's been having with his beau, but so close to their little ceremony, one would think they'd be stuck together like a Blood-Sucking Bugbear on a chicken. (You decide which one's the chicken. My money's on Michael.) The two were last seen going into school counsellor Kane Garrett's office. When will they admit it's over? It appears Michael's already moved on; maybe someone should tell his fiancé.

Adios, Annabelle!

It seems our resident so-shy Ravenclaw has had enough of Hogwarts shenanigans. An anonymous source tells me she's taken her final exams early and gone home for the summer without a by-your-leave! Who is she running from? Ex-sweetheart Michael Hardt? (He sure gets around, doesn't he?) Ex-boytoy Chase Firebrand? Maybe Lucretia Seyrrou and Markise Sterling?

Either way, I would like to extend a heartfelt wish for the best, and that she return to us come autumn. Hogwarts (and coincidentally the Daily Prophet!) will miss you terribly.

Lost and Found!

While we're on students who are not at Hogwarts, a certain Gryffindor has been missing since last week. We at the Daily Prophet care about the students of Hogwarts, so we did a little digging. (To be sure he was all right, of course.) Logan Callahan, whose natural habitat seems to be a cloud of cigarette smoke outside the castle walls, has been admitted to St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries. An anonymous 7th-year who was visiting a relative with a nasty flobberworm bite said the following:

"The nurses were rushing about when I got there. I wasn't sure but it sounded like he was having seizures! His brother was swearing at the poor reception nurse, and I swear, the blonde waiting outside the room looked familiar."

Who is this blonde? And more importantly, what's wrong with Logan? Should he even be at Hogwarts with problems like that? Hopefully Hells will return shortly and sort him out.

Randy Ryan.

It seems Hufflepuff Heartthrob Ryan Magby may have been faking his tears. But why? you may ask. Perhaps because so many girls fall for the sensitive guy routine. Just ask his latest conquest, new student Marguerite de León. He's bad news, Marguerite! (For more about Ryan, keep an eye on the Daily Prophet. An interview may be coming soon!)

Sota Surprise!

Speaking of bad news, we have Emilian Sota. The philanderer, rapist, and uber-creep who was actually expelled from Hogwarts. And his new fiancée, Ravenclaw prefect and Head Girl Adara Snow. I think I speak for us all when I ask, How on earth did that happen? How did he get her in the first place, and how did she get a ring out of him? According to sources, the heartless rogue dropped to one knee in the middle of a German ball! Does this mean he's changed? Not likely, but if Adara must learn the hard way, who am I to criticize her education? Either way, welcome back to both of them. The Daily Prophet has missed you.

That's all for this issue, darlings, but dry your tears, I'll be back with more gossip soon enough!

Until then,

Dahlia Alexander

[Dahlia Alexander]

Did you think you wouldn't get your gossip this month, darlings? I couldn't possibly deny you the pleasure, but there were whispers that a great deal was about to happen and an extra week is far better than an extra month, isn't it?

So much has happened since our last article, and I'm sure you're near-rabid to read it. I'll cut to the point, then.

Attached at the Hand?

It seems every month there's something new to report on the ups and downs of Michael Hardt and Dare Blackwood. First their secret trysts in the Forbidden Forest and the Room of Requirement, and almost immediately after cohabitation and engagement! Now as the two speed toward the final stretch to their Civil Partnership Ceremony, it seems all is well again. Anonymous sources have walked by the Pet Shop to find the two attached at the mouth hand. We'll see how long that lasts, won't we?

New Students?

Hogwarts has seen an influx lately of new students who seem to walk by the school on their way elsewhere, but this week alone, four have enrolled, three of which are female. Considering the sheer number of males walking around, I don't think I need to wish any of them luck, though allegedly one of these girls has alternate preferences, shall we say? I'm sure she'll fit right in with the boys. We've also seen the return of Jewels Tyler, who left us at the New Year. For the second time. She's not the only student transferring from Magic International for the Downright Crazies, as our Illustrious Editor dubbed it. There's also a transfer rumoured to be a boy, though sources can't tell which it is. One of them finagled an invitation to the upcoming Ceremony on her first day. I'd watch out for her, considering how secretive we know Michael and Dare to be. How did she manage it?

