Hiding in Plain Sight (Adara and Emilian)

[Adara Snow]

Adara blinked, confusion written on her face a moment before she realized that Emilian was opening up to her, whether he realized it or not. She bit her lip to keep from showing any sign of the excitement she felt, though her eyes glittered. "You are friends with Michael, then," she said at last. "You did not lie about that." She paused, thinking of all she had seen. "You must have been close."

[Emilian Sota]

"We were friends," Emilian corrected. He would have loved to have still been friends with Michael, "And yes, we were close." Of course, if you asked Michael, Emilian had been a horrid dictator bearing down on him at all times.

[Adara Snow]

Adara watched Emilian as surreptitiously as possible, afraid of doing anything that might jar him out of his thoughts. She could hear the tang of bitterness in his voice, and she longed to wrap her arms around him, to provide what solace she could. It was obvious that Emilian cared for Michael, or had at some time, and it gave her hope. "It only hurts because there is still something there," she said softly, her teeth finding her lip as she looked aside at him.

[Emilian Sota]

Emilian shrugged, his eyes dark and slightly glassy. "It doesn't matter." He highly doubted she even had any idea how close he had wished they had been, that she had any inkling that the 'something' she spoke of was more than just what one felt towards a close friend.

[Adara Snow]

"It does matter," Adara said, the words out of her mouth before she could censor herself. "I am sorry, Emilian. I will not press you. But I feel that I should give something for all that you have given me, something that I can give," she added hastily. Her hands, having given up on her skirt, twisted lightly against one another now. Even she was unsure what she had meant by that, but she could feel the truth of the words.

[Emilian Sota]

"There's nothing I want from you that you 'can' give me," Emilian said, his voice sounding exasperated. He wondered if she had any idea how much worse it made it for her to say she wanted to give him something, all the while both of them knowing what he wanted she wouldn't give him.

[Adara Snow]

Adara looked away from Emilian, blinking back the prickling threat of tears. She had no right to them when she was causing him pain. "I am sorry, Emilian." She wished that she had the words to make things right, but he did not want words.

[Emilian Sota]

"Would you stop apologizing for yourself?" It aggravated him that she said she was sorry for everything, normally it wouldn't even faze him but it was just an annoyance now. "Stick by what you want, or don't want, in your case." He hadn't apologized for what he did to Savannah, or with Lucretia, for fighting Chase. He didn't know how much sense his words made to her, but to him it made perfect sense.

[Adara Snow]

"I want you to kiss me," Adara said, turning back to look at Emilian. "But it is something that you do not want, and I do not want to hurt you! You do not have to pretend to care for me, but will you please believe that I care for you, even if you do not understand it?" Adara squeezed her eyes shut, mortified at herself for having admitted things that she knew he did not want to hear.

[Emilian Sota]

"You don't know what it is to care for someone." How could she know? From what Emilian knew of Adara, she had been so very sheltered, not even catching on when he and Anna had been obviously speaking of the Death Eaters. "I know what it is like to care for someone, for someone I could never have," he said, pushing himself from the wall, "You have a crush, that's all.

"For your chest to burn, your breath to catch, to want to hold them through all of the pain, the hurt. To smile every time they cross your mind, to want them to be happy no matter what, but at the same time yearn to hold them to you and keep them from the world and yet still be able to let them make mistakes on their own. That my dear Adara, is caring for someone." What had brought on the words he didn't really know, but he felt much better after saying them, while at the same time more tense as he turned from her.

[Adara Snow]

Adara was silent throughout Emilian's heartfelt speech and for a moment afterward, perhaps due to shock. When she spoke, her voice was barely audible, but filled with emotion so strong, so strange that it hurt. "Who is it that you love so dearly?" she asked, certain that he would not answer. "I do care, Emilian, but you love, and I envy you that, even the pain, Emilian. To feel anything so strongly is a gift that I can only dream of." Adara was glad that Emilian had turned away. There was no need to hide the tears that she could not stop. How could she ever explain how desperately she wanted to love, and how could her longings compare to his?

[Emilian Sota]

Love? Emilian shook his head, he didn't love anyone. "If what I feel for....." he stopped and passed over the name, "Is love, then I never want to feel love again." He couldn't look back at her, afraid that she would somehow be able to tell who he was thinking about and to see the intense emotions running through him in his eyes.

[Adara Snow]

Adara ached for Emilian, for whatever circumstance had given him the ability to love only to hold back a return for that love. He hadn't denied it; she could see how much the very thought of it affected him. There were so many things that Adara wanted to say, but she could not make the words come. How did one express such sorrow? How could one who had never felt the obvious pain of love still profess to want it as badly as she did?

Adara shifted, her hands settling lightly against Emilian's back a moment before she rose up on tiptoe to press one feather-light kiss against the side of his neck. She knew instinctively that he would accept no words of comfort, and she could only pray that he would accept this.

[Emilian Sota]

Emilian closed his eyes for a moment, accepting, if only for a second, the silent comfort she offered. He turned his head and looked at her over his shoulder meeting her eyes and opening his mouth to say something. But his mouth closed when no words came. It was useless to stand there, it would only lead to more questions and more confessions, so he pulled his gaze from hers and walked away, tucking his hands deep into his pockets.

[Adara Snow]

Adara watched Emilian leave, forcibly ignoring the desire to run after him, to throw herself in his arms and beg him to love her. When he had disappeared from sight, she wiped hastily at the damp trails on her cheeks and turned to scoop up her things, then hurried away.