Gaby's New Gossip!

[RABID FOR GOSSIP]

So, tell me, is the latest rumour true? I heard Gaby Kedavra died giving birth to a 25-pound half-grindylow in Thailand way back in May after her last post in this thread, and that the whole Daily Prophet was willed to Emilian Sota. Does that mean if I slept with him at some point I should be getting my own article in the paper?

ANSWER ME!!!11!one!

[SexXie bishie]

Omfg!!!1! If thats true then that meens Gaby like had teh sexX wit a grindylow! THats so sick!!! I'd rather haf teh sexxx wit Emilain! Hay if I have sexx wit him now can I stil get an artickle in teh papr?

[bored pursun]

So lyke wats teh deel wit all teh peepul joining all uff a suden? And why are all teh othur peepul not on? And wats wit teh new peepules not lookin around to see how things are dun b4 they post and stufff? Im not a nurd kuz I do my resurch!!!11@!

I feeel bettr now but i want more gossup!!! And thats a sad wai to dye Gaby.

[Gabrielle Kedavra]

My dear, dear fans,

I am sure you will be glad to know that I am not dead, nor did I give birth to a Grindylow. Of course there are some men in this school that could be mistaken for them or the back end of a blast-ended skrewt, however I have kept well away from those gruesome lads.

I was sunning myself on a lovely little island in the Bermuda Triangle. My yearly vacation and yes, I have been still receiving your owls and making notes of the comings and goings of the Ball. I am off now to write up the gossip, so expect a lovely long article this week and some of you should expect your names in it too. It's surprising how some believe that just a teensy little mask will hide who they are.

So keep an eye out you wonderful lot! My article will be printed shortly!!

Gaby x

[SexXie bishie]

So lyke duz this mean I dont get mai artickle if I sleep wiff Emilain? Id totully stil sleep wiff him but I kinda got mai hopes up. Damit who do u haff to sleep wiff to get ur name in teh papur around here!!!@1

O an Im glad 2 see u didnt die Gaby even if it meens I dont get an artickle 4 sleeping wiff Emilain. Can u hook us ups?

[LONELY BISHIE]

I heard that everyone died. Does that mean I'm dead too? I can't really post with myself, can I? Well, I guess I could, but then I'd just be writing a story, and if I'm dead, I shouldn't be writing anyway, cause I don't know anyone with a Ouija board.

So anyway, your last gossip was really good. I heard you're writing more already, but really, what's happened since the last one? Nothing, cause everyone's dead. Wait, if everyone's dead, that means you're dead too, even though you said you weren't.

I'm confuddled. Some people need to come back to Hogwarts! Gaby, tell me what happened to everyone!

[Gabrielle Kedavra]

Of course I'm not Dead, my confuddle ickle fan! If I were - could you imagine the uproar from my adoring public?! There would be a mutiny!! And of course no one else is dead - with the exception of Julius *I'm the greatest thing since floo powder* Saturn, but no-one cared about him anyway! I have been locked away in my office, reading your owls and sneaking out at any opportunity to delve further into the rumours that are escalating around the school!

And darling - you must be a muggleborn! Ouija boards?! Everyone knows they're a muggle way of conning lonely old women and distraught widowers out of their inheritance money! Or a sure fire tactic to scare teenagers on Hallow's Eve. Have you not met Sir Nick? Ask him about Ouija boards and you'll have him laughing his head off (almost literally as his case maybe!!)

Keep an eye out for my article darlings. I'm just chasing a few loose ends and it shall be posted by the mid week!!

Oh and Lonely Bishie. Stay away from those befuddlement potions.

[i kin rite 2]

Eyem board. Tear iz no gosipp hear cuz eye allredee gayv u teh gosips een ur owlz. Tear izunt an artickle uhbowt Emilain bean gon or Adra bean wif Michle an Login or Lagon bean wif Adar or Olive or dat chic in da clubb an bean all cazanova cuz chase iz wif anbell. Dare's nofink abowt shy ickle silver dumping Droo or doze gai bois livin in hogsmeed an taht tall gai boi wiff hiz sexie peersing.

Eyma goot riter tho so i shoood rite it msef and poost eet cuz u woodnt no wood u.?/

[Grammar Nazi]

>.<

Oh my God, you should not be "riting" anything. It hurts my head just to read that! You should leave the writing to the professionals, even if that means waiting forever. It shouldn't be forever, though, because I know that Gaby's been on, secretly at least.

I am wondering where the next article is, though. Gaby? Are you on that yet?

[gossipmonger]

You know what? You guys are both insane. Just get to the point already:

WE WANT MORE GOSSIP, GABY!

[Dare Blackwood-Hardt]

I think I speak for most of us on the site when I say, "We don't need another article." That's right. We're doing fine without them, just floating along happy as can be. Who wants that kind of drama? All she does is hurt people! AND NO I'M NOT HIDING ANYTHING!!!

Anyway, the point is: JUST SAY NO to Gaby.

(And thank God she's not doing interviews, I can only imagine the carnage.)

JUST SAY NO!

[Annabelle Hennessy]

I agree with Dare! Don't write anything about Chase, he doesn't deserve what you've been saying about him! And I haven't slept with anyone, so stop saying I have!

[NuMbEr 1 FaNzzzzzzzzzz]

NO NO NO!!!! We want it!!! itz like the totally most awesome thing EVA!!!! The latest article was so funny. LIKE OMG ANNA who would have thought that you actually would do that to Chase!!! YOU DON'T DESERVE HIM... neither does that old hag... I BET IT'S A LOVE POTION! I SAW WE PROTEST THE SINGH WOMAN!!!!!

HEHEHE, Michael n Dare are havin pissy moments... OMG Like Dare needs to calm his hormones his shouts are like............ polluting the school!!!!!!!!!!!

I bet that Lafra girl is going to get PREGNANT!!! Birth control doesn't work! OMG that would be soooo funny hahahahahaha i wonder what her family is going to do 0.0

Dahlia, you should like... take over and we want more interviews!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! After the boring Savannah one, we need an interview to top Sota's!!!!


~ POWER TO GOSSIP!!!

[Dahlia Alexander]

Calm yourself, Number, I'm here to stay. (As long as the Dementors have done their job on Gaby, that is.)

And if you want an interview, I suggest you suggest one, darling. I still yawn every time I so much as consider writing one, and to be honest, I simply don't care. I always give my readers what they ask for, but you have to ask.

As for those who are less than kindly disposed toward the Daily Prophet's gossip, simply stop being so interesting and we'll leave you alone. (Maybe.)

[Make love not babies]

You call babies gossip? Who cares!