Say it (Michael/Dare)

[Dare Blackwood-Hardt]

Dare felt a spike of physical pain at that confession, a streak that pierced through his heart and lungs. Tried to help...cruciatus... "But...it's Unforgivable," he said weakly. Dare could hardly breathe for that revelation. It was one thing knowing Michael had been a Death Eater, knowing he'd been a follower, a true Purist bastard, but somehow his mind hadn't taken it any father than that. It had focused entirely on Michael as he was now, or as he appeared to be.

Dare hated himself for that last thought, but it was so easy to think. In one day he'd found out that not only had Michael loved before, but it had faded just like that, in one case, and in the other he'd done something...unforgivable! It was impossible to rationalize it, impossible to move past it that easily.

[Michael Blackwood-Hardt]

Michael cringed and went silent, trying to get himself back under control. His voice still broke when he spoke, feeling the need to finish out the story. "When I realized it was her I stopped, next thing I remember is fighting the girl Dru had been fighting, Aggie. She put the heel of her shoe in my back..." he trailed off, seeing everything in his mind's eye. "Then I was tied on the ground and Dru was there, she healed my back, took my wand, and stunned me. After everything was over, the others untied me, I went and took my wand, and we left for headquarters."

He felt like he was on autopilot, the story coming out whether he wanted it to or not. But it felt important, so he didn't even attempt to stop. It stung, it hurt so badly to hear Dare, to feel the reaction, but the words kept coming. "I got in a fight with someone...I don't even remember who it was anymore, and disapparated, turned myself in to Professor Grey." His practically whispered story ended, and he went silent for a few moments before opening his lips again. "Dru forgave me," he said softly, the one person who had no right to, had forgiven him.

[Dare Blackwood-Hardt]

Dare's head was low, his fringe shielding him as he tried to take all this in. It was hard, even hearing the end, even knowing the bottom line. Michael wasn't a Death Eater anymore, and now he knew why. Had it been a change of heart? Or had it been an attempt to get Dru back? Dare leaned forward a bit farther, resting his elbows against his sketchbook and brought the heels of his hands against his eyes, trying to numb the tension with pressure. He didn't know what to say to that, didn't know what to think, and so he couldn't respond.

[Michael Blackwood-Hardt]

Michael continued looking down, flashes of memories that he hadn't focused on in a long time running through his mind. He didn't like Dare's silence, though he supposed it could have been worse, Dare could have just up and left. He sighed heavily and licked his lips again, focusing on staying calm and not panicking or losing control. His fingers wrapped around whatever cloth he found, the edge of his sleeves and the sides of his shirt becoming instantly wrinkled in his fist.

[Dare Blackwood-Hardt]

Dare didn't see the telling motion of Michael's hands, didn't hear anything, and so he remained in his thoughts, unable to shake them off. He didn't want to think that Michael's past had anything to do with the present, but it did. He'd loved twice, it had fallen apart twice, and both times his partner--his girlfriend--had been hurt horribly, in various fashions. And Emily. Emily had died. It felt ominous, even if it also felt impossible.

He couldn't imagine Michael hurting him like that, but then, he couldn't imagine Michael hurting anyone like that, and he had. Michael hadn't meant to hurt either of them, why would he mean to hurt Dare? He didn't need to mean it. He'd said he didn't have any luck with girls, but Dare knew that didn't make him safe, didn't mean this would work, didn't mean it wasn't one of the stupidest things he'd ever done telling Michael what he'd told him. I think I love you.

Did he? And did Michael love him? Did he know what love was, if he loved so easily? Could he be that bad if he loved so easily? He'd said this was more, but what did that mean? Was he confusing the physical with the emotional? God, they'd clicked so easily, the emotional was undeniable, he couldn't go there, couldn't doubt that. But then, if Michael loved him, what did this mean? He was thinking himself in circles, and he couldn't stop.

[Michael Blackwood-Hardt]

Michael hated the silence, but the words that threatened were even more terrifying, so he tried to postpone giving his thoughts voice. He licked his lips again and bent forward, leaning over his legs as though that would make him smaller, take him away from it all. After a few moments he spoke, his voice cracking with the soft words. "Are you going to leave me?" He was afraid, afraid that Dare was going to leave after he had put so much of himself, given Dare all of his trust, in the relationship.

