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Post by Dare Blackwood-Hardt on Dec 16, 2008 19:18:48 GMT -5
Dare stopped talking at the sound of Michael's voice and closed his eyes tightly, his mind clinging to those words. I'm not going anywhere. But how could he say that? How could he know? There was so much that could go wrong, and Dare couldn't protect him. He buried his head against Michael's neck, finally beginning to try to calm himself, though he couldn't have said how long that might take.
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Post by Michael Blackwood-Hardt on Dec 16, 2008 19:31:00 GMT -5
Michael moved his hand over Dare's hair, sitting up against the pillows and wrapping his other arm around him. "It's okay," he murmured into Dare's hair. How could he be sure when he didn't even know what was wrong? All he knew was that Dare had had a bad dream, and it seemed to have involved Michael leaving him. Michael didn't plan to leave at all, had never considered leaving.
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Post by Dare Blackwood-Hardt on Dec 16, 2008 20:00:17 GMT -5
It took Dare quite a while to calm down enough to begin thinking again, and even then he couldn't shake off the nightmare or anything that had come with it. His grip on Michael relaxed, but he didn't let go. He held on and tried unsuccessfully not to think over everything he'd seen. It hadn't even occurred to him yet that he'd woken Michael, only that he had Michael, and for now, they were safe.
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Post by Michael Blackwood-Hardt on Dec 16, 2008 20:07:17 GMT -5
Michael closed his eyes and buried his face in Dare's hair. He didn't break the silence, not yet, there would be plenty of time to figure out what had happened after Dare calmed down. It was a good sign that he could actually breathe again with Dare's looser grip. He continued moving his hand against Dare's hair and kept his other arm tight around him.
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Post by Dare Blackwood-Hardt on Dec 16, 2008 20:35:43 GMT -5
Dare didn't want to talk, and so he let the quiet hover in the room, only the sounds of their breathing audible to him. He still felt the tears threatening even after his cheeks had dried, but he held back. He hadn't wanted Michael to see this--ever--but now that it was too late for that, he could only be intensely grateful for the steady strength around him. He was calm now, and once again determined not to sleep without his potion.
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Post by Michael Blackwood-Hardt on Dec 16, 2008 20:42:33 GMT -5
Michael licked his lips and opened his eyes to look at Dare, though he didn't pick his head up. He paused, debating, then spoke in a hushed voice. "Will you tell me what happened?" he asked, closing his eyes again as he waited for an answer. Surely it hadn't been just a normal bad dream, it wouldn't have taken Dare so long to calm down if it had been.
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Post by Dare Blackwood-Hardt on Dec 16, 2008 21:22:36 GMT -5
Dare's eyes squeezed tight a moment, and for that moment, the silence reigned. Then his lashes lifted and he stared out into a room he could hardly see through the darkness. He'd had variations of the nightmare so many times that it wasn't as difficult to put into words as it should have been.
"It was that day," he said softly. "The one with Mom and Silver. But it's never the same, there's always something... different." Not worse. How could it ever be worse than actually having been there? "It was the day with your dad, too. Everything at once." A brief summary, to be sure.
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Post by Michael Blackwood-Hardt on Dec 16, 2008 22:16:44 GMT -5
Michael's eyebrows creased and he tightened his arm around Dare. "Maybe it will only be once," he said, somewhat hopefully even though he had caught that Dare said never the same, always something different. It wasn't the first time he had had the dream. Michael didn't like the idea of Dare reliving it, or any strange perversion of it, over and over.
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Post by Dare Blackwood-Hardt on Dec 17, 2008 0:22:42 GMT -5
Dare sighed, staring wordlessly out into the darkness for some moments. "It won't," he murmured. He'd had such vivid nightmares after that day, and after Mom had died. They'd gone on steadily for weeks that first time, then sporadically over the next months. And at the end of it... Dare squeezed his eyes shut again. He didn't want to think about it. "You almost died, Michael," Dare whispered. And he hadn't been able to do anything but beg for help.
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Post by Michael Blackwood-Hardt on Dec 17, 2008 0:41:54 GMT -5
"Better me than you." The words were out of his mouth before Michael had the chance to think about it. He licked his lips, "I mean...I didn't, though. That's what matters." He was alive, alive and with Dare. Thoughts, doubts that he had pushed away, tried to resurface, but no, he couldn't think of those. It was about Dare now, he could worry about himself later.
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Post by Dare Blackwood-Hardt on Dec 17, 2008 3:19:26 GMT -5
Dare's brows had lowered and his head had moved at Michael's first words, and he glared up at the place where he assumed Michael's face was. His jaw tensed for the long moments before he tried relaxing against Michael again. "What matters is it didn't have to happen in the first place. And if you had died," Dare said, choking on the words. He couldn't finish the thought and knew he didn't want to. He wouldn't admit any of the thoughts and temptations he knew he'd be faced with. If...
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Post by Michael Blackwood-Hardt on Dec 17, 2008 13:01:46 GMT -5
Michael pulled his hand from Dare's hair and wrapped it around his waist with the other arm. "If I hadn't agreed to what he said, he would have..." he stopped, licking his lips as he thought of how to reword it. "I wouldn't have been able to stop him." His eyes closed and his voice ended on a sound barely louder than a whisper. "And if I had died," he continued in that same broken voice. "You would have had Silver, and Markise and Brindle, and you could have made up with your father..."
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Post by Dare Blackwood-Hardt on Dec 17, 2008 13:11:01 GMT -5
Dare was offended even at the idea of it. "It wouldn't be that easy," he said tensely, wondering how Michael could possibly think that Dare would just pick himself up by the bootstraps and go on with life. "Do you really think I'd just go home and do what my dad wanted? Do you really think I could ever be happy, ever, knowing you were out there hating your life, hating yourself? I shouldn't have let you go in the first place."
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Post by Michael Blackwood-Hardt on Dec 17, 2008 13:27:45 GMT -5
Michael shook his head, he had to believe that Dare could have been happy, because if not, then the self hate would have been much worse. "I didn't say it would have been easy, but people move on, that's what they do." He loosened his arms around Dare and turned his head away. He had to believe Dare would have been fine, that his near mistake would have been worth it.
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Post by Dare Blackwood-Hardt on Dec 17, 2008 13:43:49 GMT -5
Again, Michael's insistence that Dare would have been fine was an insult. "I love you, Michael. If I can't have you, I don't want anyone else." Maybe he shouldn't have gotten those rings so soon. Maybe he was going too fast again. Michael's physical withdrawal spoke as loudly as his words. Dare pulled out of Michael's arms to stand, hunting down his bag in the near-darkness. He should probably find his sleep pants.
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