It's All Coming Back To Me Now (Ryan/Open)

[Savannah Brooks]

Vannah took a deep breath before pushing the doors open to the Entrance Hall. A familiar smell enveloped her as she stepped inside. She had been too long since she had been in Hogwarts and she actually missed it. She stepped towards the grand staircase, but instead of going immediately to the Common Room, she set her bags down and took it all in.

She hadn't received any letters from anyone at Hogwarts while she was away. Or rather, they had been sent to her but she refused to look at them. The Entrance Hall was pretty quiet. She must've arrived just after a class change.

Footsteps approached her and she turned her head to see who it was. The familiarity of the face hit her. Her heart stopped for a moment as she remembered that she was the one who left with no warning. As the footsteps got closer, the word floated out of her nothing more than a breath. "Ryan?" She called, barely able to speak.

[Ryan Magby]

Ryan heard his name called and immediately knew the source. He saw her and stopped in his tracks and dropped the book that he was carrying. He had gone over a year believing she was dead. How could he let all the rumors get to him. He was hit instantly with a mix of emotions, from sadness, to relief, to anger. "Vannah." he said softly as he stood there frozen looking at her. "I thought you were dead....".

[Savannah Brooks]

Dead? Her jaw dropped. If she knew that he thought she had died she would have contacted him sooner. Would she have actually contacted him? The nagging voice in the back of her head was telling her no. She closed her mouth and pressed her lips into a thin line.

Wasn't that what she had wanted? To disappear and be forgotten? If that was what she had wanted, then why did she come back? She was still trying to figure that one out.

Vannah longed for him to take her into his arms and hold her. She felt he anger in his voice and she winced. When she spoke, her voice quivered. It was barely above a whisper,"I had no idea." It was all she could manage.

[Ryan Magby]

Ryan looked at her and sighed as a tear ran down his face. He finally was able to get the power in his legs and he walked to Vannah and hugged her tightly. Despite all of the feelings he might have because of her disappearing, his love for her would always be the strongest feeling.

[Savannah Brooks]

Shock swept over Vannah. She stood there frozen for a moment. Wasn’t he mad at all? She wasn’t ready for this talk, but she was pretty sure it was going to come whether she was ready or not. She was confused at best, but she welcomed his embrace. She slipped her arms around his waist. Her head barely reached the height of his shoulders as she rested it on her chest. Had he grown since the last time they were together?

Her heart raced. She hadn’t realized how much she missed being at Hogwarts, missed him, before now. She glanced up and noticed the track of a tear on his face. “I didn’t mean to leave you.” Vannah told him, but as soon as it came out she knew it had been a lie. Hadn’t she though? Isn’t that exactly the reason she left when she knew nobody would be around to witness it? Goodbyes were never easy, so she had just avoided them altogether.

[Ryan Magby]

After a while Ryan broke the hug and looked at her as he wiped his eyes "So why did you leave me then? I looked for you for two weeks, and then I start to hear rumors that you ran away, and then rumors that you killed yourself! What the hell was going on?" he finished as some of his anger came out at then end.

[Savannah Brooks]

Vannah stepped away. Her face immediately turned scarlet, of course there were questions. She had expected it, but it still felt like she had been hit by a train. She had played this scenario plenty of times in her head. She had it all worked out, what she was going to say, how she was going to say it, it was all worked out…only, not really.

She had one idea that she could just avoid any contact with any other human being at Hogwarts. That way she avoiding questioning glances, troubling questions, and the whispered passed between the other students in the hallways. Only the problem with avoiding every other creature at the school was that it was impossible, first of all, and that it defeated the purpose of even coming back to Hogwarts. She had spent enough time alone already.

She then scratched that idea from her mind completely. She could avoid questions for as long as possible. She could change the topic in conversation; after all she had gotten pretty good at changing the subject. She could stay silent, or walk away, after all no one could force her to say anything. She didn’t mind the rumors people came up with. Some of them were actually amusing. She did, however, mind how it affected her reputation to a certain extent. After all, if she didn’t just come out and tell it how it is as soon as possible, it was only delaying the inevitable.

Her next idea was to just tell the truth. Come out and say it. It seemed like the logical option, but she was afraid of the truth. The rumors that might fly around about her would be worse than ever, worse than what had already gone around. At least everyone thought she was dead. She couldn’t deny that she had considered forcing death upon herself. In fact, for a while she was certain that it would come to suicide.

