Prophet

[Adara Snow]

Adara was confused by this change, and still unsettled by Emilian's first words. Have at it. She had no time to make sense of them before he had gone on, not only to give what sounded like a genuine apology, but to admit to fear. She was unsure whether she could accept that she had heard correctly. And then his question. What dreams have you been living on?

She did not want to say, for once did not want to share her dreams. They were too close to real hopes, ones she knew that Emilian would not wish to hear. "They are nothing," she said, dropping her gaze. "Only fairy tales." And she had discovered that there were no fairy tales.

[Emilian Sota]

Emilian tightened his jaw and stared at her. "They must be something, Adara, for you to be mentioning them all the time!" If it was really nothing then she wouldn't mention them all the time, would she? "Maybe if you told me what they are, then I could do something to make this better!" he insisted.

[Adara Snow]

Adara shook her head, her suede-gloved hands rising to cover her face when she could not bear even the temptation of looking up at him. "I cannot tell you, Emilian, I will not ask things of you that you would not wish to give." It had been easier a year ago, when she had been trying to coax him into opening up, before they had gotten close, far too close. She was as terrified of going any father than they were as she was desperate for it to happen. "I simply cannot say the words, Emilian, and I will not ask."

[Emilian Sota]

Emilian clenched his jaw in frustration and looked off toward the window before he looked back at Adara. "Adara, I went to Germany for you, I nearly died for you," he said, "What wouldn't I give you?" He had given her everything, had been willing to do anything to keep her, had even ordered a ring for her. What did she want him to do!

[Adara Snow]

Adara shook her head again, still unable to say it, unable to think of it in anything but a vague generality. When she was finally able to force herself to speak, her voice was so soft that it was nearly inaudible. "Perhaps I... I want to know that it was real," she said, the words an attempt to work through a thought, not the thought in itself. "I cannot reach my dream as I used to and it frightens me." She didn't want to say the words. As horrible as this was, at least he had not had the opportunity to directly refute whatever weakened dream she might have hidden in the corner of her mind.

[Emilian Sota]

Emilian could have growled in frustration at his inability to understand what he could do to make it all better. What hadn't he given her that she could possibly want? "Adara, what do you think wasn't real? What do you want me to do?" He shook his head and looked away from her. He rubbed his hands over his face and walked over to the window again.

[Adara Snow]

"Maybe I dreamed it all," she said, her voice nearly a whisper. Maybe that was why she could no longer dream. Maybe she had waken at last, and no amount of trying to dream again would bring back what she had lost. Maybe they had both waken and Emilian had been right all along. She couldn't make sense of her thoughts anymore, and her private world wouldn't come to her, wouldn't protect her from this. "I want to know you love me," she breathed, the words only meant for herself.

[Emilian Sota]

Emilian nearly stopped breathing at those barely-heard words. Hadn't he whispered those words so very softly into her hair once before? Hadn't he thought them more than he would admit? So why was it so hard to say them out loud? "I do," he said softly, then turned back to her. The mind numbing passion might have lessened over the long months apart, it was still there, he was sure of it.

[Adara Snow]

Adara shook her head again, Emilian's admission tearing at her. She wanted so badly to know, to hear it, but all the same, she didn't think she could handle it. She felt something akin to panic even at the implication. "This is the problem, Emilian," she whispered, lowering her hands only as far as her chin and curling them in on themselves as she looked down at the floor. "I am afraid to hear it. I am afraid to say it. I do not know how I can want something and not want it all at once."

[Emilian Sota]

Emilian ran his hands into his hair and clenched them into fists. His eyes closed and he released the hair, only to rub his hands over his face as he tried to think. "Is there nothing I can do?" he asked, finally looking at her. "I've given you everything, Adara, I don't know what else to do!" There had to be something. And if there wasn't, he wished she would just tell him so they could both move on from the frustration.

[Adara Snow]

She didn't know whether to be hurt or relieved that he had given up that particular topic so soon, but her brows knitted as she tried to think of something that might make things better, or at least easier. Somehow she had ruined everything, with demands she never should have attempted to make. She should have followed her instinct to pretend that all was as she wished. She had ruined things so terribly. Adara reached out, one hand finding the edge of the doorway and pressing against it for stability. She felt weak, but her dream world was locked away from her. She wanted it so badly! She wanted to be able to forget, to wake with a sense of clarity and purpose! But there was no clarity, no purpose. She swayed lightly, then folded her knees to sit in a puddle of cloak and graceful skirt. She closed her eyes and tried to will her dream world to come and take her.

[Emilian Sota]

Emilian had gone to Germany to ensure that he would be able to keep Adara, and he seemed to be losing her even faster because of it. Somehow she had been able to convince him that a relationship would work. He refused to let it go just yet. He went to her, kneeling on the floor in front of her and reaching for her. "Adara..." he called, lightly holding her face.

[Adara Snow]

For one long moment, Adara remained still and quiet, her eyes closed as she struggled to picture her tower, to summon some bit of the serenity that came with it. But she couldn't escape and there was only one possible comfort available, one she had been almost sure would gladly walk away if only she had given the opportunity. She broke and wrapped her arms tightly around the back of his neck, burying her face against him. "I am so frightened!," she said, her voice wavering. "I do not know what is wrong with me."

[Emilian Sota]

Emilian wrapped his arms around her and gently stroked her hair. "How can I help if you don't even know?" he asked softly. He desperately wanted to go back to how they had been back before he had left, to the way they had been on the night of the masquerade. He was beginning to doubt that it was even possible.

[Adara Snow]

Adara clung to Emilian, the solid feel of his body, the strange gentility of his voice, of that hand against her hair unable to soothe just yet, but grounding her all the same. "Do not leave me alone again," she whispered, somehow distantly surprised at how very many of her fears linked back to that one. "I have lost you twice, and I am not strong enough... I cannot survive it again. I was so alone..."