|
|
Post by Markise Sterling on May 15, 2009 14:50:53 GMT -5
"Because I don't want to regret leaving," Markise said. Even his voice shook now. He started shrinking things and tucking them away in no particular order at all. It would be hell to reorganize it all, but he wanted out. Out before Ariel could get to him again. He didn't want to stay and care again, didn't want to leave himself open to that. He couldn't survive it again.
|
|
|
|
Post by Ariel Logan Callahan on May 15, 2009 14:55:34 GMT -5
"You're probably going to regret it anyway," Ariel pointed out, though he had no concrete proof for his thought. "I just...even if you are leaving, I don't want to spend the rest of my life thinking I didn't try hard enough to make it better." And he knew he would, if he knew that Markise was leaving because of him then...he would feel guilty about it, especially if he heard that Markise was in bad shape.
|
|
|
|
Post by Markise Sterling on May 15, 2009 15:02:52 GMT -5
A choked sob escaped Markise's lips, and he stopped to wipe at his eyes again. "I told you not to say things like that!" He sniffled, trying to keep packing, though it was hard to see through the sudden blur of tears. "You haven't tried at all!" Except that first time, when Ariel had said he'd give a real relationship a chance. And then he'd... done things Markise wouldn't forgive him for.
|
|
|
|
Post by Ariel Logan Callahan on May 15, 2009 15:05:33 GMT -5
"I messed up, I know!" Ariel said, "I know I messed up even before we went to the club! I said things, I did things, and I know that!" Of course, when he had said them he had had no idea they would end in Markise crying and running down the hall away from him. But that had happened too many times. "What else can I say other than I'm sorry?"
|
|
|
|
Post by Markise Sterling on May 15, 2009 15:11:49 GMT -5
Markise shook his head again, almost violently now. "Nothing," he said softly. He took a shaky breath, then raised his voice a bit, trying to sound strong when he felt anything but. "There's nothing you can say," he declared. "Words are bullsh~, they aren't worth the breath it takes to say them." Especially when Ariel said them. He refused to believe any of it, no matter how much his heart wanted him to.
|
|
|
|
Post by Ariel Logan Callahan on May 15, 2009 15:18:40 GMT -5
"Then what can I do?" Ariel asked, feeling almost as though he were pleading. What he had said back in the club that last time hadn't even come out right! He had just wanted Markise to stop worrying about him and it had ruined the fragile peace they had had for the week leading up to it. Nothing he did turned out right.
|
|
|
|
Post by Markise Sterling on May 15, 2009 15:25:26 GMT -5
Markise was shaking his head again, but he had to stop packing. He started fumbling for a handkerchief, unable to speak just yet. "What do you want from me?" he demanded, the words soft, but just as pleading as Ariel's. "I won't be your f~buddy, you won't accept my friendship, what else is there?" They'd tried friends, friends with benefits, boyfriends, even working together! Even being apart hadn't worked for a while, at least not for Markise, but eventually it had worked, and he'd almost moved on. He'd almost moved on so many times.
|
|
|
|
Post by Ariel Logan Callahan on May 15, 2009 15:29:00 GMT -5
"I don't know!" Ariel said, frustration pulling him to sit up. He propped his elbows on his knees and ran his hands roughly through his hair. "All I know is that when I'm with you, and we're not fighting, I'm the closest to being happy I've ever been in my life! And I screwed it up for you and I can't stand to have the one person I've cared about hate me!" He clenched his jaw and ignored any pain, though that was definitely helped along by the small dose of pain potion the Healer had given him.
|
|
|
|
Post by Markise Sterling on May 15, 2009 15:34:54 GMT -5
"Stop it!" Markise cried. "I can't hear this, I don't want to hear this! I don't make you happy, and you don't make me happy. You don't care about me, you care about you!" He couldn't believe it. He was only just clinging to sanity as it was. Ariel was just doing what he always did, waiting until Markise had walked away, then proving to himself that Markise wasn't over him yet. It probably gave him a thrill to know how badly he could f~ up and still have Markise crying over him.
|
|
|
|
Post by Ariel Logan Callahan on May 15, 2009 15:42:29 GMT -5
Ariel could have growled in frustration, but he kept himself under control at least that much. Still, his voice sounded desperate when he spoke again. "Don't lie to yourself! I care about you! You know that! And we did make each other happy, when I wasn't messing things up. And yeah, I did that a lot, but how much of it do you think was intentional?"
|
|
|
|
Post by Markise Sterling on May 15, 2009 15:51:13 GMT -5
"You're such a bastard!" Markise cried, though the words were all but unintelligible. He wouldn't let himself think of any of the times they'd been happy, not Ariel's birthday, not the day he'd given Ariel that coat. He wouldn't let himself think that Ariel cared, even if he'd been a complete pain in the ass sometimes trying to protect him. He wouldn't let himself think about that night they'd spent together, or how right it had felt, or how amazing he'd felt the next morning. He wouldn't! He buried his face in his handkerchief and tried hard to breathe.
|
|
|
|
Post by Ariel Logan Callahan on May 15, 2009 15:57:44 GMT -5
"Tell me something I don't know!" Ariel shot back, his head snapping up so he could look at Markise. He was even to the point where he felt a very unfamiliar burn at the bridge of his nose, but he refused to acknowledge anything. And if he had, he would have played it off to pain, or to cravings, or to any number of things other than Markise.
|
|
|
|
Post by Markise Sterling on May 15, 2009 16:08:11 GMT -5
Tell me something I don't know! Markise turned back toward Ariel, damp handkerchief in hand. "I could have loved you, did you know that?!" he countered. "If you'd just f~ing stuck around long enough! I tried to get over you with two different guys and I thought about you when I was with them." Not every time, not the whole time, but he couldn't stop himself from holding Mano or Larten, or even Robbie, up to Ariel. "Every time I think I'm over you, every time the dreams stop and I can think about you without hurting, you do this. I can't take the back-and-forth anymore! I've been thisclose to either leaving or killing myself for months! Did you know that?"
|
|
|
|
Post by Ariel Logan Callahan on May 15, 2009 16:15:32 GMT -5
"Like I don't think about you constantly, Markise?" Ariel said right back to him. "Like you're not in my dreams? I can't even get you out of my head when I'm high!" And he had tried. He had tried nearly everything trying to just forget about everything and feel good. But still none of it felt as good as those few times he and Markise had been happy together.
|
|
|
|
Post by Markise Sterling on May 15, 2009 16:26:26 GMT -5
Markise's lips parted in shock, and for some long moments, he only stood there, dizzy. When I'm high... Markise's head shook again, and his breathing began to quicken. "You... you f~ing moron!" he spat. "Why... you know what? I don't want to know. I don't want to know and I don't want to hear it. If you f~ing cared about me you would have done something! And you... you whored yourself and you're f~ing doing drugs! I'm not saving you! I couldn't before and I don't want to now! You wouldn't even f~ing go to the hospital!" He threw his hands up, then turned, stuffing the shrunken box in his pocket. Everything else could stay. He had to get out of here. He wasn't even sure he'd make it down the stairs without tripping, he was so dizzy.
|
|
