Thinking, Writing (open)

[Adara Snow]

"If the princess knew what she needed, she would tell him!" There was no more pretending that they were discussing her story. They had moved past that a while ago, and the protective barrier between herself and reality was so completely destroyed that Adara struggled to continue it, if only for Emilian. She tried to alter the words in her mind for him, but decided at last to risk everything and say what needed to be said.

"Emilian, I want you to kiss me, I want you to touch me, and I want to look at you and touch you as well, but I do not know how to do so without causing you pain! I cannot become comfortable with something I will not allow myself to do! And so I kiss you, and it is...indescribable, but the moment you touch me, I recall the things you really want, and all I can do is stop!"

Adara looked at Emilian, her eyes pleading, even as she took slow breaths to calm herself. "I do not know these things, I do not know how to make myself comfortable. I do not think I want to be comfortable with you, but there must be something in-between, mustn't there?" She wasn't sure she was making sense anymore and paused, trying to gather her thoughts. "Tell me how to grow accustomed to your touch without causing you pain, and I will."

[Emilian Sota]

"All you have to do is let go. Don't think, let the passion take over, it's an act, a thing, that's all that it is! It is something to do to enjoy yourself, to get pleasure, so why is it so hard to just let go?" Emilian had leaned slightly closer to her, his eyes and voice intense. "If you want it, then why torture yourself by not allowing it to happen?" Either she was very stubborn, or he was missing something, and Emilian had the odd feeling that it was the latter of the choices.

[Adara Snow]

"Maybe for the same reason you refuse to get close to anyone emotionally! Why is it that sex means nothing more to you than a momentary diversion, but you cannot have a conversation about your motives and emotion without attributing them to someone else? I am not comfortable with myself, so how am I to be comfortable with you? I cannot just let it go because it means far more to me than it does to you! I will not be only a moment in your bed!" Adara stopped suddenly, panting with the force of the emotion behind her words, with the realization of all she'd said and how impossible it was to take back.

[Emilian Sota]

Emilian's eyes flashed before going blank and cold. When he spoke his voice was low and cool. "Sex means nothing because it is purely a physical act, you don't need to feel anything about anyone to enjoy it. I'm not supposed to have emotions, the only possible way to let anything out is to talk about it objectively, as a theory and not something that you personally feel. Letting someone in close is suicide! All that doing so will do is cause pain, there's no point in it when you can get the same results without your emotions involved."

[Adara Snow]

"Sex must be more than a physical act! Kissing is more than physical, and I will not hear otherwise! What is emotion but a physical sensation, Emilian? A tightening of the chest, a feeling in the pit of your stomach that says if there is any more you will not survive it! I cannot breathe, I cannot think when you kiss me, yet you seem to think that I withhold myself for no other reason than to aggravate you!" Adara grabbed the bag beside her and stuffed her journal into it with far more force than she'd meant as she pushed to her feet, shaking slightly. She had never felt such frustration, and something inside her embraced it for the novelty of it.

[Emilian Sota]

Emilian stood, breathing heavily through his nose as he glared down at her. "That's all that it is! A physical sensation! That's it. When we kiss and you want to go farther and farther, when you get lost in the sensation, all it is is animalistic lust, that's the closest to emotion you get! When your chest tightens and you get that feeling in your stomach when you're kissing, or even when you're having sex, it means nothing, nothing other than that your body wants more!" He wanted to shake her, even to silence her with his wand and take her even if only to prove his point.

[Adara Snow]

"Maybe my body doesn't want more! Obviously it does not, if I cannot let it go the way you think I should! If it is so easy, then why am I finding it so difficult? Tell me, Emilian, since you know so much!" But her body did want more. She wanted to experience everything, but at her own pace, and he could not accept that.

[Emilian Sota]

"'Obviously' nothing! If you didn't want more, then you'd have run from me long before now, and I don't just mean today, I mean every single damnable time we've been together. The only reason you can't let go is because it's been drilled into your naive mind for so long by your parents that it's a bad thing! And you're not brave enough to ignore what you were taught to believe to just listen to what your body is trying to tell you and enjoy yourself!" Emilian was breathing hard and his hands moved with his words, showing his frustration with how she was acting.

[Adara Snow]

Adara's hands clenched, and her teeth gritted against one another. She made a muffled noise of extreme displeasure, mostly because she could not find fault in anything he had said. When she finally spoke, her voice was low again, but drenched in repressed emotion. "I am far braver than you can imagine, Emilian. You terrify me at times, if it pleases you to hear it. You receive momentary pleasure from sex, while a kiss sends me through more than I have ever felt in my life. I like to savor things, Emilian. A drop of water clinging to a leaf, the heat of the sun on my skin beneath a cool breeze. You must rush through everything, mustn't you? Again, if you will hear me this time, I will not be only a moment in your bed."

[Emilian Sota]

"I've not rushed anything with you! As a matter of fact, I've waited longer for you than I have for anyone! Savannah, the second time I met her, she didn't give me what I wanted, so I forced it from her, Lucretia, first time I met her, the very first, I had her. And there have been plenty of others at this school, I won't even start about back home." Emilian ran a hand through his hair, the fact that he had waited still confused him. "The first time I saw you, the only thing that I could think was how beautiful you were, how badly I wanted you! And yes! I've wanted you so very badly ever since that very first day! And who's to say that you will be one moment? I will gladly take you back as long as you'll have me."

[Adara Snow]

Adara was left speechless, tears threatening, but held back. He had said so much more than he likely realized. As long as you'll have me. She knew that he wasn't offering her dream, but for now, that simple declaration was enough. "Be gentle with me, Emilian." The world had narrowed to the two of them."I will trust you to keep your word."

[Emilian Sota]

"I've been gentle with you, intense yes, but not rough." His eyes were locked on hers, no longer cold, but confused, frustrated, angry, everything mixing together and making it virtually impossible to focus on something other than the words coming from his mouth. After a few long moments, Emilian broke eye contact, staring to his side out over the water, chewing his lip as his eyebrows came together, wondering what had brought anything that he had said from his lips.

[Adara Snow]

Adara watched Emilian, the myriad of signs exposing the emotion he obviously did not know how to handle. She bent slightly, dropping her bag to the grass before shifting closer to Emilian. One pale hand moved to stroke softly along his jaw, giving the lightest pressure for him to turn and look at her. "You misunderstand, Emilian." Her chest rose and fell, taking in the air she needed to go on. "I give myself to you, if you will still have me."

[Emilian Sota]

Emilian looked down at her, "Don't play with me, Adara." His voice was low, intimate. He kept his hands at his sides, not really trusting himself to reach out and touch her. He had to be sure of what she was offering, completely positive. A look came into his eyes, something between yearning for her to confirm his thoughts and knowing that he should push her away at that moment fighting for dominance.

[Adara Snow]

Those simple words hurt, but Adara could see in his eyes that it was only self-defense. He had been hurt too many times. "Trust in me, Emilian, as I trust you. Be gentle. Show me the pleasure that means so much to you, and I will hold nothing back." Nothing but the truth of her emotion for him that she could never share with another soul. Even if it was only a series of moments for him, it would mean much more to her.