Impulse

[Kane Garrett]

"Understandable," Kane said. "But it's good that you have a support system, even a small one. It's a good place to start." It was only a start, though. "Is this the first time you've been in a...non-traditional relationship?" Kane asked, his lips curving slightly with the euphemism. He'd guess it was, considering how few people knew, but guesses only went so far.

[Michael Blackwood-Hardt]

"Yes, two of the people that know are actually ex-girlfriends," Michael said, looking up and attempting a smile. If he had known that it was going to be so hard to talk, he might have just gone back to drawing, though Dare would have instantly known something was up. Michael didn't want to talk to Dare about it. "He's experimented before, but it's all new to me." As far as first-hand experience went, at least. "It's...I..." he trailed off, trying to get his thoughts together. "I really care about him, and I really love being with him, it's just...hard to get past some things." His eyes fell again and he took a deep breath.

[Kane Garrett]

Kane nodded, though Michael probably didn't see the motion. "That's understandable," he said again. "And perfectly normal. Making a change that big doesn't happen overnight. It's okay to have mixed feelings about things." Kane paused, thinking, then asked, "What things are you having trouble getting past?" There was any number of things, and Kane wouldn't shoot off at the mouth without knowing what they were talking about.

[Michael Blackwood-Hardt]

And that was where Michael froze. His body seemed to stiffen and he crossed his arms tightly over his stomach. Was he really talking to some man he had just met about something so intimate? "It's the physical stuff," he softly told the desk. "Not that we've done everything, or that he pushes, he's the opposite. And a couple of days ago...and I can't talk to him about it..." he trailed off, shaking his head slightly. Something told him that the last probably didn't make sense, but he didn't know how to say it.

[Kane Garrett]

Whatever had happened, it must have been a big step. There was no guessing what that step might have been, though. Small changes could feel as big as leaps sometimes. But Kane wouldn't press for details if Michael wasn't ready to give them. "Did something happen that you didn't want? Or that you were unsure you wanted later?" It was easy to get caught up, Kane knew.

[Michael Blackwood-Hardt]

Michael licked his lips, "When he asked, I said yes, but after it just felt..." He stopped to search for a word, unsure how to say it. He ran a hand through his hair, forgetting that there were still some marks visible on his skin, as he looked for a way to say it. "I felt great," he tried, "But...it felt wrong...I don't know how to explain it..."

[Kane Garrett]

"Maybe you just weren't ready," Kane suggested. "It can be easy to get carried away, and when that happens, if you weren't really ready for it, it can end up setting in later." It looked like that was what had happened to Michael, at least from what Kane understood. "Have you talked to Dare?" Kane asked, then went on, clarifying, since Michael had said that no, he hadn't. "Have you set up boundaries? Have you thought about where your boundaries are? It's easier to stick with what you're comfortable with when you know where you want to stop."

[Michael Blackwood-Hardt]

"Yeah," Michael said, his mind going back to the day they had gotten together. "We've talked some about it, and he never pushes. Like I said, he asked..." He tried to remember exactly what had happened at that moment, when Dare had asked, tried to remember what he had been thinking. All that came to his mind was how good everything had felt, though he did remember how his body had stiffened slightly when he had agreed to it.

[Kane Garrett]

"It's hard to say no when you're in the middle of something," Kane said, choosing his words carefully as he spoke. "If you were in the middle of something when the decision was made, if it was an impulse decision, then any reservations you might have had otherwise...well, they'd be magnified later by the fact that you can't go back and re-make the decision. If you two talked about it first, and it was an entirely rational decision, then there's probably something else bothering you, something tied into all this." With teens, it was almost always an impulse decision, but Kane gave everyone the benefit of the doubt when he could.

[Michael Blackwood-Hardt]

Michael listened to what Kane said, still examining the desk. It was an impulse decision, he knew, he also knew that he had a tendency to make decisions on a whim that ended up being worse. He sighed and ran his hand through his hair again, shaking his head slightly. He couldn't help but think that it would feel like they were planning out everything if they talked about it beforehand.

[Kane Garrett]

Kane let the silence rest for a moment, unable to even begin to guess what Michael was thinking. His hunch was that it had been an impulse decision, though, and his hunches were usually right. "You know, if you can't talk to him about it, you probably shouldn't be doing it," Kane said. "And just because you went too far once doesn't mean you have to again. It isn't too late, Michael. You can't go back and make a different decision, but you can decide for yourself how far is too far, and find some way to let him know."

[Michael Blackwood-Hardt]

Michael cringed inwardly at it, he didn't want to talk to Dare about it, but it felt like he was doing wrong by not talking to him. "It's not that I can't talk to him about it, I just don't want..." He remembered the way Dare had looked at him afterward, and he couldn't bring himself to hurt him by saying something about it. "I would feel bad telling him." He doubted that it made much sense, but that was the main reason he didn't want to.

[Kane Garrett]

"Hm," Kane hummed, leaning back in his chair again. "Just up and saying it isn't the only way," he said. "You could try physical cues, see if he gets the picture. Or, if all else fails, you could bring him in here to talk. No, seriously. Sometimes having someone else to mediate can help."

[Michael Blackwood-Hardt]

Michael's eyes widened slightly and he brought his gaze up to Kane at that. He didn't like the idea of telling Dare he had talked to Kane, much less the idea of bringing him in to talk about it. He figured the best way would be to stay quiet and hope for the best, pull away if they got close again. "I'm kind of praying it just doesn't come up again," he said, however unlikely it was.

[Kane Garrett]

One of Kane's brows arched. "Well, just in case it does come up again, you probably ought to have a game plan, don't you think?" Michael didn't seem unintelligent in the least, just...a little insecure. "So let's brainstorm, then. Between the two of us, we ought to be able to come up with something." Kane thought for a moment, then leaned back slightly further in his chair. "How do you two normally communicate?"