Vannah took a deep breath in, Here I go..she thought to herself. “I just needed to get away for a bit. I needed to work some…things out.” She swallowed. “It was not your fault.” The lips tripped off her tongue. Was it? She needed to get away, but did something drive her away?

[Ryan Magby]

Ryan looked at her "What things? What things were so big that you couldn't even tell me that you were going somewhere!?! That you would rather let me sit here and worry about you for over a year! Please help me understand" he cried out as tears started streaming down his face again.

[Savannah Brooks]

Vannah crossed her arms over her chest as though it would shield her from the words he practically spat at her. She lowered her head, reminding herself that she deserved it. She was ashamed and now considered that maybe she should have left him a note, anything, to explain why she had to leave. The thing is, she didn't fully understand it herself at the time.

"I never planned on coming back." She said softly. "I didn't want you to have to see me again. Especially not like this." As far as apologies go, hers was pathetic. It was true, she had never intended on returning to Hogwarts. She had never intended on facing these unanswered questions. She had never intended for anyone to remember her after a full year. Vannah look down at her hand. It was resting on her stomach over a familiar scar. One that she had traced over and over again.

Her eyes shot back to meet his. She immediately noticed the tears rolling down his face. Oh god no, please. She knew if he started crying, she would be able to hold herself together any longer. She had to think numb. If she could only make herself feel that numb feeling that used to come so naturally to her, then maybe she could keep the tears from coming.

[Ryan Magby]

Ryan cried harder "Then why not tell me that! No note, nothing. I have spent the last 10 months thinking the love of my life was dead!"

[Savannah Brooks]

Vannah narrowed her eyes. Her old self would have shook him. Made him realize that the reason she left was because she was hurting too. She would never have stood there and let him sob over her. The old her would never have let anyone talk to her like that. Then again, the old Vannah would have never let emotions get in the way to begin with. Where was that girl now?

Anger surged through her suddenly. Couldn't he realize that she left for reasons bigger than him? Yes, she had loved him, but did she still? She found comfort in him when she first saw him again, but was she able to still feel the same way about him as she once did? She was nearly speechless, but without warning she blurted out in an icy tone, "As I recall, love, you were nearly married off to another girl not too long before I left." Apparently, the old Vannah wasn't too far away. Even as she said it, though, it didn't sound right. It was out of place, it didn't belong here. It was so long ago, she shouldn't be upset about it anymore. She wasn't upset about it anymore. She was being attacked and she needed a way out.

[Ryan Magby]

Ryan looked at her "It was a cover. A way away from the pain that I had when you just left me to dry the first time." he said as he stopped crying. He had no more tears left to shed.

[Savannah Brooks]

...when you just left me to dry the first time. That struck a nerve. First, Vannah was nearly blinded with anger. How dare he blame her for that? She pursed her lips. He cheated on her not only with one of her dearest friends, but a second time with an annoying git. The second time he went as far as become engaged to the pathetic mess of a girl! And that's exactly what she was, a mere child. She gave him a second chance...more than once. She was only letting him free. Just when she had thought she needed him, he came back. No! She couldn't do this. She couldn't blame him for anything. After all, they were discussing her leave of absence.

Finally, Vannah sighed. She was tired of fighting, of being alone, of being sad. She needed to leave. Get out of the spot she was standing, and if at all possible, out of her own skin. She used to have fun, so where did this mess come from? She knew exactly where it came from. It started in this very same hall, in fact. She winced at the painful memory.

"You're right." She said lifting her head and staring right through him. Anything in the past, was in the past. She had admitted defeat. So much for the old Vannah.

[Ryan Magby]

Ryan sighed and looked at her "So, do you still love me, or should I just walk away now and not look back? Because at this point I can't just be friends with you. I just don't think I could do it knowing I couldn't be with you."

[Savannah Brooks]

Vannah closed her eyes. He was giving her an ultimatum. Again. She had been at Hogwarts for a little more than an hour and already she was thrown into the tangled mess of things. Love, was she even capable of such a thing anymore?

Her eyes flew open and she stepped towards him. Her lips twitched upward into a grin. She took a few more steps towards him until her body was pressed against his. She inched her mouth closer to his, feeling the warmth from his breath, until there was barely any space between them. Her lips parted, and at first her kiss was hard, forceful. She pushed into him even more, deepening the kiss. Abruptly, she pulled away and whispered into his ear, "Don't bother." Before turning on her heel, grabbing her bags and beginning down the corridor. She couldn't help but smirk as she started to walk away. She'd only wished she could see his puzzled expression on his face. Somewhere along the way, she must have lost the ability to love. As usual, she was the one who got to walk away.