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Post by Ariel Logan Callahan on Mar 29, 2009 13:22:18 GMT -5
At least that's one thing I did right... "You're welcome," Ariel answered, just as quietly. Had Markise had to use it yet? He didn't know, but he didn't ask. He closed his eyes and rested his head to where his nose was buried in Markise's hair, to where he could breathe him in. I really do care. So many things he could say, that needed said, both about his feelings and the things that had happened over the past months, and he couldn't bring himself to voice any of them out of fear that Markise would just leave.
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Post by Markise Sterling on Mar 29, 2009 13:55:48 GMT -5
Markise didn't say anything to that. He couldn't say anything, really, and he didn't want to. It hurt so much lying like this together with all the history and all the unspoken, but it felt so good, too. He felt so unbelievably close to Ariel right now, felt so many of the things he'd wanted so desperately for so long now.
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Post by Ariel Logan Callahan on Mar 29, 2009 14:12:11 GMT -5
Ariel almost wished Markise would push him to talk, even if he was afraid to. At least then he would have someone in Markise just like Markise had someone in him. But Markise didn't agree with anything he did, the very thought of it, Ariel had seen, was enough to make him be overcome with disgust. I'm just making money.
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Post by Markise Sterling on Mar 29, 2009 14:50:04 GMT -5
Ariel was quiet for so long that Markise found himself beginning to drift away out of exhaustion. He fought against it. He didn't want to leave this and wake up to find it wasn't real, or that something had changed. He made his mind work, made himself go over the day and how exactly he'd gotten here, trying to prove to himself that he hadn't dreamed it all up. He went over all the things he'd told Ariel and realized how very little Ariel had told him.
He bit his lip thinking about whether he wanted to ask. He did. He wanted to feel useful, and he told himself he could put aside his personal feelings to give back some of what Ariel had given to him. It was so bizarre trying to put together the two sides of Ariel's personality. He'd been pissy and self-absorbed enough not to budge on anything, refusing to see things from another point of view, and yet he gave without expecting a return. Ariel was so confusing. He put that aside, though. He wanted Ariel to trust him. He didn't let himself examine why.
"Will you talk to me?" Markise asked softly. "If I swear that if I can't say something nice I'll keep my mouth shut?" He wanted to blame their fights on Ariel, but he knew he'd poked and prodded. He hadn't wanted to hear Ariel any more than Ariel had wanted to hear him.
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Post by Ariel Logan Callahan on Mar 29, 2009 14:59:48 GMT -5
"Can you even do that?" Ariel asked in a voice barely even a whisper. He didn't know that Markise could hold back, and even though he couldn't see Markise's face, he knew he would be able to feel the uncomfortable tension. He didn't know that he could handle even knowing that Markise was thinking how disgusting he was to do what he did.
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Post by Markise Sterling on Mar 29, 2009 15:08:40 GMT -5
Markise grimaced at that. Could he really hold back? "I'll try, I promise. I just... You've been so good to me. I don't think I could get pissed if I tried." He tightened his arm around Ariel, telling himself firmly that he'd keep his promise if it killed him. "If it's too much I'll ask you to stop." Ask. He'd ask. He could already feel the tension at knowing what he was getting into, but he told his imagination to shut the hell up and only held Ariel tighter. If he needed comfort, who could he get it from but Ariel?
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Post by Ariel Logan Callahan on Mar 29, 2009 15:15:00 GMT -5
Ariel was silent and his hand stopped its smooth motion on Markise's back. He tried to think of something to say, but came up blank. His mind raced with things that had been going on, but he couldn't find something to say. "What do I say?" he asked. "I've gone to smoking a pack every two days, I'm with at least one different guy every Friday night..." He picked his head up from Markise's and stared blankly out into the room.
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Post by Markise Sterling on Mar 29, 2009 15:21:21 GMT -5
It hurt more than it disgusted him this time, likely because of all the old feelings that had come back since Ariel had found him in the corridor. His eyes opened and he stared at what he could see of Ariel's chest, trying to think of something to say. He didn't know what to ask though, didn't know what it was that he'd been asking about earlier. "Are you happy?" he asked at last. That was what he really wanted to know. Was Ariel happy doing those things?
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Post by Ariel Logan Callahan on Mar 29, 2009 15:26:27 GMT -5
"I don't remember the last time I was actually happy," Ariel said softly. He really didn't, it was something he hadn't grown up with, the transition to school had been a momentary relief that had only turned worse within a couple of years. "At first...I liked it, honestly." It had been hard not to, he had gotten money easily and been with partners he never could have dreamed of being with. It was going downhill, though.
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Post by Markise Sterling on Mar 29, 2009 15:36:39 GMT -5
Markise gave a small nod against Ariel to show that he was listening. He knew Ariel had liked it, he'd said as much before, that he got money and it felt good. Markise still couldn't imagine being able to do that, but then, he wasn't Ariel. That wasn't what caught his attention, though. It was that he'd liked it at first. He wasn't happy. "If you're not happy, why don't you... find something different?" Markise asked at last.
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Post by Ariel Logan Callahan on Mar 29, 2009 15:40:06 GMT -5
Ariel closed his eyes again. "I don't think I can stop," he confessed. He didn't know if he could give it up, not when it still felt good and he was still getting good money from it. There were times when he wondered if it was worth the money, and then he would have an experience to just blow the very thought of stopping out of the water. He couldn't know for sure that he wouldn't revert back to it if he ever stopped.
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Post by Markise Sterling on Mar 29, 2009 15:50:23 GMT -5
I don't think I can stop. The words echoed in Markise's mind. Did that mean he wanted to stop? It sounded like it. Markise's brows drew together as he tried to think, finally unburying his head to look up at Ariel. He brought his hand up again and it hesitated, then settled feather-light against his jaw. "Is that why you're going to a different club?" he asked. That suddenly seemed far more likely than trying to avoid Markise, who rarely went to Popstarz in the first place.
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Post by Ariel Logan Callahan on Mar 29, 2009 16:01:11 GMT -5
Ariel closed his eyes tighter at the light touch of Markise's hand. "I'm going to a different one because..." Because he had been going to Popstarz for too long, because he thought about Markise nearly constantly when he was there, even if he was with someone else. "I just can't go there anymore." He had to try somewhere else, for his own sanity.
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Post by Markise Sterling on Mar 29, 2009 16:10:53 GMT -5
Markise felt another wave of disappointment at the blow-off answer. "It's... okay that I find you at the other club though, right?" Ariel had said as much, and he'd said that it wasn't because of him. What was it, then? And why wouldn't Ariel tell him? "Are you in trouble?" he asked worriedly. He'd heard of so many things that could happen.
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Post by Ariel Logan Callahan on Mar 29, 2009 16:20:26 GMT -5
"I...I'm not in trouble," Ariel said. He knew it was only a matter of time before he was banned from the club, that he was lucky to have been able to stay as long as he had. "It's just...got to the point where I see the same faces all the time." And he was getting repeat customers, and the only ones that wanted a second run were the ones he certainly didn't want to be with ever again.
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