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Post by Markise Sterling on Feb 22, 2009 16:43:19 GMT -5
Markise could have cried again with gratitude. Even a short stop would be better than going until he collapsed, which was what it felt like he'd been doing. He didn't give a thought to Ariel wanting something. He chalked it up to Ariel always seeming to know what he needed when he was hurt or sick. He gave a light nod and made no move to pull away from that touch at his arm. If Ariel was about to suggest he just sleep on the lawns, he might just say yes.
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Post by Ariel Logan Callahan on Feb 22, 2009 16:51:30 GMT -5
Ariel shifted so he was facing the sun and reached up to touch Markise's face lightly. He had made sure there was no one within eyesight before, and so he felt mostly safe as his other hand dropped down Markise's arm to take his hand. There was no thought in his mind that he would have Markise back, but if he didn't do it, the thought would nag him endlessly until he did. He searched Markise's face for long moments before finally convincing himself to say it softly. "I'm sorry."
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Post by Markise Sterling on Feb 22, 2009 17:04:43 GMT -5
Markise's breath caught in his throat, and for some uncountable moments, there was nothing but shock. He couldn't have just heard that, it was impossible, Ariel did not apologize, and when he tried, it was sarcastic, it was full of back-handed compliments, and it wasn't sincere. It was a ticket out of trouble.
Where were the back-handed compliments here? Where was the sarcasm? Markise couldn't find them, even when he lifted his eyes and made himself look into Ariel's. He couldn't find anything there but... things he couldn't identify, things he definitely couldn't remember having seen there before. Part of him wanted to ask What are you sorry for? as though Ariel might brush it all off and say something rude. But somehow his mind insisted it knew.
Markise could feel the tears on his cheeks, but he didn't pay attention to them. All he could think through the throbbing of his head was how much he'd wanted to hear those words. He had to be hallucinating. He was too dizzy. He fought against it, unsure what to say in return, though everything he so fervently denied even in his own mind had to be visible in every line of his face, and in pale blue eyes he couldn't pull from Ariel's warm honey-brown. I let you go because I had to, not because I wanted to. He'd done it for his sanity and his self-respect, and that was all.
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Post by Ariel Logan Callahan on Feb 22, 2009 17:13:43 GMT -5
Ariel brought his hands up to brush away the tears and pushed down the urge to hold Markise that had been badgering him since he had seen him the night before. "I should never have done that to you, you didn't deserve it." As he spoke his voice got quieter. He still couldn't say he truly regretted what he had done, but he did regret what it had done to Markise. He should have been strong enough to keep Markise out of it, to pull away from Markise before or or to refuse the man in the first place.
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Post by Markise Sterling on Feb 22, 2009 17:22:37 GMT -5
The tears only fell faster now, and Markise wanted desperately to lean forward, to press himself against Ariel in silent demand to be held. He had to drag his gaze from Ariel's and glance over the lawns just to remind himself why even if he wanted to, he couldn't. Still, he closed his eyes and let himself move lightly into Ariel's hands. If this had happened only a few weeks ago, Markise might have put all caution to the wind and given something back. I missed you, he thought, even if he couldn't say the words. His head turned slightly and he pressed a soft kiss to Ariel's hand, but that was all he allowed himself.
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Post by Ariel Logan Callahan on Feb 22, 2009 17:35:26 GMT -5
Ariel wanted to let himself hold Markise, and his resolve wasn't helped by the light kiss he felt against his palm, but he couldn't let himself do it, no matter how badly he wanted to. He let himself take a half step, though, so that he would be just a little closer, even if he couldn't touch him. "You need to get back to your dorm," he said softly, though he wanted nothing more than to find an empty classroom or the Room of Requirement to make up for a little lost time. He wanted to ask if he was forgiven, but he felt he didn't deserve it.
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Post by Markise Sterling on Feb 22, 2009 17:43:07 GMT -5
Markise's brows knitted and he looked back up at Ariel. He didn't want to go back just yet. He wanted to soak this up so he'd have something more to hold on to. He couldn't imagine he'd see Ariel again, especially not like this, and he didn't want it to end. The lure of his bed wasn't nearly enough right now. But he should go, now, before he broke and let himself go too far. He should go before it got to a point where he'd have to tell Ariel about Larten. He didn't want to go. "I'm not in a hurry anymore," he said softly. Surely that wasn't too much. Surely taking their time getting to his Common Room would be enough.
