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Post by Dare Blackwood-Hardt on Mar 19, 2009 21:20:36 GMT -5
Elouai led the way into the shop, even if Dare was the last in. Her leash was long enough, and she was eager to press her nose against the glass and see whatever animals were waiting for new homes. Dare's mind wasn't on Elouai though, even as he let her drag him on. He wondered what Michael would say. Knut for your thoughts?
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Post by Michael Blackwood-Hardt on Mar 19, 2009 21:25:38 GMT -5
Michael didn't answer immediately. Instead, he came in and went straight to the counter and thought. He draped his cloak over the back of the chair behind the counter and went to get the food needed. It had been so long since they had talked about anything physical that he had to remember how. Had it been so hard before? Yes. It had been much worse before. He was already finished feeding the first cage before he found words. "Are you happy where we are? Physically?" he asked, barely even pausing between the first and second animals as he spoke and then sent the little arm bag back to the back of the store now that he didn't need it.
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Post by Dare Blackwood-Hardt on Mar 19, 2009 21:31:04 GMT -5
Dare blinked at the unexpected question, but answered without hesitation. "Yes. I mean, I think so." That question alone made him doubt himself. "Are you... not happy? We could... if you don't want..." Maybe they'd gotten too physical. Maybe Michael thought... No, he wasn't going to guess at Michael's thoughts. He was too busy trying not to guess that he didn't give his answer much thought or any actual inspection. "Why?" he asked at last.
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Post by Michael Blackwood-Hardt on Mar 19, 2009 21:37:54 GMT -5
Michael continued in his chores, the methodical act of dishing out food and sending the bags back to the storeroom helping him think and concentrate without things becoming too much for him. "I'm fine where we are, I was just wondering if you were okay with it," he said. He was almost afraid that they had stayed the same for too long or something of the sort. They had come to a sort of stop there for a long time, and they hadn't done anything new from Michael's birthday until just a couple of weeks before. He didn't want to end up at the point where he was so comfortable where they were that he never tried to get himself comfortable with anything else.
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Post by Dare Blackwood-Hardt on Mar 19, 2009 21:48:44 GMT -5
Dare's mind was trying to work faster than it had in a while, and he was having difficulty picking through his thoughts. The result, something that had happened a lot lately, was that he didn't try to pick through them. "I'm okay with it," he answered. Did Michael think-- Dare stopped himself again. "I'm always happy where we are," he said. He'd wanted more for the majority of their relationship, in one way or another, so that didn't register much. Plus, and more importantly, he didn't want to hurt Michael, and didn't want to push him. He didn't want Michael to think he wasn't doing enough, and he didn't want to seem ungrateful for what had happened most recently by even implying he wanted more.
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Post by Michael Blackwood-Hardt on Mar 19, 2009 21:54:52 GMT -5
"But you want more," Michael said, bringing up a topic that had bothered him more than a few times before. It still didn't make any sense to him how Dare could be happy where they were when he still wanted more. He kept his eyes down as he fed the animals in the front windows. "Do you wish we had moved faster?" he asked, though he couldn't begin to imagine what it would be like if they had already done everything Dare wanted and that the Prophet had long ago claimed they had done.
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Post by Dare Blackwood-Hardt on Mar 19, 2009 22:00:37 GMT -5
Dare shook his head, abandoning the first-- question? comment? --for the last. "No. I mean, I did then, but I don't now. And I didn't really, I want you to be happy. I told you that you were worth waiting for, and I meant it." And he'd done everything he could to prove that he'd meant it. He paused to try to think of what he could say, of what Michael might be getting to, but he couldn't see it.
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Post by Michael Blackwood-Hardt on Mar 19, 2009 22:13:59 GMT -5
Michael didn't know how to tell Dare what he was thinking. It was almost as if he needed Dare to tell him he wanted more or needed more, or else where was the motivation to continue pushing himself to open up more? He moved on to the other side of the room. Was there any way to even make Dare understand when he didn't even really understand himself?