[Dare Blackwood-Hardt]

The words pierced Dare's heart instantly, all the emotion, the vulnerability tearing at him. "Of course not, don't be stupid," he said, though his voice was muffled a bit by the nearness of his arms. I still love you. He wouldn't give that up, wouldn't give up the chance. God, his eyes were burning. Dare rubbed the heels of his hands against his eyes, trying to stem the threat of tears, but he didn't know if he could.

[Michael Blackwood-Hardt]

The relief Michael felt wasn't really a true relief, it was more an ease of the tension in his muscles, one thing gone from his worries. But in its place a thousand other thoughts came forward, begging to be released. He couldn't, though, not if he wanted to just let everything go. He couldn't apologize for not being what Dare had expected or thought him to be in the beginning, and couldn't bring himself to slide closer to Dare, even if that was what he wanted. His eyes closed as he let himself revel momentarily in the knowledge that, at least, he wasn't going to lose Dare.

[Dare Blackwood-Hardt]

Michael hadn't said anything. Dare's already tightly stretched nerves tightened further, and he could feel himself snapping, could feel the first tears no matter how hard he pressed his hands to his eyes. "Are you...leaving me?" Dare asked, the words slightly choked with the tears he was fighting. Had Michael asked because he was hoping Dare would do it for him? Did it come this soon after saying the words? Dare choked on a breath at the thought, willing Michael to just answer and get this over with.

[Michael Blackwood-Hardt]

Michael shook his head, though he knew Dare wouldn't see it, then swallowed the nerves and slid closer to Dare. "No, I couldn't leave you," he said, tilting his head up to look at Dare. He debated, then let his hand come up to Dare's arm, a question, silently begging for the contact. He needed it, to start putting it behind them, even if it seemed like it was going to be a long process.

[Dare Blackwood-Hardt]

Michael's words brought a half-smothered sob of relief from Dare. Then he felt Michael's hand, and he couldn't hold back. His hand moved, fumbling for Michael's as he turned, letting his sketchbook slide to the floor as his other arm wrapped around Michael. He needed the support, needed to feel the truth of it. God, he was crying, and as he pulled Michael painfully, blissfully close, his hand rose up behind Michael's back to wipe ineffectually at his eyes.

[Michael Blackwood-Hardt]

Michael set the box off to the side and brought his other arm around Dare, burying his face in Dare's neck and taking a deep, shaky breath. He could feel that burning at the bridge of his nose, that catch in his throat when he tried to let out the long breath that said he wasn't very far away from tears himself. He breathed as deeply as he could, drinking in his scent and the knowledge that he still had Dare.

[Dare Blackwood-Hardt]

Dare couldn't think anymore, except to remind himself that he still had Michael, that he hadn't ruined everything, after all. He let the tears come as they would, ignored them and focused on the feel of Michael against him, the warmth of breath against his neck. Dare's hand rose into Michael's hair, needing to touch whatever he could, needing that reassurance. He needed to know that this was real, all of it, that he hadn't imagined it in those dark, lonely nights. "I love you, Michael," he whispered. "You don't have to say it, but can I?"

[Michael Blackwood-Hardt]

That was enough to break Michael, and all he could do was nod against Dare's neck before pulling himself tighter, his arm wrapping tightly around Dare's waist. He squeezed Dare's hand and then let go, wrapping his arm around Dare and letting his hand come up to wrap in his hair. His eyes remained tightly closed and, even if he had been able to bring himself to say it, he wouldn't have been able to say the words, not with his throat closed tight.

[Dare Blackwood-Hardt]

Dare's arm moved immediately around Michael, pulling him so close he could hardly breathe for the pressure. "I love you," he whispered again, and pressed a kiss to Michael's neck. His hand at the back of Michael's head shifted as Dare pressed another kiss to Michael's cheek, then sought his lips, wanting to say it again without words, to make it that much more real for both of them. He loved Michael, and even if he was still terrified, it didn't matter. He wouldn't throw away what they had for any chance of losing it. He'd only cling to it that much harder while he had it, make every moment count, whether it was a year or a day.