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Post by Markise Sterling on Dec 17, 2008 14:49:13 GMT -5
Markise felt sicker today than he had yesterday. He'd vomited from nerves alone after he'd gotten tested, and he had to wait a week--a week!--for the results. He was so stupid, so unutterably stupid.
He'd come to the lake because he couldn't breathe inside, couldn't bear to be around people right now, seeing them smiling and sharing holiday cheer. He'd come straight here, his place of solitude, but just the sight of the water had been enough to break him.
He was sitting with his back against the base of a tree back a bit from the water's edge, knees drawn up in front of him. His arms were curled around them with just enough room for his bowed head, his pale blond hair sticking out from beneath the edges of his hat. He was shivering, but not at all from the cold. He couldn't feel it anyway. He'd have been perfectly happy to become just another snow drift.
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Post by Michael Blackwood-Hardt on Dec 17, 2008 14:58:02 GMT -5
Michael was coming back from Hogsmeade, where he had tried to find a place to buy so that he and Dare wouldn't have to stay in the Room of Requirement longer than necessary. When he saw Markise, he nearly turned and went around, but something told him that that wouldn't be the best idea, the same thing that told him he needed to talk to Markise anyway. He sighed softly and continued toward him.
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Post by Markise Sterling on Dec 17, 2008 15:05:29 GMT -5
Markise heard the crunch of feet against the frozen ground, and his muscles seized. In one horrified moment he imagined it was Ariel, coming with some ridiculous explanation, trying to tempt him back with kisses. His stomach clenched uncomfortably, and though it took him a bit, he eventually lifted his head, raising bloodshot eyes that were all the more noticeable by the fact he wasn't wearing any makeup at all. He just couldn't gather the energy to do it, even with the unsightly smudges beneath his eyes, even with the slight reddening from crying.
But it wasn't Ariel. Of all people, it was Michael. Dare's Michael. Markise looked away again, ostentatiously out toward the water. He had to squeeze his eyes tight for some time to keep from crying again. He hoped Michael walked past. He didn't think he could take the reminder. Not on top of everything else.
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Post by Michael Blackwood-Hardt on Dec 17, 2008 15:14:03 GMT -5
Michael almost continued on, but that same feeling nagged at him, so much stronger by how Markise had looked. He stopped a couple of steps from him, hands tucked into his pockets underneath his cloak. "What's wrong?" he asked, wondering if this was the chance he had been needing to be able to get along with Markise.
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Post by Markise Sterling on Dec 17, 2008 15:24:22 GMT -5
Markise flicked a glance up at Michael, the moment far too tense to be bearable. He brought his gaze quickly to the shore at the edge of the lake instead, just close enough to keep the water out of focus. He couldn't begin to think of what he could tell Michael. Where could he start? What was too much? He raised one black-gloved hand, sweeping the back across his eyes. "Ariel," he tried, but bile threatened to rise in his throat. He'd had sex with a prostitute. Markise shuddered. "He's a f~ing bastard," he finished instead.
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Post by Michael Blackwood-Hardt on Dec 17, 2008 19:53:22 GMT -5
Michael's eyebrows came together and he sighed softly, nodding. He could have told Markise that, but that was beside the point. "What did he do this time?" he asked, then glanced around the lake. "Can I sit?" he added, not caring to stand over Markise the whole time they talked. Markise still wasn't his favorite person, probably would never be more than just a friend through Dare, but he was willing to try one more time.
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Post by Markise Sterling on Dec 17, 2008 20:09:52 GMT -5
Markise nodded and tried to straighten his spine a bit so he didn't look so much like he was feeling sorry for himself. Which, of course, he was. He didn't speak while he waited for Michael to sit, trying to figure out what he could say. But there was no possible way to express how bad things were without saying it. But then, why should he protect Ariel? "I found out..." Markise paused, pulling a tension-filled breath and refusing to look aside at Michael. "He's a prostitute!" The bile was rising again.
