Seen and Unforseen (Michael/Dare)

[Dare Blackwood-Hardt]

They'd slipped through the gates with no problem. Of course, Dare hadn't stopped to look over his shoulder. If anyone heard the crack of apparition, they were either baffled, or already too late to do anything about it. Dare made no move to lift the disillusionment charm just yet. He wanted to be completely out of sight of the gates, and he wanted the continuation of the warmth of Michael's hand without either of them having to see how worried, or miserable, or depressed the other was. Dare was in the worried category.

[Michael Blackwood-Hardt]

Michael had sensed movement in the few seconds they had still been outside of the gate, but once inside he felt immediate relief knowing that the men couldn't follow them inside. He shifted his hand in Dare's, threading their fingers together for the extra comfort the more intimate hold gave him. He didn't want to take the disillusionment charm off, because to do so he would have to let go of Dare's hand, but once they were inside of the forest it only made sense, so he forced himself to let go and take it off, looking towards where he thought Dare was, still not speaking.

[Dare Blackwood-Hardt]

There was no reason not to take the charm off now, so Dare fished out his wand and removed the disillusionment. The fact that Michael wasn't speaking wasn't helpful to his nerves, and Dare was silent too, for a moment. Then his gaze dropped, and he broke into apology. "I'm sorry I was such an idiot back there, I was drawing, and I wasn't thinking. I should have been thinking though, it's not like that's something that's easy to forget, but I just...feel so out of place, and I don't even know what I'm doing. I thought we'd just go down to Hogsmeade, and those guys showed up and I went stupid. I'm sorry, I just..." Don't hate me, don't give up already. If he was a little melodramatic, it was because he was beginning to see the breadth of the differences between them, and everything he had and knew paled in comparison.

[Michael Blackwood-Hardt]

Michael's eyebrows came together and he reached out and took Dare's hands, stepping close to him. "You were fine with those guys, you didn't give anything away or make them pull any spells on us. And..." he trailed off and looked away. "What you said...just brought back old doubts and...because I know there were other options for me, I could have done something else. But...it's so hard, Dare, to go against my dad."

He looked up and searched Dare's eyes, though Dare had been talking about Adara's father, the easy way he had spoken about it had dragged Michael's mind back in time to where he had done whatever his father said. "And they're all like that, you have to do what will help the family name, you have to listen to what the patriarch of the family says, what he wants is what goes." He looked away again, shaking his head slightly.

[Dare Blackwood-Hardt]

It was hard for Dare to wrap his mind around that kind of blind obedience. He followed the rules, but because he knew they had reasons for existing. If there were ever a rule that went against what he thought was right, or what he should do, that rule wouldn't exist for him. He'd been raised in a household where the kids had an actual say in things, and though he knew how unusual it was, it was still the way things had always been for him.

"I'm sorry I didn't stop to think about it," Dare said after a moment, slipping his hands free of Michael's. "I just...I feel like such a mudblood." There was no teasing in his voice to lessen the impact of the word, and it felt harsh, starkly laying one of his fears wide. As short a time as he'd spent with Michael, he didn't feel good enogh.

[Michael Blackwood-Hardt]

Michael didn't understand why Dare pulled away, he only knew that his hands felt exceptionally cold without the warmth of Dare's there. And Michael winced with Dare's harsh usage of that word, mudblood. He crossed his arms tightly over his chest, shaking his head. "No, Dare, you...you don't know how I've lived, just the same as I don't know how you have. I'm not angry about what you said, I just...haven't worked through it all yet, you know?" Michael still had a lot to go through with himself, he didn't know if he would ever be able to completely forgive himself for everything.

[Dare Blackwood-Hardt]

"Yeah, I know," Dare said, looking up into the trees. Michael said he wasn't angry, but all the same, Dare knew that it was his own careless words that had dredged things up. And he was continuing to dredge it up through his seeming refusal to let it go. But how could he let it go? He kept thinking about all the rules, the balls, the antique furniture they sat on like it was nothing, and he knew that in all likelihood, he was just going to keep messing up out of sheer ignorance.

Dare dropped his gaze back down to his hands, lightly clasped in front of him. "It's not about what I said," he confessed. "That's part of it, but..." He looked up at Michael, then away when he saw Michael's defensive stance. He took a quick breath as he mentally searched for some way to explain. "I'm afraid to even sit in that place! I feel like my ass is going to get the chair dirty and I'll have ruined a 10,000 galleon piece of furniture!" Ridiculous maybe, but it seemed to represent the crux of the problem.

