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Post by Michael Blackwood-Hardt on Oct 5, 2008 10:14:38 GMT -5
Michael stared at the book for a few more long seconds before looking up at Dare and nodding, "I just don't want to see." He couldn't deal with looking at the drawings, and he knew he wouldn't be able to handle watching as Dare did, seeing the expressions on his face or feeling like he needed to answer unasked questions. He looked back down at the book, the smallest feeling of fear seeping into him at the knowledge that Dare would be seeing everything inside.
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Post by Dare Blackwood-Hardt on Oct 5, 2008 10:20:52 GMT -5
Dare felt the growing tension in Michael's body, and only held him tighter. He didn't rescind his question, didn't offer not to look, but lifted his head, turning it slightly to press his lips to the edge of Michael's jaw. "What about the other book?" he asked, giving Michael the opportunity for escape, if he needed it. Michael had said it was balls and landscapes, which implied more pleasant memories, so Dare hoped the shift would help, hoped Michael wasn't already too far gone.
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Post by Michael Blackwood-Hardt on Oct 5, 2008 10:32:19 GMT -5
Michael took the opportunity, not eagerly, but almost desperately. He pushed the creme book to the side, away from him and towards Dare, with as little contact as possible, as though it were diseased, then pulled the other to the middle. He opened it to the first page, a basic sketch of a line of faceless girls in delicate dresses, partly his own imagination filling in details and part his actual memories. "I liked to do this," he said, turning the pages slowly, "I liked staying on the side and watching." Sometimes there would be a face, someone he had danced with or particularly liked looking at.
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Post by Dare Blackwood-Hardt on Oct 5, 2008 10:37:30 GMT -5
Dare nodded, though his arm didn't loosen from around Michael just yet. He wanted to feel anchored, wanted Michael to remember that he was here. "I've never seen clothes like that," Dare observed, taking in every gently swaying dress. There had been a couple dresses that were similar at the masquerade, as though they were attempting to come close to these, but nothing that was on par. "It must have been amazing to watch." An artist's dream, though Dare realized that these drawings had to have been made afterward.
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Post by Michael Blackwood-Hardt on Oct 5, 2008 10:45:08 GMT -5
"Yes, it was really something to watch, when I was younger, because once you know everyone that's doing the dancing it loses some of the impressiveness." Michael turned the page, unsure of what he would find, he didn't have it memorized like the other. His eyes caught on an elegant woman with pearls at her neck, her strawberry blonde hair swept up around her pale face and light green eyes. She was arm in arm with a man taller than herself, though she was above average height, with mahogany hair pulled back tightly at his neck. His father and mother.
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Post by Dare Blackwood-Hardt on Oct 5, 2008 11:09:19 GMT -5
Dare had already seen Michael's father, and it was no stretch to identify his mother as well. She was, unsurprisingly, a beautiful woman, pale and soft where Michael's father was harshly dramatic. Dare could see pieces of Michael in her as well, the gentility that shone through when Michael was comfortable, the easy grace rather than the forced elegance of his father. It was an amazing insight. Dare looked quietly, taking in every detail he could and committing it to memory. These were the people who had, unknowingly, given him Michael.
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Post by Michael Blackwood-Hardt on Oct 5, 2008 11:19:36 GMT -5
Michael looked at the drawing, wondering not for the first time how his mother and father had ended up married, though in a much different light than before. He used to wonder how his father had wanted to be with his mother, and he saw it the other way around now, why would someone like his mother want to be with someone like his father? He realized then that he really didn't know the circumstances of the marriage, and was intensely curious.
On the next page was an exotic girl of sixteen or seventeen, with straight, dark hair hanging past her shoulders. Her eyes were black and her skin a warm caramel, an out-of-place gold chain hung around her neck. Her dress was beautiful, a pale green that clung to her body, if a bit more revealing than most of the families would have approved of, it most definitely wasn't appropriate for the ball she had worn it to. "And this is Carolynn, Emilian's first," he said, looking up to catch Dare's reaction.
