Problems (Dare/Michael)

[Dare Blackwood-Hardt]

When Dare returned with Elouai, he'd walked her enough that she was content to go into her kennel and lie down. He hadn't needed his bag after all, but he'd felt better for having it close. He stood in the bedroom for a short while, debating. Something had been bothering Michael, and he'd wanted to talk about it when he and Elouai got back. It didn't sound good. Dare's mind kept trying to come up with scenarios, and thankfully the calming draught kept them from getting too vivid, but still, he realized that it probably wasn't going to be pleasant.

In the end, he'd left his bag in the bedroom, tucked under the edge of the bed where he'd taken to keeping it the past few weeks. He was under no delusions that Michael didn't know exactly where it was, but it made him feel better having it out of the way.

Finally Dare headed downstairs, expecting to find Michael slaving over his homework as usual. He wasn't though, and Dare stopped on the bottom step, his eyes jumping to that sketchpad. This was definitely not good. For a second or two, Dare debated just suggesting they go to bed. His mind couldn't fully form the idea of Michael leaving him, likely due to the potion, but it was still there in the back of his mind. He told himself it was ridiculous and stepped down into the shop.

[Michael Blackwood-Hardt]

Michael didn't look up immediately, a kind of panic setting in at the realization that there was no getting out of talking. He finished the small area of hair he had been working on, then closed his pencil in his sketchbook before he finally looked up at Dare. He licked his lips, then opened them, but nothing came out. His eyes dropped to the sketchpad in his lap so he could maybe think a little. "Why are you still taking your potions?" he asked softly, knowing that if he didn't go ahead and say it then it wouldn't get said.

[Dare Blackwood-Hardt]

Dare blinked, that question completely throwing him. He relaxed quite a bit at knowing that's all Michael wanted to talk about. "You know why," he said, crossing toward the counter. He leaned forward, resting both forearms against it and folding his hands lightly together. He tried to catch a glimpse of Michael's sketchpad to see what he'd been drawing, but it was no use. He'd missed it.

[Michael Blackwood-Hardt]

"But..." Michael paused, licking his lips again and still staring down at his sketchbook. "It's been so long, do you really still need them?" he asked, glancing up for a moment before turning his eyes back down to his lap, to the sketchpad Dare had given him when they had first moved into Emilian's place. His fingers traced invisible patterns across the cover.

[Dare Blackwood-Hardt]

"They sure as hell help," Dare said softly, his voice as calm and level as it had ever been. "That night you stayed up to finish your essay I never would have gotten to sleep otherwise. And we can't deal with... me waking us up in the middle of the night. There's too much going on." Dare stopped himself from going on any further. It was starting to sound like some kind of excuse.

[Michael Blackwood-Hardt]

Michael blinked and finally looked up at Dare. "But if you got rid of the dreams, then you wouldn't have to use the potions," he pointed out. It was useless to try, so when his eyes threatened to drop yet again, he didn't stop them. Dare wasn't helping him convince himself that it was a problem like Markise had been convinced it was.

[Dare Blackwood-Hardt]

Dare straightened to stand, shaking his head all the while. "It doesn't matter," he said. "I can afford them and they help, so let's not worry about it, okay?" If he came off as a little defensive, it was only because he didn't know why Michael was bringing it up all of a sudden. He'd been fine with it yesterday, and fine this morning. "Come on, let's go to bed," Dare suggested, hoping to change the subject.

[Michael Blackwood-Hardt]

Michael hung his head, trying to think of some way to convince himself that it was worth pushing. "Those aren't made to be used constantly," he said, his mind trying to work through the wall saying that he didn't need to worry about it. "You could fix the problem, though, then you could use the money for something else." He didn't know how much Dare was spending, didn't know what his paycheck usually was, but buying potions all the time had to take a lot.

[Dare Blackwood-Hardt]

Dare looked at Michael, more than half incredulous and more than a little affronted. "You're starting to sound like Grey," he said under his breath, as though the comparison was an insult. "I'm the one who knows what I'm going through. I thought at least you understood. It was your idea in the first place." Dare hadn't even wanted to try it, but he had, and it worked. Why would he stop and just go back to the way he'd been?

[Michael Blackwood-Hardt]

Michael's eyebrows came together and he looked up. "Well you needed it then, if I had known you'd do it for so long I wouldn't have said anything." Not to mention that he hadn't been in his right mind then, Michael had been all pain and pain potions during those few days. He didn't want Dare to be dependent on it. "I never intended for you to take them other than that night, I wasn't even thinking straight."

[Dare Blackwood-Hardt]

Dare shook his head again, slowly as he tried to put an argument together through the lingering effects of the calming draught. "I don't mean to like, say you did something wrong, Michael," he said, staying in his place just a bit back from the counter. "You were right, and I wouldn't have been able to make it otherwise. It was worse than you thought..." The potion kicked in, fading the bad memories before they could fully develop, and he had to think a second to pick up a new thread of thought. "It's fine," he said. "I know what I'm doing."

[Michael Blackwood-Hardt]

Michael shook his head, "You could get it fixed," he insisted. He wanted Dare to be okay, and now that he had been able to bring it up, it came easier. "Wouldn't that be better?" he asked, looking up, then back down at his hands on the cover of his sketchbook. Maybe it wasn't worth arguing over, maybe Markise had been the one overreacting, and Michael had been right not to worry in the first place.

[Dare Blackwood-Hardt]

"It's not something that can just be fixed, Michael," Dare said, the words more tense than he realized. "It's not like a tumor you can just go to a Healer and have it evanesco'd out. I'm not a broken wand, I'm just... doing what I can to get by! What is so damned wrong with that?" Why couldn't Michael understand? He'd seen what happened when Dare didn't take the potions, and he'd encouraged it! This whole argument was ridiculous!

[Michael Blackwood-Hardt]

"Anything can be fixed," Michael insisted, looking up at Dare. He had never imagined that his problem could have been fixed at all, but talking to Kane had helped so much. Couldn't it help Dare, too, if he just went? "I went to Kane for you," he said, turning his eyes away. "Couldn't you at least try?" It didn't feel like he was getting anywhere, maybe he should just forget about it.

[Dare Blackwood-Hardt]

"This is different, Michael," Dare said sharply. He refused to acknowledge any similarities. He didn't want to talk about any of this crap, especially with some stranger who wouldn't understand it anyway. "There's nothing wrong, there's nothing that needs fixing. Now are you coming to bed or not?" Dare's eyes were dark, and his muscles were tense. He wanted to just forget this. They didn't need to fight.