Chasing Chase

Big Man on Campus Chase Firebrand has seen more than his share of space in the Daily Prophet. Some time ago, it was a list of girls determined to find their names in on his coattails, and now a male student picking a fight with our Head Boy to prove his masculinity. Sources say it didn't work. In addition to docking points from his own House, Chase managed to scare the boy off to keep his place as King of the Hill. When will students learn?

Werewolf Woes

A dead werewolf was found in the Forbidden Forest just after our last issue, missing a fang. Magical Creatures activists are in an uproar over the grisly discovery, and a mad search was undertaken for the werewolf's identity. Luckily, it wasn't a student, but I'm sure that gives no comfort to the werewolf, whose name is not available to the press. I'd send out a warning to known werewolf Riley McManus, but no one's seen her since the week she arrived. Coincidence? Not likely at Hogwarts.

That's all for now, dear readers, though it should be more than enough to soothe the gossip-loving beasts that wait so eagerly for more. Look for a special edition coming up in early July, where we'll cover the Non-Wedding of the Century, as it's being called.

Until then,

Dahlia Alexander

[Dahlia Alexander]

My dearest readers, I’ve received countless complaints about the lack of gossip during the past month, which has been terribly busy on my part. You’re apparently rabid for whatever morsels I might set out for you, but are far too busy begging to pull your own weight. How am I to provide you with the same high quality of news in a timely fashion when not a single soul has sent tips in? You must realize that it takes quite a bit of time to gather information from Hogwarts, Hogsmeade, and Diagon Alley when one works alone, as every time a story is near completion, it has become obsolete and one must begin again.

But of course, I’m sure you’re all far too busy attending class to owl me a tip. And so, little though you may deserve it, here is your gossip.

Fanning the Flames

Dare and Michael simply cannot stop giving fuel to the Daily Prophet and yours truly, can they? Apparently not, as their non-wedding was definitely no secret. And open to the public, though few guests actually showed up. Of course, it wasn’t even a pretense of a wedding. The ceremony was as cold and distant as a business deal, and the reception was more supper than after party. Or so I hear. The reception was closed up tighter than a Malfoy's wallet in Muggle London.

The highlights of the entire event were attempted interruptions by various groups of students, and a raucous argument in the corridors between a guest and one of the grooms. Let us say simply that champagne and ex-lovers don’t mix; male ex-lovers included. Unfortunately, yours truly was unable to identify this young man, and so I leave you all to speculate.

You may also speculate on where Messrs Blackwood-Hardt disappeared to after this failure of a reception. Rumour has it that they disappeared into the Muggle world, a fact which must please Michael’s Pureblood mother to no end.

Missing? Hardly.

Speaking of ends, I would propose a goodbye for one Lucretia “Storm” Seyrrou, but she has already gone. For good, in every sense of the word. Certainly her ex-lovers won’t miss her, as they’re engaged now (to women, I feel it must be said). Her so-called friends have also likely moved on by now. Considering she missed their non-wedding. Somehow, she finagled (look the word up, kids) an invitation and a part in the non-wedding party. Then didn’t show, or send so much as an owl. Much like you readers, I might say. Have all the owls died? Perhaps an exposé on that next issue. But I digress. Au revior, Miss Seyrrou. You’ve certainly burned your bridges.

Mating Season

The new term has begun, and with students flooding the school, everybody seems to be pairing up, or trying to. Some, of course, are better at this than others, which brings me to Chase Firebrand. This rogue has been on everyone’s tongues since his arrival at Hogwarts (sometimes literally, I daresay). There was a round of full-fledged shock at his engagement to one Carolynn Singh, The two are a nauseatingly perfect couple, devoted and besotted, but what of Carolynn’s former flame? She’s living alone now, likely at Chase’s behest, all things considered, so things have smoothed over in that realm, but there have been whispers that Chase has a bit on the side of his own. They’ve been heard murmuring in corridors and seen slipping into the Room of Requirement for hours on end. Would you care to guess who this mystery girl is? I’ll give you a clue. Lucretia is gone and Annabelle has moved on. Care for a drink and a dance, anyone?