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Post by Dare Blackwood-Hardt on Mar 19, 2009 22:21:02 GMT -5
Dare's brows knitted as he watched Michael, and though it was warm in the shop, he didn't take off his coat. He'd been relying quite a bit on cover for comfort over the past however long, with only a few exceptions, and he'd take what comfort he could get. "Michael?" he asked, when the silence wore on. He dropped his gaze to a case full of fuzzy round puffskeins. "Did I... I mean, what do you want me to say?" Did I do something? He didn't expect a script, but there was obviously something bothering Michael, and he couldn't make the leap alone.
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Post by Michael Blackwood-Hardt on Mar 19, 2009 22:34:11 GMT -5
Michael licked his lips and finished feeding the animals to give himself more time to think. He raised his wand to perform the spell that cleaned the cages of the animals in the shop. Then he leaned against the counter. "I...I don't know how to say it..." he said. He reached up to run his hand through his hair. "I just...I want to know, because...because I..." he shook his head and ran his hand through his hair again. "It's like, I'm happy, and if you are, too...then what's the point?" he wasn't sure if that made any sense.
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Post by Dare Blackwood-Hardt on Mar 19, 2009 22:45:11 GMT -5
Dare's thoughts, all insistence about how happy he was waiting aside, were clear on his face in his alarm at Michael's words. What's the point? "I didn't mean I don't want to!" Dare said, the words a bit more desperate-sounding than he'd intended. He tugged at his lip ring with his teeth for just a moment as he looked away, trying to find words. "I just... I don't want you to think I'm not happy now or I don't like what we do, because I do, but... I want it to be your decision. I don't want to push you like that first time..." Dare trailed off at that."I love you," he said, very softly.
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Post by Michael Blackwood-Hardt on Mar 19, 2009 22:55:59 GMT -5
"Dare, you didn't push me that first time," Michael said, his eyes darting up to Dare. "I agreed to do it, I thought I would be fine with it, but it turns out I wasn't." He didn't know what to do say to convince Dare that that hadn't been his fault. "You didn't do anything, I swear." He ran his hand through his hair again. "I want..." he shook his head, frustrated with himself, and looked away.
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Post by Dare Blackwood-Hardt on Mar 19, 2009 23:01:23 GMT -5
Dare took Michael's assurance and held it tight, but before he'd even begun to think of how to respond, Michael had gone on. Or maybe he'd gone back to what he'd been thinking before? Dare didn't know. "What do you want?" Dare asked, somehow afraid to ask it too loud. He paused, entirely too tense, then forced himself to move, finally stopping near Michael. He was still unsure of his boundaries, especially with the current topic of conversation, but he was tired of distance, and his coat wasn't the comfort he needed.
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Post by Michael Blackwood-Hardt on Mar 19, 2009 23:08:26 GMT -5
Michael sighed heavily and all but cringed at Dare stopping away from him. "I...it's like...I'm fine where we are, and if you say you're fine with it, too, then how will I be able to keep making myself go further?" he asked, looking up at Dare with pleading eyes. "Do you know what I'm trying to say?" He didn't make sense to himself, and he couldn't imagine it was any better for Dare. He wished Dare would touch him.
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Post by Dare Blackwood-Hardt on Mar 20, 2009 9:28:23 GMT -5
Dare blinked, and realization lit his eyes. He remembered all the things they'd done before, all the landmarks in that part of their relationship. He remembered when Michael had told him about seeing Kane, and that he'd said he was doing it for Dare. Dare had thought that he didn't want Michael making himself do something like that for him, but he'd realized almost immediately after that what Michael had needed was a reason.
Wasn't that what he was saying now? He didn't feel like he had a reason? Aside from that first time, before Michael had seen Kane, everything they'd tried had worked out. They'd stopped moving forward when Dare had stopped initiating more, hadn't they? And then Michael had moved forward without even a suggestion. Dare tried not to let the memory distract him, but it was difficult.
Dare slid closer to Michael against the counter and pulled his hand from his pocket, extending it in the hopes that Michael would take it. With what they were talking about, it didn't feel right not to have some contact.
"I want more," he said softly, dropping his gaze to where Elouai was exploring the floor. "I like everything we do, it's... it's amazing, but yeah, I think about it." Dare lifted his gaze to look aside at Michael. Was that right? Was that what Michael had needed? It was certainly the truth.
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