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Post by Michael Blackwood-Hardt on Dec 17, 2008 20:24:02 GMT -5
Michael was still settling in beside of Markise when he heard that, and his eyes turned up to him in surprise. "Are you serious?" he asked. That was the last thing he had expected to come out of Markise's mouth. "Where did you find something like that out?" Not that he could have ever imagined that word being used to talk about Ariel, but Markise didn't seem like he was lying.
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Post by Markise Sterling on Dec 17, 2008 20:33:08 GMT -5
Markise looked up at the sky, firmly pretending he didn't feel the trails of wetness trickling down his cheeks. If he ignored it, maybe Michael wouldn't notice and he could pretend he still had some pride left. "We were fighting. I haven't seen him since... since London, and I tried to find him, but I..." I told him I wasn't a whore. Markise skipped that.
"He wouldn't tell me where he'd gotten the money, it was like, an assload of whatever money British Muggles use. But I'd... I'd passed out that night and I didn't know what happened. He told me a load of bullsh~ and I wanted to believe him, but I just couldn't. And then he said he was the only thing keeping me from being a whore that night, and I didn't do anything like that, so I guessed, and... I was right." Markise hated knowing he was using someone as a sounding board, especially Michael, but the words had just come, and there was no taking them back.
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Post by Michael Blackwood-Hardt on Dec 17, 2008 20:54:08 GMT -5
Michael's eyes widened and he looked away from Markise, "That's...disgusting." He wrinkled his nose as he tried to imagine why someone would want to do that. He had never needed money, though, so he didn't know the desperate measures some people would take. It didn't make prostitution any more acceptable. He couldn't think of anything to make someone want to do that.
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Post by Markise Sterling on Dec 17, 2008 21:00:27 GMT -5
Markise grimaced as his stomach clenched again. "I know," he choked out. "I can't believe I... I just can't stop feeling dirty." Markise wrapped his arms around his waist and leaned forward slightly over them, trying to find some way to comfort himself, but there wasn't anything. He wanted to say something more, but he didn't know what he could say. Ariel was literally a whore, and Markise had slept with him. That made him a whore by association. God, he wanted those results back now!
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Post by Michael Blackwood-Hardt on Dec 17, 2008 21:15:51 GMT -5
"You shouldn't," Michael said, looking over at Markise. "Just because he's a whore doesn't mean anything about you, especially if you didn't know." He didn't very much like Markise, but he couldn't look down on Markise for being with someone, no matter how much he didn't like Ariel. "Is it the first time he had done that?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.
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Post by Markise Sterling on Dec 17, 2008 21:29:25 GMT -5
Markise had wanted to argue the point of guilt by association, but before he could do more than open his mouth, Michael had asked a question that he'd given much thought to last night in bed. "I don't know," he said honestly. "He said... he said he'd... never been with a guy," Markise said, hoping Michael wouldn't get to any conclusions from that statement. "I don't know, though! I mean, he's lied before--hell, he told me some random stranger gave him what looked like at least a hundred of those paper money things just so we could get home! I... I don't know."
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Post by Michael Blackwood-Hardt on Dec 17, 2008 21:42:18 GMT -5
Michael wouldn't doubt that Ariel had done it before, but if he had, why would he bother lying to say he hadn't been with a guy. "I can't blame you for being angry with him," he said, looking out over the lake. "Don't beat yourself up over being with him, though." Only then did it hit Michael that Markise was single now. His eyes darkened lightly, but he tried not to let it get to him, he didn't have to worry about Markise and Dare.
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Post by Markise Sterling on Dec 17, 2008 21:59:34 GMT -5
Markise was still far too stuck in his current thoughts to be mooning over Dare. Yes, he'd lumped being with Ariel among the most stupid things he'd ever done, along with letting Dare go for Kwami and coming out at SWIM, but it always came back to the bottom line. He'd been with a prostitute. And that last time, when he'd felt so close to him, he'd been putting his health at risk. He realized that Michael was right, that there had been no way he could have known, but he still felt... dirty. "I'll be okay," he told Michael, then gave a tense chuckle. "I've been through worse."
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