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Post by Keith Evans on Mar 24, 2012 22:13:27 GMT -5
Keith nodded, "Yeah, that'd be better." Maybe he could somehow relax enough to talk to Rowan about everything when they were hidden away. He didn't really know what he would end up saying, but he was marginally confident enough in his ability to say something at least somewhat intelligent.
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Post by Rowan Trace on Mar 24, 2012 22:19:23 GMT -5
"All right," Rowan said. He set what he could to packing itself in the living room, then led the way to his bedroom. What few traces of his personality shone through before were hidden away in a neat stack of boxes beside the wardrobe. The bedding hadn't been packed yet, so Rowan stopped it with a flick of the wand and sent it back into place. "Make yourself comfortable," he said.
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Post by Keith Evans on Mar 24, 2012 22:21:43 GMT -5
Keith toed his shoes off and sat crosslegged on the bed. He put his elbows on his knees and pressed his face into his hands. "He asked tough questions, things we've both already thought about, you know? Doesn't make it any easier of a decision," he said, his voice slightly muffled.
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Post by Rowan Trace on Mar 24, 2012 22:26:42 GMT -5
Rowan closed the door, though he debated a moment before doing so. "What decision?" he asked. He sat beside Keith, stretching his legs in front of him to cross his ankles. The way Keith spoke, it was easy enough to tell that it had something to do with the physical things they'd discussed at length, but the removal of Trent should have simplified things.
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Post by Keith Evans on Mar 24, 2012 22:29:33 GMT -5
"Whether to keep going like we were or not," Keith said. "I want to be with you, I don't want to think about what may or may not happen in the future." He didn't want to refuse to have what they had had because of possible restrictions later in the relationship. He linked his fingers together and rested his head on his knuckles, looking over at Rowan.
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Post by Rowan Trace on Mar 24, 2012 22:37:39 GMT -5
Why was it that things had seemed so much more clear-cut in Keith's living room? Rowan wanted to say the same, but it felt odd, the way it had felt odd once to mix work with his free time. Where he'd dismissed Shianni in his mind before, she lingered now, as more than a person only a room away.
"There isn't a future," he said. "My future is with Shianni, and though I'd prefer you to be part of that future, it would be a lie to say I believe she'll ever let me have a divorce." And he felt hypocritical even implying that he'd put Shianni first. It seemed he got the best of everything this way, and yet he felt like he was selling Keith short.
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Post by Keith Evans on Mar 24, 2012 22:44:06 GMT -5
"I know. But even the near future..." A breathy chuckle born more of anxiety than humor escaped. "Why'd I have to fall for you? Surely there are easier relationships out there." And why did Shianni have to be such a pain? He couldn't really say that he would prefer their child have its parents living separately, though.
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Post by Rowan Trace on Mar 24, 2012 22:58:35 GMT -5
"And hopefully you'll find what you're looking for," Rowan said. "I don't mind exploring for a while longer, but I realize that there will be a point where things will have to stop." This was difficult for him to say, but he'd had comfortable silence to think in, where his tasks were mundane enough to relax. "If things were to progress... emotionally, I don't know that I'd be able to accept living with Shianni, but I couldn't leave her. I don't know that I'm making sense."
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Post by Keith Evans on Mar 24, 2012 23:05:11 GMT -5
"Rowan, none of this makes sense. You're having an asexual guy having a baby with a woman because of a love potion sitting here talking to a gay guy that's into bondage and Ds. We make less sense than Harry Potter joining the Death Eaters," Keith said, unable to stop a small smile. "But somehow...it works? And I don't want to give it up, whether it means no sex for a while or emotional progression." He didn't know if he could handle getting any closer to Rowan emotionally, but he also didn't know how he could manage hanging out with Rowan regularly without more attachment growing.
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Post by Rowan Trace on Mar 24, 2012 23:13:08 GMT -5
"What I mean is that I can't get that close to you emotionally," Rowan said. "If I started to think that I was falling for you," he went on, using Keith's phrasing to help him explain, "things would need to stop. The experiment, the exploration, whatever you want to call what's between us, will have to stop because I won't let it get to the point where I'd be tempted to leave Shianni."
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Post by Keith Evans on Mar 24, 2012 23:17:40 GMT -5
Keith nodded and turned his head, lowering his hands to pick at the hem of his pants. He was silent for long moments before he spoke again, his words slow and unsure. "I don't think we should keep going, because however much I want to, or you might want to, it just feels like setting us up for failure and pain. But...realistically can we keep ourselves from it?" They had tried staying apart before and it had failed, and they hadn't been as close as they were now. And he wanted it so badly.
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Post by Rowan Trace on Mar 24, 2012 23:25:12 GMT -5
"I don't know," Rowan admitted. "I won't lose you as a friend over this, whatever happens," he said. "Perhaps we should cut the physical exploration, but accept what happens when we go out. For now," he added, looking aside at Keith. "In the meantime, now that we've got this much cleared up between us, maybe you should consider dating. It sounds cold, but waiting until we've gone too far won't help either of us."
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Post by Keith Evans on Mar 24, 2012 23:36:04 GMT -5
Keith nodded, though he wrinkled his nose at the prospect of dating. He hadn't dated in so long, past a single date here or there, that he wasn't even sure how to get started in it again. "I'll have to remember how to date," he said, finally looking over at Rowan again. "So do you still want that massage? It would relax me as much as you."
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Post by Rowan Trace on Mar 24, 2012 23:50:30 GMT -5
"Of course," Rowan said. "I should take a break from packing anyway." Keith looked like he needed a massage far more than Rowan, but it was difficult not to remember how that had ended the last time when so much of it had dominated their conversation.
"Do you want to do it here?" Perhaps it would be safer than in Keith's quarters. Perhaps Shianni's nearness would help Keith keep his control.
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Post by Keith Evans on Mar 25, 2012 9:39:58 GMT -5
"Yeah," Keith said, nodding. It was definitely safer, with the signs all around them that nothing could happen. "So have you told your friends about married life?" he asked. Maybe if he talked about it he wouldn't have second thoughts and could drill it into his head himself. It would probably be a good idea to go out with Matthew and Rhys, or see if they could point him in the right direction.
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