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Post by Ariel Logan Callahan on Feb 22, 2009 17:51:35 GMT -5
Ariel dropped his eyes from Markise and settled his hands on Markise's shoulders. He wanted another chance, but he didn't think he could just drop the life he had gotten so used to over the long months away from Markise. Why couldn't he just pull away? He had said his apology, however small it may have been, there was no reason for him to stay when he knew nothing would happen.
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Post by Markise Sterling on Feb 22, 2009 17:56:50 GMT -5
The feel of Ariel's hands was driving Markise to distraction. He wanted to lean forward so badly, but he knew it was a bad idea, and he knew that if he did something like that, if he did sneak off somewhere he could get Ariel to hold him, he would have to tell Ariel, and then what were the chances that Ariel wouldn't hate him again? He didn't want to do it, didn't want this to end on bitter insults. "I should get back to my dorm," he said, the words nearly a whisper.
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Post by Ariel Logan Callahan on Feb 22, 2009 18:01:06 GMT -5
Ariel nodded, though his eyes stayed down on the ground and he didn't move his hands away just yet. He stayed like that for another few seconds before he looked up and allowed himself the lightest of kisses to Markise's forehead. Then he forced his hands away from Markise's shoulders and he looked up at the school. "Let's go."
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Post by Markise Sterling on Feb 22, 2009 18:08:17 GMT -5
Markise had closed his eyes at that soft kiss, a low, breathy sound slipping from his lips at the feel. He'd had the briefest thought of tipping his chin up, of catching Ariel, but before the idea could even begin to take root, it was time to leave that moment. It was better this way, for both of them. He could nurse his wounded heart again in safety, and Ariel could go on like he had been. Markise turned with Ariel and started the trek toward the castle, keeping his head low enough to shield his face from whatever students they might pass. It was still chilly enough that no one would comment.
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Post by Ariel Logan Callahan on Feb 22, 2009 18:31:00 GMT -5
Ariel pushed his hands deep into his pockets, the only surefire way to keep himself from touching Markise as they walked to the castle. He had convinced himself long before that nothing would happen, but it didn't satisfy him, and so his mind continually ran scenarios that would be good enough to keep him from ducking into the first empty classroom they found. Eventually he convinced himself that perhaps sometime in the future he would have another chance, and it was enough to loosen the fists he had made in his pockets.
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Post by Markise Sterling on Feb 22, 2009 18:49:33 GMT -5
Markise didn't break the silence any more than Ariel did as they made their way through the school. His mind kept playing and replaying that apology, that soft kiss, and trying to put it together with everything else. He didn't want to think that Ariel cared about him, that made it so much harder to remind himself of all the reasons that none of this was a good idea.
Finally he stopped as near to the Hufflepuff Common Room as Markise could justify bringing Ariel. He looked up from beneath his hood, and there were a hundred things he wanted to say, and a hundred questions he wanted to ask. He held them back. "Thank you," he said softly. "For... everything." It was as close as he could get to any verbal response to that surreal apology.
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Post by Ariel Logan Callahan on Feb 22, 2009 19:38:00 GMT -5
Ariel nodded but looked away, unsure how to respond to it. "You're welcome," he said softly after a few moments, then ran a hand through his hair before looking up at Markise. "Watch yourself at the clubs, okay?" he asked, a flash of the night before flickering through his mind. "I don't want to hear about something happening to you."
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Post by Markise Sterling on Feb 22, 2009 19:52:02 GMT -5
Markise nodded, but couldn't quite look up at Ariel right now. "I'll be careful," he said. He'd start by avoiding Popstarz until he could get whatever it was he was feeling toward Ariel out of the way. He didn't need to be getting that drunk in the first place, let alone with Ariel around. Even if he couldn't help being... grateful for the help. "Well, goodbye Ariel," he said, then left before he could change his mind.
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