Say it (Michael/Dare)

[Michael Blackwood-Hardt]

Michael didn't know what was going through Dare's mind, wasn't sure if he wanted to know as he watched the slow motions of his hand. His eyebrows came together as he watched, then stared as the movement stopped. He turned his eyes back to the box in his lap, wanting to hand it over, but afraid to have it gone just yet. He didn't know what was happening, was unsure about how everything was going to work out, so he stayed quiet

[Dare Blackwood-Hardt]

Michael's silence didn't help Dare quiet his thoughts; if anything, they grew worse, more persistent as the minutes ticked by. He wanted to tell Michael, but his mind kept coming back to those same fears. If he said the words, was he jinxing everything? Would it all just fade? Dare's breaths grew more tense as he tried to push himself to just decide. He either had to say something, or let it go, but it wasn't going! It was going to drive him crazy! Say it, then.

Dare licked his lips, trying to gather courage, building himself up so he could do what he knew he was going to do. He closed his eyes for just a moment, giving a quick, silent prayer for strength, then took one long breath, exhaling whatever tension he could along with it. "Michael, I...I think I'm falling in love with you." That wasn't right, wasn't enough. "I think I love you." It was a stupid thing to say, some part of him knew it, but he couldn't stop himself. And now he couldn't breathe waiting for Michael to say something.

[Michael Blackwood-Hardt]

If Michael had been unable to speak before, Dare's confession rendered him unable to remember how to speak. So he didn't try, but took it in as best he could and rolled it around in his mind, trying instead to figure out what he thought about it. He considered saying it back, but how could he say it when he could barely bring himself to call Dare his boyfriend? But then, how else could he describe how he felt for Dare, how he felt when he was with Dare?

Michael risked a glance up at Dare, knowing that the stretch of the silence must have been horrible, because Michael knew how it was waiting on an answer to something like that. He just didn't know if he was ready to say it. He did know, though, that he needed to say something. "I..." he licked his lips to give himself just that extra moment to think. "I'm close." It was all that he could think to say, rather anticlimactic when he heard it come from his lips, but it was all he could force from his mouth, couldn't even ask anything of Dare.

[Dare Blackwood-Hardt]

Dare's heart stopped at the first sound of Michael's voice, waiting in ridiculous hope for words that didn't come. His chest tightened painfully when the rest came, a vise squeezing his heart. Close. His heart beat again weakly, and he pulled a few shallow breaths, squeezing his eyes closed. Why had he expected Michael to say the words back to him? Because he loved Anna, and he left her for you.

Dare couldn't look at Michael, couldn't bring himself to raise his eyes from the paper in front of him. He'd just thrown his heart on the table, and he didn't know how to gather it back up. "How close?" he asked, the words a near-whisper, and past his lips before he could even consider the wisdom of having spoken them. But it was too late now.

[Michael Blackwood-Hardt]

Michael's hands tightened around the box, his chest constricting as he beat himself up for not being able to just say it. "It's there," he said softly, "I can feel it." The words just won't come, he finished in his mind, though he thought that the way he had spoken screamed his thoughts. He kept his eyes down, his eyebrows coming together as he focused on the box, as he wondered why it was so hard for him to say it when it had always come easily.

Maybe with Dare, it was more real, or a different, deeper kind of love that he was afraid of, that he had never experienced. He knew that what he had had with any of his previous girlfriends was nothing compared to what he had with Dare, it was so much...more. The thought that he had been preparing for Dare with Dru and Anna came to his mind, another variation on the thoughts that Dru had pulled him from the Death Eaters, Anna had pulled him out of the depression, and Dare was helping him come to terms.

[Dare Blackwood-Hardt]

Dare squeezed his eyes shut again, Michael's words hope and hurt all at once. "Which is it?" he asked, his voice still painfully soft. He couldn't stop himself from going on, though. He wanted to know, wanted Michael to know...what? What did he want? "Is it there or not? You don't have to lie to me, Michael." He didn't want Michael saying something like that if he didn't feel it, didn't want the words if they weren't sure. He was sure. This couldn't hurt so much if it wasn't real.

[Michael Blackwood-Hardt]

"I've never felt anything close to what I feel with you," Michael admitted, voicing his thoughts as well as he could. "I've heard that there are different kinds of love." It was like his inner monologue was coming out, helping him try and figure things out. "But I never imagined it could be like it is when I'm with you. I think that, because of that, I'm thinking too hard about it when I should just listen to find the truth." He felt like he wasn't even really talking to Dare, more like he was having an imaginary conversation, just Dare happened to walk in on it.