On to Annabelle, then. After tossing aside Dru’s leftovers again, she’s finally moved on to another of the girl’s ex-boyfriends. That makes three, if you’re counting. One might wonder if she makes a mission of scavenging boyfriends, or if it’s simply a coincidence (three times). Of course, if one takes into account that her most recent conquest is (follow along here, darlings) the only brother of the boy her ex-boyfriend cheated on her with, one might wonder if there’s an added element of revenge to her choice. Of course (and this is where I remind you about the owls again), Anna has likely discarded Silver by now and moved on. Again. Well, we do know that her former conquest (her spring fling) has returned, so maybe she’ll work on destroying him again. Poor boy.

Of course, that isn’t the end of it. Students have been spotted in scandalous positions in the green house (you know who you are, Mr. Holt and Miss Krysten), swooning over one another in class (Mr. Glasgow, Miss Drake is terribly out of your league) and, or so we hear, getting close in the dorms. I’ll let you figure that one out yourselves. Whatever the reason for all this, it’s good gossip.

Hot for Teacher

Hogwarts has seen an influx of new professors this term, definitely a good thing considering the poor academics in the 2008-2009 school year. I couldn’t possibly give you all their stories, but I’m sure you won’t mind just one dirty little secret apiece.

Let us begin with Astronomy and Muggle Studies. Both Professor Watts and Sanders transferred from (I’m quoting Gaby here) Magic International for the Downright Crazies, which has allegedly closed its doors again. Well, until October, when they’ll miraculously disappear, unless we can tie them down. If you like your teachers, start stocking up on unbreakable ropes now. The new Charms Professor might as well be a student for how young he is, a darling little blue-eyed boy just legal enough to count. Welcome to Hogwarts, Rowan. Then we have Professor Merrick Cynster, who doesn’t go by the name Professor Sin, though yours truly has heard it whispered in the hallway. He certainly looks devious, and the Headmistress hired him for defense? We have a new Herbology professor as well, though he has yet to show his face on campus. We’re beginning to wonder if he’s read the Prophet and chickened out. Then we have one Eros d’Avonderre, who looks as though he belongs in a parlour somewhere rather than a classroom. Of course, he’s easy enough on the eyes to make even history bearable. A married couple has moved to Hogwarts as well, Professors laSalle. It’s a shame there’s a Mrs., really. The Mr. is impressively tall, intelligent, and an Auror, though he’s not the only one to boast that position, is he, Professor Sin? Last, but certainly not least is brooding Professor Lynch, Hogwarts’ new flying teacher and Quidditch Coach. His brooding masculinity speaks for itself.

Have I forgotten anyone? Ah, yes, our new nurse, who is temporarily doubling as Potions professor. Professor Medina is one of many Pureblood rebels at Hogwarts, come to prove to daddy that she can do whatever she wishes. Of course, she may wish to show more discretion in the future than she has shown recently, as guests both uninvited and banned were seen sneaking into her quarters late at night for a party. And how would I know such a thing? I heard it after the fact, of course.

If one were bored enough to count, that puts the ladies at quite an advantage with so many more available men.

So, my rabid readers, there you have the gossip you’ve been missing out on. If there’s someone you want to hear about, send me an owl.

Until next time,

Dahlia Alexander

[Dahlia Alexander]

I'm not going to ask if you've missed me, darlings, because I already know the answer. Who else is going to give you the gossip you've been deprived of for months now? C'est moi, kids! And before you ask, there's been plenty of gossip to go around, I just haven't cared to pass it on. When everyone knows everyone else, it's not like I'll be telling you anything new.

Right. If you believe that, just close this column and walk away because Yours Truly has been as busy as a Bundimun. The only question now is where to begin?

Closets are for Clothes!

If sporting a Dark Mark was all the rage a few years ago, the current fashion seems to be coming out. Anyone who hasn't been living in a cave knows about Dare and Michael Blackwood-Hardt, who took their outing as an excuse to thumb their noses at anything that held still long enough. Then there was Annabelle Hennessy who, after being dropped by Head Boy Chase-the-girls Firebrand, turned to another of his ex-flames, Lucretia Seyrrou, for comfort. Neither has been seen around since then, so one can only imagine that they flew off to make their love nest elsewhere.