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Post by Dare Blackwood-Hardt on Oct 5, 2008 11:31:21 GMT -5
Dare's brows rose at that announcement. He'd never really thought of Emilian having a first before, though it stood to reason that there had to have been a first, didn't there? "Wow," Dare said. The girl was gorgeous. It was pretty hard not to think of less-than-appropriate things when looking at a girl like that. Dare blinked, then slid his hand against Michael's side as he lifted his gaze. "How old was he?" Dare asked. The girl looked about his age, but he knew Emilian was older than him. Still, he couldn't imagine Emilian held out until he was sixteen.
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Post by Michael Blackwood-Hardt on Oct 5, 2008 11:38:31 GMT -5
"He was thirteen and she was sixteen," Michael said, wrinkling his nose slightly. "She had a thing for being someone's first. "He hates her." He lightly tapped the necklace on the page, "That's his necklace, she stole it from him." Michael remembered when Emilian had come back from that dance. Michael had barely been twelve and only known what Emilian had said about girls and sex, so he had listened, wide-eyed, as Emilian had told him everything that had happened, angrily pacing the floor as he spoke.
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Post by Dare Blackwood-Hardt on Oct 5, 2008 11:57:10 GMT -5
Dare's eyes widened now. "God, that must've screwed with him," Dare said. Thirteen, and she'd stolen from him, on top of it. And Emilian liked to share his stories with Michael. Dare looked back up from another glance at the drawing. I'd never do that to you, he wanted to say. I love you. Dare dropped his gaze to the paper again. "I don't get how people can treat sex so casually, like a game or something," he said softly. "It's not supposed to be like that." Dare had very definite ideas of what it was supposed to be. He'd resisted the pull up until Michael. Up until he'd fallen in love.
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Post by Michael Blackwood-Hardt on Oct 5, 2008 12:04:11 GMT -5
"No, it's not," Michael said, looking up at Dare. It was supposed to be love and commitment. So why couldn't Michael do anything with Dare? He blinked and looked away, back at the drawing, pulling his thoughts away from that dangerous course. "He ranted about her for days, and then at every dance he would dance with her, I'm still not sure why." He knew that Emilian had been with her one other time, to prove he was in control or something, Michael wasn't positive, but that was what he imagined it to be.
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Post by Dare Blackwood-Hardt on Oct 5, 2008 12:15:24 GMT -5
Dare looked down at the girl again, wondering, but he could come to no conclusions. His hand swept against Michael's side again, then he turned his head to press a kiss to Michael's cheek. I love you, he thought again. He didn't know how else to tell Michael that it wouldn't be like that for them, if... Dare pressed another light kiss to the edge of Michael's jaw. Physically, he wanted what they'd had once before, but he was in no rush. They'd taken a few steps back and were going step by step again, and he was happy with that.
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Post by Michael Blackwood-Hardt on Oct 5, 2008 12:42:28 GMT -5
Michael smiled at Dare, though he hadn't caught the connection like Dare had. In his mind that one instance wasn't going to affect his views on sex, wouldn't stop him from wanting to be with Dare. He watched Dare for a moment and then looked down. He wanted to continue in his book, lost for once in pleasant memories. His arm moved underneath Dare's and around behind his back, his hand curling around Dare's side as he turned the page again. His eyes brightened, "This is the view from my room," he said, looking over the trees and lawn.
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Post by Dare Blackwood-Hardt on Oct 5, 2008 12:49:07 GMT -5
Dare's lips curved into his crooked smile, and he watched Michael for a moment before turning his gaze down to the drawing. It was a relief seeing Michael happy again, a relief knowing that, for all the hurt he'd experienced, there had been good in his life as well. Dare let his eyes trace the scene, loving the glimpse it gave him into Michael's life outside Hogwarts. "It's amazing," he said simply. The view from his room had been a fenced-in backyard with a pool, though it was better than Silver's view. He'd been penned in behind the lemon bushes.
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Post by Michael Blackwood-Hardt on Oct 5, 2008 12:55:01 GMT -5
Michael nodded, smiling as his mind went back to hours spent out in those trees. The rest of the book was much the same, balls and landscapes from around his home, out in the trees, by the small pond where he swam. When he finally closed it he stroked the back lightly before turning his eyes back to Dare. Maybe someday I can show you," he said, no where in the near future, unless something happened to make Michael feel safe going back, but someday.
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