[Michael Blackwood-Hardt]

"You're not going to mess up that fur-" Michael stopped, tilting his head, his eyes narrowing slightly as he realized something. What was Dare thinking? Mudblood? I'm afraid to even sit in that place! "Dare...what do you mean? I mean...I can understand if you're not used to it but..." Michael trailed off. He had a feeling, but he refused to think about that, Dare was smarter than to think something like that. Though he knew that he and Dare had come from completely different circles, Michael didn't see anything wrong with it, he was as good as out of the higher circle.

[Dare Blackwood-Hardt]

Dare shrugged, refusing to let himself look up at Michael. It was bad enough trying to confess to deep-seated feelings of inadequacy without having to see whatever emotion might be in Michael's eyes. Dare's brows knit even as his head drooped a bit, letting his fringe obscure his own face. "I've never been in a Pureblood's house, except my dad, but he's so much of a blood traitor even he didn't count himself. But, I mean..." He exhaled heavily as he tried to piece together words that didn't sound asinine. "It wasn't so bad this time, but it ended up being something else instead, and it'll be something else next time." If there is a next time, Dare finished silently.

[Michael Blackwood-Hardt]

Michael shook his head slowly, letting his arms fall down, his thumbs hooking insecurely into his pockets. "Since when are you hung up on blood status?" he asked. "Yeah, stuff's different, but what does it matter? Does it matter?" He didn't get what was wrong with Dare, or had he just been taken by surprise by what had happened? Michael had questions, but he didn't know how to ask them, he only had the beginnings of an idea of what was wrong, and couldn't even understand that

[Dare Blackwood-Hardt]

Dare shot a look up at Michael that was brief, but filled with everything he was feeling, from insecurity to embarrassment over that insecurity and anger with himself for the embarrassment. His gaze quickly dropped again. "It doesn't matter," he said. "It shouldn't matter, but...God, Michael, haven't you ever just felt..." Of course he had, everyone had. Dare shook his head, shaking off his words and trying again. "It's not about blood. It's about what comes with it. I don't even know how to explain it!" How did you tell someone that their entire way of life, or past way of life, intimidated you to the bone?

[Michael Blackwood-Hardt]

"What comes with it? Like the money? Dare, I don't even have any of that stuff anymore! All that I have is what I was given on my seventeenth." Michael looked away from Dare, running a hand through his hair as he tried to understand, "Or is there something else? I don't understand what's changed! You weren't like this when you came back from Emilian's last time." Michael knew that he was asking a lot of questions, and he still just barely understood. He turned his eyes back to watch Dare, chewing the inside of his cheek.

[Dare Blackwood-Hardt]

Dare shook his head, the feeling of stupidity increasing with Michael's inability to accept what he was trying to say, and his own inability to just accept that acceptance. "Last time I didn't get a chance to think about it, except while I was there. There was that guy, and then Adara, and I just felt stupid about it. What was I supposed to say? Oh my God I've never seen such f*cking expensive furniture in my life?" Dare jammed his hands into his pockets as far as they'd go, which, admittedly, wasn't far, considering how they fit him.

"It's one thing thinking, okay, high society, Pureblood, gotcha, and then seeing it, and hearing about it, and knowing I don't know anything. I don't know what I'm supposed to do, I don't know what to keep from saying so I don't sound like a complete moron, and I don't even know what else I don't know!" Dare looked back up into the trees, brows knitted, not knowing if any of that made sense to Michael. But then, when would Michael have ever felt out of his league?

[Michael Blackwood-Hardt]

"Dare..." Michael said, shaking his head slightly. "I don't expect you to know it all, I mean, you didn't grow up in it. If you took me and stuck me somewhere I had never been, like with muggles, I would be clueless. Does it really bother you that much?" he asked, his hand rising to touch Dare's face, but falling short, unwilling to take the chance of Dare pulling away like he had when Michael had taken his hands. Instead he ran his hand through his hair, looking at Dare with worry in his eyes.

[Dare Blackwood-Hardt]

Dare shrugged and hung his head again, looking down at the ground, fringe obscuring his face. He'd seen that gesture--that almost gesture--and couldn't interpret it. "I've never really fit in," he said, his voice low and unsure. "I've never wanted to fit in, so it didn't really matter. But this..." He didn't want to say it, but how else could Michael understand?

"You and Emilian just fit. I know, you've known each other forever, but seeing you together, seeing how you just fit in with all that stuff...I know it's stupid, but what if I do something..." He let out a heavy breath, annoyed, maybe ashamed with himself for saying it. "I don't want you to look at me the way he did when he found out I was mixed blood."