Before she left, Anna tried to cover her questionable behavior by using a certain Hufflepuff as a cover-up. Or did she? It seems the cover-up was mutual, as Markise Sterling is currently residing with his lover, a Gryffindor with a permanent record in the Auror Department. Emilian Sota? That's laughable, dear readers. The infamous Emilian has shown his true colors at last and come out as a doting fiancé, if you'll recall. Mild-mannered Markise has gone from blond mouse to lavender-haired lovely with tattooed bad-boy Ariel, yes, Ariel Logan Callahan. And following in their footsteps is yet another Gryffindor by the name of Jory Addison who advertises his Pride with every step out of the boys' dorm. You'll know him by the rainbows and the nervous look on his face. Jory, love, don't waste your energy waiting for a hex. With Gryffindor's current tally, there are likely several more still hiding on the closet floor with their fashionable shoes.

On with the Show!

While we're on gay patrol, we simply must catch up with 2009's couple of the year. Dare's potion problems are, to all appearances, still ongoing. Sources say that he was absent from classes for some months, and has returned skinnier than ever. Did he jump back on the vice broom when he found out about his new sister-in-law, perhaps? No need to read it again, darlings, I'll repeat it in simpler terms. Michael Blackwood-Hardt has a sister, a darling redhead born some suspicious nine months after his father's alleged heart-attack. If you catch him praying, it's likely because he didn't lose his place as heir on a brother.

Lifetime Achievement Award.

Chase Firebrand deserves special mention, as well. We at the Daily Prophet salute your commitment to providing the masses with unparalleled levels of drama. From a certain well-publicized duel to your year-old engagement, you have been a delight to write about. In fact, let us continue the tradition, shall we?

Guess who's been seen flitting in and out of the Room of Requirement with a certain bookish barkeeper? That's right; Chase. Miss Singh, you might want to question how close your fiancé keeps his exes. There's a fine line between talking in the corridors and hours-long trysts.

Love Pyramids Abound!

Goodness, the love triangles never end! For once, there's one that Chase isn't involved in, though we could easily trace it back to him, I'm sure. Silver Blackwood, Dare's rarely-seen brother, has been spotted liplocked with one Willow Wenlock, a silver-haired beauty most often buried behind a mountain of books. Silver has also been seen with Celyn Corvus, though Celyn has moved on since Silver and Willow became an item. Celyn seems to have set her sights on the volatile Trent Frey, who was recently talked out of a one-way jump off the Astronomy Tower. Do you think that's such a good idea, Celyn? Especially since Trent has been seen more often with Gryffindor Quinn Ashwinder? I won't waste my breath giving advice here. Watching the chaos is far better entertainment.

Late Introductions.

Trent smokes like a chimney, Celyn draws lurid smut. On to the twins. Xander and Xavier Youngblood are quickly climbing the ranks of annoying Slytherins. Cornering girls in corridors, trying to pull anyone who's unfortunate enough to cross them; if they weren't so attractive, I wouldn't bother mentioning them. An anonymous source mentioned a blue sword, but this has yet to be seen. Still, it makes one think of the physical disappointment they must feel at the end of every encounter thus far.

Zombie Apocalypse!

Not really, but someone is back from the dead, in a manner of speaking. Vannah Brooks, reported dead a year or so ago, has miraculously reappeared! Ryan Magby, having long forgotten his ex-fiancée, as well as the girls he was fooling around with before winter break, fell bawling at her feet during a touching reunion. You love her, we get the picture. Why don't you dust off Gabby's ring and give it another try?

Now, don't you all feel better?

Your Gossip Goddess,

Dahlia Alexander

[Dahlia Alexander]

My darlings, Hogwarts hasn't seen this much action since Dru let Chase Firebrand go (though sources say they're a hot item again behind his betrothed's back). There was that drama with the Blackwood-Hardts, but they are so yesterday's news. Want something different for a change? Then read on.

What's a Vampire's Favorite Drink?

After a long hiatus where it seemed London was the only place to go for after-school activities, Hogsmeade's own Bloody Mary nightclub has finally pulled its head out of the sand. Students are responding, and quickly. Of course, owner Druscilla Grace has pulled out all the stops. Theme Nights, of all things, promise an interesting twist. Ladies' night will ensure plenty of feminine company on Wednesdays. Keep that in mind, boys, unless Friday nights are more your style.