"And when my mind hushes long enough to listen, I focus on how good I feel with you, and I remember how I feel about you." Michael looked up, staring ahead of him as he worked his way towards the answer. Though he couldn't bring himself to say I love you, what he said led to the same thing, "Then I see I would be a liar to say I don't love you."

[Dare Blackwood-Hardt]

Dare's brows knitted at Michael's confession. He'd more or less said it, and Dare knew he had to be happy with it, knew he couldn't push Michael to say them. "If it's going to...end everything, then don't say it. I don't want to hear it that badly." He did, God, he did, but he kept going back to Anna and Dru, and he was suddenly afraid that in saying the words, he'd put something in motion that he'd be powerless to stop. Anna still loved Michael. Would Dare end up the same? Everything inside him cried no.

[Michael Blackwood-Hardt]

Michael tilted his head at that and his eyes turned to Dare. "Why would it end everything?" Michael couldn't see where saying I love you would ruin anything, though he did have a tendency to say it right at the end of a relationship. But, in his mind, there was no end in sight for theirs, so he wasn't worried about that. That thought set his mind to running wild, wondering if Dare had just been leading up to an end. No, Dare wouldn't have told him that if that was what was going to happen.

[Dare Blackwood-Hardt]

Dare risked a glance up at Michael, but his eyes flickered away immediately when he saw Michael watching him, and his head lowered just a bit, letting his fringe swing farther across his face. "I don't want to end up like Anna and Dru," he said softly. He didn't want to love Michael only to have it taken away. No, he wanted to love Michael, but he didn't want Michael to pull away because of it.

[Michael Blackwood-Hardt]

Michael was momentarily taken aback by that, and then couldn't stop the words that came from his lips. "You sure as hell won't end up like Dru, I can guarantee that," he said, the uncomfortable intensity leaving almost completely at the need he felt to show that he didn't think it would happen. "And unless you plan on leaving for a third of a year, you won't end up like Anna." He wondered if it would have been a good idea to have told Dare what had happened between him and Dru, because there was no way Michael would end up attacking Dare.

[Dare Blackwood-Hardt]

The sharpness in Michael's voice pulled Dare's head up, and he looked at Michael, brows drawn together. "You say that like it's a stupid question." He'd voiced a perfectly rational fear and Michael had pretty much barked at him. It stung, and it put Dare on the defensive. "Your last two girlfriends you loved and left. What am I supposed to think?"

[Michael Blackwood-Hardt]

"Loved and left?" Michael repeated. "I could see that definition for Anna, though I'm sure she's happy with whatever guy it was she kissed that night. But trust me, I did no such thing to Dru." There was a moment where he told himself it would be a bad idea, but he couldn't keep it down, and by the time he realized what could happen he had already begun to speak. "Me and Dru fell apart because she was an Order member and I was a Death Eater and there was an attack and I ended up going after her!"

Once it was out, barebones as the story was, his eyes widened slightly and he took a breath, looking away from Dare and licking his lips. Something screamed that he had just messed up, but there was no taking it back and so he took his hands from the box, wrapping his arms low around himself as he waited for the reaction.

[Dare Blackwood-Hardt]

Dare's expression didn't change as he looked at Michael. "What do you mean, going after her?" He had a bad feeling about the answer, but it was overshadowed by the need to know. Something about the conversation, about the defensive tone in Michael's voice kept Dare tense as well, and he couldn't let it go, couldn't just take a deep breath and walk Michael through this. His morning had been emotional hell, the past weeks had been emotional hell, and he was tired.

[Michael Blackwood-Hardt]

Michael tucked his arms tighter to his body and looked down, letting his hair fall around his face so he wouldn't have to see Dare. "There was a Boat Party, and we went, both because she wanted to go and there was a planned attack. We both knew about it, but didn't know the other did. The whole night people were coming up to her and telling her to leave me, she was so convinced I wasn't what they said I was, though. I made up my mind to tell her the truth."

He wasn't sure why he hadn't just answered the question, but the story started to come out and he couldn't stop it once he had started. "But I had to go to a meeting and didn't have time to get to her before the attack started. I tried to look for her, but it didn't take long before I got more pulled into the fighting. At one time, I looked up to see a girl attacking a fellow Death Eater." Aggie, but that was another story that he didn't care to go into. "So, naturally, I tried to help my person, sent out the cruciatus, I didn't know it was Dru."

He huddled in on himself even farther, if it was possible, afraid of how Dare was going to react, that he wouldn't see his face was a small victory. The only reaction Michael would be aware of would be the words that Dare said. His eyes didn't close, instead they stared, unseeing, at the box in his lap as he tried to keep his breathing under control.