Matters Of The Heart ~Liam~

[Liam McAdam]

Liam was unable to calm down at the moment. "I should have died along with them...they lost their lives....and all I got out with was a damaged lung and a missing arm....I hate myself so much..." he said silently, yet was unaware of the possibility that Belle could hear him due to their proximity. Now it was even harder to breath and he felt as if he would pass out.

[Belle Roberts]

"You shouldn't hate yourself Liam. What good would you dying with your parents have done?" she asked softly.

"You're here Liam. You have the incrediable chance to live life. To live it to make them proud. And I bet that your parents are already very proud of you," she added quietly.

"I mean, the way you handle your damaged lung and missing arm is incrediable. Don't hate yourself........." she trailed off.

[Liam McAdam]

Liam shook his head at how she said it was incredible for him to have handled his handicap, but did not say anything. He was desperately trying to calm his breathing, his crying seemed to grow softer.

[Belle Roberts]

"Are you okay?" she asked as she let go of him. He seemed to be trying to calm his breathing, and it was really concerning her. She didn't want him to pass out or anything. I mean, she could handle it if it happened, but she was still slightly scared. She didn't want anything bad to happen to him or anything.

[Liam McAdam]

Liam nodded, trying not to worry her. He soon mananaged to slow his breathing, making it at a calmer rate. He was hoping that Belle wouldn't worry, but he was not sure.

[Belle Roberts]

Belle was worried, she couldn't help but be that way. She leaned forward and kissed his cheek.

"Don't hate yourself," she said again after pulling back.

"We'll have to work on that I suppose. Get you to the point where you don't hate yourself for surviving anymore. It's survival's guilt. A lot of people go through it after losing someone they love," she said.

"It's okay that you survived and they didn't Liam. It's hard to be without them, but that doesn't mean you should hate yourself for surviving when they didn't."

[Liam McAdam]

Liam did not expect the kiss on the cheek and he felt warm, yet when this warmth mixed with his lingering sorrow, it gave him a somewhat sick feeling, as if he would vomit or something like that. When Belle started talking about survivor's guilt and for each thing she said, he could only nod to agree with her. He could not speak to her or anyone at the moment...not at the moment anyway.

[Belle Roberts]

Belle fell silent. He would talk to her only when he wished. And she couldn't make him change his views. He'd probably been hating himself for a very long time for surviving. She couldn't change that in one day.

"Well um, I'm here if you ever need to talk," she said softly as her gaze went back out to the lake. Maybe her feelings for Liam were a complete bad idea. I mean, they both obviously had issues from their past. But she couldn't deny the pull she had towards him.

[Liam McAdam]

Liam looked out towards the lake aswell and sighed slightly. "You're...right....I shouldn't hate myself..." he started before he thought of why he had hated himself. "I guess...I couldn't bear to...put the blame on anybody else....not even the murderer....I hate seeing others in pain...I think....that is why....I hate myself...I....I never wanted....to blame anybody....I was the only one...who I could blame...without being tense around anybody else." he finished. It seemed he put everything he could into that statement.

[Belle Roberts]

"You don't have to hate the murderer. That probably wouldn't help anything, but you don't have to hate yourself either. Putting the blame on yourself isn't good. It only puts an unnecessary load on your shoulders," she replied.

"I can't say that I know what you're going through, but I do know that for the things in my life that has happened to me, I have put the blame on my shoulders, and it isn't good for me either. It's not your fault that your parents are dead Liam. And the stuff that I've gone through in my life is not my fault," she said softly.

[Liam McAdam]

Liam felt a little comforted by her words, but was now curious about what happened with Belle's past. It may help change the subject after a while, and he wanted to help her. "What happened..in your past?" he asked, before he had to add something. "You don't have to tell me....It is your past after all. I don't wish to intrude." he added, as if saying it was completely optional for Belle to tell him.

[Belle Roberts]

She shut her eyes as he asked her what had happened in her past.

"Well.............." she trailed off, wondering what to say.

"My father is not a very good man, he uh............" she trailed off again, her eyes still squeezed shut, her breathing rather raggad as she wondered what to say.

"He uh...........did things to me that were wrong. And I always blamed myself for those things. He almost killed my mom, but I saved her by calling the cops. He is now in prison," she finished.

"My mom has remarried so things are better now," she said, finally opening her eyes.

"But uh, it's still hard for me to trust men," she added, falling silent. Wow, she never usually talked about any of this.

[Liam McAdam]

Liam was surprised to hear all of this. He didn't blame Belle for not trusting men. He did not know what to do or say, but he couldn't just sit there doing nothing. "I'm sorry to hear that happened to you. And..I don't blame you for not trusting other men.." he said, feeling sad for her.

[Belle Roberts]

"It's okay. It's not your fault," she said softly.

"And really, I just concentrate on the here and now. I just try not to think about my father or my past, and I think I've done okay," she said with a shrug.

She suddenly shot him a dazzling smile and stood up all of a sudden running towards the lake and jumping in with a laugh. It was done to lighten the mood for she knew that she didn't really want to talk about her past anymore. She resurfaced with a grin, shivering a bit, but the water actually wasn't too cold.

[Liam McAdam]

Liam nodded, understanding her point before he seemed to fall to his side from Belle surprising him like that. As he got up, he looked at Belle, who was already in the lake and he couldn't help but laugh a little. "Don't surprise me like that." he said before he joined Belle in the lake.