The 16-and-over Lounge is open again, too. Most of you readers won't recall the incident with the alcohol and stripper poles that originally closed the place, but all that is long gone now. What a shame. Is such an exclusive little room worth getting into if you're the first in? We'll see, won't we?

Slytherin Scandals

A tip from a 5th year who wishes to remain anonymous has brought a potential love triangle to light. Verity Bromley, a saucy 7th year, has been hot and heavy all over Hogwarts and neighboring Hogsmeade with Slytherin housemate James Grey. But does Jamie know she's been moonlighting with one Leo Ignatius? The two most recently had a cozy little date in Diagon Alley. It involved a sickening amount of blushing and plenty of meaningful looks. As for the rest, well, Verity doesn't seem to kiss and tell.

Newsances

New students are everywhere, and they seem to think they own the school. A flamboyant Hufflepuff by the aqueous name of Ocean caused a riot in the Great Hall, beginning with a Wizards' Wireless. He roused the students into dancing on the tables in full view of those smart enough not to participate, not to mention the faculty. He earned himself two weeks of detention for the trouble.

There has also been a dramatic rise in the number of Slytherins, harkening back to several of the school's most active periods. Mostly girls, as usual, a boy who's already engaged, and one who appears to prefer skulking in the shadows to actually doing anything. None interesting enough to mention by name, for certain.

That's What Empty Classrooms are For

Two unknown boys were seen kissing in a corridor off the Great Hall, then fighting. If you can call the one-sided beating a fight. Sources say the two had an intimate moment against the wall, if you catch my drift, and as fast as it began it was over and one of the boys was knocked to the floor. To that boy I say, be careful who you kiss. To the other, everyone loves a bad boy, isn't that right?

This is all you get for now, readers. If I missed something, drop me an owl.

Hasta luego,

Dahlia Alexander

[Dahlia Alexander]

This special issue deals with a very special topic. Babies?! Read on, gossipmongers! All will be explained!

Babies, Babies, Everywhere!

Rumours abound of students procreating! Isn't Hogwarts mad enough without adding squalling children to the mix? Apparently not, as yours truly has heard rumour upon rumour of pregnancies among the student population.

"I heard that Ivy Somers was kicked out of Hogwarts for being pregnant," one scandalized sixth-year said. "I saw her once carrying her books in front of her stomach!"

Her friend interrupted, "There was a pregnant Slytherin, but it wasn't Ivy!"

There are also rumours of a former Slytherin facing parenthood! Perhaps the House should initiate a health education program! Not that an increase in the number of future Slytherins is a problem, but imagine the noise in the dormitories!

Baby Talk

Just when the Blackwood-Hardts thought we'd forgotten them, they've been caught in yet another compromising position. But this one's over-the-top even for them. Ex-Death Eater Michael was recently overheard in the Over-16 Area of the Bloody Mary... trying to talk Dare into parenthood! An anonymous source had this to say:

"When they came in the back I was minding my own business and they were all over each other! I couldn't help looking, they're both gorgeous, but when they finally stopped making out, Michael said he wanted a baby! Dare just wanted to keep kissing, but he said okay!"

Are Dare and Michael going to be parents? Perhaps the more pressing question is how are they going to be parents? Professors laSalle are said to be expecting an addition to the litter they already have; maybe they'll be willing to trade for something from the pet shop windows.

Rock-a-ByeBye Baby!

A pair of students were overheard discussing news so juicy you'll want a napkin as you read! Our own Vannah Brooks is a mother! Not only that, but the father of her child is a former resident of Hogwarts School of Courtship and Fornication. Who, you ask? It's not Emilian, despite their confirmed coerced copulation some two or so years ago, and it's not her on-again off-again lover Ryan Magby either, but a professor!

Some time before his hiring, a Pureblood bastard by the name of Adrian Mackenzie knocked Vannah up, giving her a beautiful baby boy. Then taking it back. The baby hasn't seen his mother since, but is being held captive by the Mackenzie family, who are collectively too stupid to realize the kind of mess they're getting into taking a Brooks into their fold.

Vannah darling, you're not ready to be a mother and Hogwarts doesn't have family housing. Call in the aurors anyway. That baby is yours.

Remember, readers; I work on tips. Send your gossip to me via owl if you want to see it in print!

Your Gossip-Gold Digger,

Dahlia Alexander